*HOLLYWUD CONNECSHUNZ... I HAZ THEM!!!* (UPDATED!)

(*In case you didn't already know, that headline is LOLcat speak!)

Can you guess what movie star I got some exclusive photos of based on this cropped shot featuring his flair for accessorizing?

No, it's not my husband Jeremy Piven!

There are no prizes involved besides bragging rights, which to some of us is actually better than a prize anyway. Leave your guesses in the comments.

...

UPDATEZ! I HAZ THEM!

WOW, those were some really good guesses, you guys! The most absurd interesting guess didn't even make it into the comments. A certain man said with all the confidence in the world (he was SO sure that he was correct that he seemed utterly BORED by the guessing-game), "It's obviously Ian Astbury!". (If you aren't up on the post-punk brit rock from the early 90's, he was the lead singer of The Cult. This assertion made me laugh so hard and for so long that it turned into one of those silent laughs, in which you at some point decide to either somehow STOP laughing or you just go ahead and stop breathing. Obviously Ian Astbury! That. Is. Hilarious.)


So, it's Johnny Depp, which most of you guessed from his vast array of neck-wear. He has been shooting around the midwest for a couple of weeks and recently he was in one of my favorite small towns, Darlington, Wisconsin. One of my good friends from college has a long family history in Darlington, and she is now raising HER children there. It's such a close-knit community that several years ago when I called the local florist to order Danielle some flowers, I gave her name and then started giving the delivery address. The florist cut me off and said, "I know where Danielle lives!" Tiny town, big heart! Anyway, I knew my good friend would have the scoop for me (and for YOU!), word and sound travels fast in Darlington.


Whaaat? JD in D-ton? Time to call my remote correspondent, Danielle. She'll have all the gossip for me!


Saying that Danielle was less-than-impressed to have a movie star in her hometown is overplaying her emotions. When I excitedly called her, I could FEEL her rolling her eyes at me. She was basically the only one in town not hyped, though. Her friends and family either watched some of the filming at the courthouse, were extras, and one even got the incredible photos I'm about to share with you. Danielle was so bored with all the Hollywood commotion that when she sent me the photos, she made sure to tell me that she was sleeping soundly at the time they were taken. Her Aunt Suzi even got to present Johnny with the key to the city, as you'll see in that last photo. At least SOMEBODY in the family was showing him some respect!


©House of Jules. I had to put my big HOJ stamp across the photos so nobody stole them. I'M TALKING TO YOU, PEREZ HILTON!

He was down to earth, gracious and especially kind to the kids, asking if they liked Captain Jack without the beard. I'm glad I wasn't there, I probably would have knocked the adorable children over to get that kind of attention from Don Juan DeMarco.

What I have been doing every spare moment

I have been interested in taking part in this project for awhile, and only recently started making my initial list, which is supposed to be completed before you start the blogging-about-each-person process. It's really quite something, digging into your memory banks to remember random people you probably haven't thought of in a long time, and knowing in advance that you only have the same number of words to make up each entry.

It does help in making the list if you have a steel-trap for a memory like I do. I can't wait to get all the names down so I can begin the really challenging part: only using 34 words to describe something specific about each person on my list. I'll have to come up with some good aliases for some of these people though, because I don't want to get sued for spilling things about others that have been locked up inside my mind for decades. Regardless of these challenges, I can't wait to finish my list and get to writin'.

Please remind me of this exuberance when, months from now and only 15% of the way through this every-day-for-one-year commitment, I am *threatening to jump off of a building.


*I am not big on heights and am therefore joking. I might decide to do something like use your real name on "your" day, though; which is as they say, not actually a threat but a promise; so some of you had better be nice to me. Suddenly I feel drunk with power.

Now this is a tour I'd take any day of the week!

People (or, more specifically, the straight guys I hang out with who have to find something wrong with the men their lady-friends swoon over) make such a big deal about David Beckham having a less than manly voice. To that I say the octave of his voice doesn't bother me at all, because I'm too busy drooling over his looks to hear any of the crap that comes out of his mouth.


If you want to torture yourself by attempting to take the tour by licking your screen, I'm certainly not gonna judge you; but don't torture yourself trying to watch the video by clicking on this photo. See link below. You know, after you're done licking your screen.

Undeniably great-looking soccer star David Beckham, on the subject of his 15 body tattoos: "I think everybody's got a way of expressing their feelings, and mine is through my tattoos."

Undeniably great-looking news star Anderson Cooper: "I will now express my feelings for David Beckham by licking his tattoos."


Ok, AC didn't actually SAY that, but I know he was totally thinking it... and FYI, I'd "tour" either of these men. Click HERE to watch the video.

It's official, I'm calling us the Cherry Icee Coalition™

I just wanted to thank everybody for sending your positivity down to Nic, Tim and her family (and even some up to me!) in response to Tuesday's post, whether it was by leaving a comment, by sending me an e-mail, or through a phone call. I am thankful for all of the kindness you've shown, and I love that some of you took it upon yourselves to join the Cherry Icee Coalition™! Nic is still in the ICU, so your positive vibes are being put to good use.

To lighten the mood a bit, I'm going to share a short snippet from a long e-mail exchange I had with my old friend Charissa. What you need to know first is that in some circles my bed is referred to as "Purple Heaven", because it:

1) Is possibly the most comfortable bed on the planet

2) has not only really great sheets but also a dark purple aubergine (eggplant!) velvet duvet, dust ruffle, etc. It sounds bordello-rific, but I assure you it is very tastefully done. I'm oddly proud of it because it was the first time I really went shopping with the intention to splurge on the good stuff, and then ended up getting it all 75% off in a stroke of luck, making it more budget-friendly than the really scratchy affordable route I had always taken in the past. It not only looks good, but it FEELS good, just ask anybody who's been in it! That statement right there probably just made my parents log off of the internet.

Without further ado... a couple of lines on the subject of how I'm doing emotionally (in direct relation to Tuesday's post), with an intentionally shallow response from Charissa because she knew it would make me laugh... and oh, how I needed a good laugh:

Me: I pretty much just want to crawl under the covers and throw up, though it's probably best if I do that in the reverse order.

Charissa: Please don't puke in your bed, that would just make it worse... think of your beautiful bedding!

One of these days I'll do a post showing you my entire bedroom, the literal "House of Jules", but until then here's a shot of the foot of my bed. You kinda want to crawl into it, don't you?

We interrupt this broadcast...

My good friend Nic has been battling brain cancer for almost 2 years. In that time, she's had brain surgery, radiation, a constant flow of chemotherapy, seizures, migraines, dizziness, speech problems, another brain surgery and plenty of other unpleasantness that would give her a free pass to wallow in self-pity, sitting around all day asking why it had to happen to her; or she could have decided to spend her time hurling a bad attitude in the direction of everyone she encounters. Instead, she's handled it with her own special grace that consists mostly of the "Let's just agree that Sh*t Happens and move on already" ideology.

I could have listed plenty of reasons why she's worthy of admiration as a person and as a friend before all of this happened, but since her diagnosis I have been blown away by her strength of character and her ability to giggle (her trademark reaction to just about everything) when it would take her a few beats to remember common words that just the day before she could have recalled without a problem. After her first brain surgery in June 2006, she said to me, "Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Any ideas?"

Immediately after her second brain surgery a couple of weeks ago, the first thing she asked for was a cherry icee. She even told the nurses she'd skip her first round of pain medication if they'd let her husband Tim bring her one, and did I mention it was immediately after she had brain surgery and there was probably some pain involved? Of course they couldn't allow that, so in the meantime, those of us who love her have been drinking cherry icees on her behalf.

She did remarkably well until this weekend, when she had a major setback. To say she's in the fight for her life would only be to describe the past 22 months, and what she's going through right now is infinitely bigger than that. I'm asking every one of you to send some positive energy in the direction of Alabama from wherever you are sitting. I can't put into words how badly she needs it, not to mention how badly I need to know that I'm doing everything I can in my power to help; which frankly in times like these, thinking I have any kind of "power" is a joke because all there seems to be is the very persistent reminder that there's no power I possess that can make the cancer cells in her brain disappear.

So, just as I have since finding out the results of her first brain scan in 2006, I will continue to close my eyes as the tears fall and send positive thoughts her way, because that's all I can really do.



When I sent her this song in July, she said it gave her some "extra oomph", so I'm putting it out into the universe again.

Shine (Cyndi Lauper)
Shine I'll stand by you
Don't try and push me away 'cause I'm just gonna stay
You can shine, I won't deny you and don't be afraid it'll all be ok

Do you know my name
Well I ain't gonna take that big time line, won't be beat by a lie
Gonna call out to these embers waiting to ignite
Gonna pull you up by your love, by your love, and tell you

Shine I'll stand by you...

I can see the frown you wear all around like some faded crown
Like a watch over wound
Gonna call down to this diamond buried underground
Gonna pull you up by your love, by your love and tell you

When it's said and done what you need will come
and time won't let me let you let me waste it this time
Shine...

You know what the Easter Bunny is doing the other 364 days of the year? Kicking ass, that's what!

I worked at my mom's Hallmark store all through high school, so I was one of many employees who had to wear a rage-inducing Easter Bunny costume at least once a year. There was just something about all the hot, itchy fur topped off with the big, stupid bow tie that could make even the most affable personality unhinge slightly.

Having said that, you can understand why this video cracks me up:


The classic ice cream swipe and the ninja-like move in the elevator are my personal favorites.

Shirt tails flapping in the breeze behind them like unambitious dragons

If you haven't read any of David Sedaris' books, seen him on TV or been lucky enough to meet him in person like my sister and I, you probably won't think this is funny... but if you HAVE experienced any of the above, you'll enjoy the following video of what he'd be like as a pizza delivery man!

Double-click on either 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the video:


This guy's voice isn't *quite* high enough, but his inflection is perfection!

Click HERE to see the REAL David Sedaris reading his hysterical "Stadium Pal" essay on Letterman. Warning: Sedaris humor is exceedingly dry, which is how the hilarity sneaks up on you.


2005. My sister (the published ink slinger in our family!) & I, showing our civilized side by refusing special treatment and waiting in line like everybody else to get into David Sedaris' book signing. This wasn't the first time we'd met him, and it wouldn't be the last. More on that some other time...


2005. Me, David Sedaris and Barbie's crotch, in case you didn't recognize it. But c'mon! You know you did!

Don't even get me started on how much love we have for his sister, Amy!

Pink Martini and pillow-fighting: Otherwise known as the best way to spend time with friends

I went up to Wisconsin on Monday for our "St. Patrick's Day Let's all get together and wear something green while enjoying 3rd row seats at a concert performance of one of my favorite-groups-of-all-time and we'll also imbibe in the traditional drinking of the Guinness (and/or Irish car bombs) without worrying about with all the drunks on the road at bar time because we booked an overnight stay (yes, all of that in one night) at a fabulous downtown hotel" that has been in the works since September.

On the drive up, there was this phone call:

Did you happen to bring a bottle opener with you or do you have one of those little ones on your keychain because none of us brought one.

No, I don't have a bottle opener; I didn't even think of that. I never think of that, actually, and that is why I have 6 cheap-in-quality but expensive-in-price hotel bottle openers at home. I really should invest $2 in one of those keychains because I would have saved a mint by now!

I can't believe we're sitting here with a beautiful hotel room full of Guinness and nothing to open them with on St. Patrick's Day. This is so wrong!

Do you want me to stop on my way in and pick one up?

...Cut to the two of us meeting in front of the hotel gift shop, looking for what will be my 7th cheap-in-quality but expensive-in-price hotel bottle opener. As soon as I hand over entirely too much money for some plastic and metal that has probably been assembled by children somewhere, this verbal exchange occurs:

Did you just BUY that bottle opener?

I thought you said we needed one! I refuse to sit in a hotel room with unopened bottles of Guinness mocking me and the 6 bottle openers I have on-hand two hours south of here.

I was just going to ask up at the front desk if we could borrow one.

On St. Patrick's Day? Do you know how many people in this hotel are actively searching through their belongings for a bottle opener right now? Maybe I'll hang this one around my neck and offer my services. I could make my money back 10-fold when we go out tonight!

Uhhhh....

WITH. THE. BOTTLE. OPENER.

...Cut to us getting in the elevator and halfway up to the 9th floor this same person looks at me and says:

OH, WAIT A MINUTE!

What now?

I think I might HAVE a bottle opener in my bag!

...Cut to me cracking open the first Guinness with unnecessarily purchased and far too expensive bottle opener as she reaches into her bag to pull out not only a bottle opener ON HER KEYCHAIN NO LESS but also? A corkscrew, even though none of us brought wine; for added measure. Knowing that they had been torturing themselves in the room staring at those bottles, thinking they didn't have a way to open them when in fact, they did, was well worth the Hamilton I left behind in the gift shop.

It was precisely this particular brand of tomfoolery that set the tone for the next 24 hours. The only thing missing was someone taking turns poking people in the eyeballs and saying "whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop". Then again, we're a group of girls, so the likelihood of that ever happening is nil. Because we engage in pillow fights like all girls do when they're together.

The original reason for this gathering was not to have a pillow fight with my friends (even though that is always an excellent reason), but it was because Pink Martini was going to be performing in concert, and each time they've been in the area, I have managed to get friends together to join in on a fabulous evening of music-done-well by some of the most talented musicians I've ever heard. It's also one of the best reasons to be in a concert hall with other people who have not only showered but have decided to brush their hair and throw on some dressy clothes as well. I've mentioned Pink Martini a couple of times here at HOJ, so the following may sound a bit familiar...


Pink Martini: A reminder of the incredible male-to-female ratio of my days attending University of Wisconsin, but with less engineering emphasis, no flannel shirts to be found and infinitely more musical talent.

For 29 glorious days in 1999, I was fortunate enough to go to Europe with my oldest friend (of 24 years) and her family. We traveled throughout Italy, Austria, Germany, Switzerland, Paris and London.

I was on a limited souvenir budget so when I saw something I wanted (basically anytime my eyes were open), I only bought it if I absolutely loved and couldn't leave without it. That was a great system to use, as each of those purchases are still- almost 10 years later- absolute prized possessions. I was determined while traveling overseas to come home with some music to remind me of the trip. I hadn't found it until we were in Paris, when in I saw a huge blow-up of this in a record store window near the inverted pyramid inside The Lourve:


Imagine my surprise when I opened this CD and realized Pink Martini wasn't a band out of Paris, but Portland!

I knew immediately, without even hearing the music, that I was going to buy that CD. I was totally sucked in by the Doisneau-esque cover photo. Luckily, Pink Martini is a group of incredible musicians and since 1999 I've enjoyed Sympathique - as well as their 2004 sophomore effort, Hang On Little Tomato; and the most recent release, Hey Eugene! countless times.


Who could resist an album with a title like this?


Oddly similar to every vintage party picture from my mom's side of the family


We had excellent seats, and the show was 2 hours of being blown away by all the talent up on that stage. They played my favorite song, Brazil last, which is good because it is the one song that you cannot resist shaking your ass to. Even if you're reading this thinking, "I never shake my ass", trust me... YOU. WILL. SHAKE. YOUR. ASS. Some people even started a conga line that led out into the lobby and back into the concert, and I'm not even kidding. You can understand why we have such a good time when they come to town.

Afterwards, the 8 of us ended up in the beautiful hotel bar that was spacious enough for us to not only claim a seating area as our own, but also allowed us to talk and catch up in a way that we never would have been able to at any of the crowded pubs down the street. Eventually the members of Pink Martini made their way to the hotel bar, too, and by then we had already made friends with one of the musicians in the band, who just so happens to be this guy's sister. She sat with us for about an hour, with the rest of the band sitting to our left, and the entire time I just kept wondering how it is that we went from not having a bottle opener to sitting with the talented-in-her-own-right sibling of an American music icon. This is what happens every time (I have plenty of stories to back this up) we decide to dress up and brush our hair, and we all agreed to do it more often. That, and the pillow-fighting.

Click HERE to read the only online show review I could find from that night.


Live performance of Una Notte Napoli, from 'Hang on Little Tomato'

If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend going to a Pink Martini show, and do yourself a favor... dress up a little. You never know who you're going to meet.

They're always after me lucky charms!

You may remember this delightful exchange I had a couple of weeks ago regarding out-of-town St. Patrick's day plans:

I was originally going to take a half-day off of work on the 17th and the entire next day off, but decided instead to just take both days off. I assume I'm going to need it.

If you don't have to work on the 17th at all, what does that mean?

It means that I don't have to work on the 17th. What do you mean, 'what does that mean'?

I'm just wondering what time will you'll be here since you took the whole day off...because I want you here early, {tone of voice suddenly very, very intense; in such a way as to question the next statement} AND. I. WANT. YOU. RELAXED.

Well, I guess I'll make sure to be there early because that tone of voice is making me feel very relaxed already!

So, today's the day and I'm totally relaxed! So relaxed that I overslept, which has put me behind schedule; and you can imagine how being behind schedule would add to the relaxation I'm feeling! So much to do before driving 2 hours north, checking into our hotel, and heading to the concert (which I will tell you about later), and so little time to get things done. I will leave you with this sentiment:


A prediction of how I'll be spending the day tomorrow could not be more accurate.


PS- To the winners of the House of Jerardi contest, I'm sending off your stuff tomorrow afternoon... once I've put some pants on, of course. Sorry for the delay!

Enough about them, let's talk about me!

Well, you'd think that I would enjoy getting "tagged" to do a meme, if for nothing else than the word "me" is in there twice... but I am not a fan because it's harder for me to come up with what I think might interest people than just writing a regular post. Several people have tagged me for these things, so I better just dig in and start off with this one. I will, at some point, do the others. Don't let this encourage you to tag me though, because I'm not easily talked into it. I refuse to tag anyone else, so that probably makes me no fun; but if you'd like to do this meme on your blog, feel free to leave word of it in the comments so I can check it out!

Schmutzie tagged me to post seven-random-and/or-weird-things-about-myself. "Weird" is subjective, so it's my intention to just list 7 random things, and if you think they're weird then maybe I'll get bonus meme points that I can cash in for one of those cheap prizes they offer at Chuck E. Cheese!

If you want to know more on any of the following, just click on the hotlinks, which all lead to previous posts that will shed more light on the subject!

1.) By the time I was 26, I lived in 9 different cities in 7 different states; and I'm not even in the witness-protection program. Of these places, NYC is my favorite.

2.) I have a problem being unable to control my attraction to men with accents. I know most of you ladies are probably thinking, "who doesn't have that problem?", but this is no joke. I cannot be held responsible for my actions in those instances. If you're a man with English as your 2nd language, you get away with a lot more than you ever would with me if you were from, say, Connecticut. You can double that attraction if you're a musician with an accent.

3.) I am *slightly* obsessed with comedians; and am totally obsessed with british humor programs... I would quote Little Britain all day long if only the people around me knew what I was talking about. Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant (the geniuses behind The Office and Extras), I wanna have your babies. Same goes for you, Kiwi Flight of the Conchords!

4.) Because of a traumatic childhood experience, I am not a cat person. I can be in the same room as one, but if it starts coming towards me, I get nervous. Cats sense this and it only makes them more likely to approach me, which is why I try to avoid cats altogether.

5.) As anyone who knows me will tell you, I have a near-photographic memory, and that freaks out a lot of people. I can remember the most mundane of details about the most mundane of moments, which is as much a curse as it is a blessing. If I could somehow make money with this "gift", I would.

6.) I am not a morning person, and that is putting it lightly. I set the alarm on my computer, as well as the alarm on my cell phone AND my actual alarm clock. If I'm sleeping alone, it takes a village to wake me up.

7.) When I lived in NYC, my apartment got broken into and everything I had of value was stolen; professional camera equipment, jewelry and some cash I had on-hand because I was leaving for vacation 2 days later. To make a long story short, I ended up catching the people who did it the very day I returned from my trip, and managed to bring down an entire crime ring that was wanted by the FBI on multiple charges (it's actually a really good story, I'll have to write more on that someday). 

Several years later, after I moved to Chicago, someone backed into my car causing substantial damage (it was not even drivable) and failed to leave a note with their personal information. This infuriated me more than the actual damage to the car (though that WAS infuriating!) because it's a crappy thing to do. That night, we got a tip on who might have been the culprit and around what time the commotion was heard, so early the next morning I had my camera and zoom lens all set up, and not only took photos of the driver sneaking around my car to see what the damage was, but got her license plate as well, surprising the investigator assigned to my case so much that after he heard the additional story of my previous crime ring bust, he asked if I wanted a job (which I turned down). The moral of this story is: Don't f**k with me or my stuff.

Wooooo, it's getting serious up in here!

Thursday's post led to some great back-and-forth in the comments, so I'm going to hold off on a new post until tomorrow or Monday. Feel free to join us with your 2 cents in yesterday's comments!

I know, I said, "back-and-forth"!

High cheekbones & heavy brow ridges= very high levels of testosterone AND douchebaggery.

Let me just say a couple of things before I go back to banging my head against a brick wall and repeatedly yelling, "I call bullsh*t!".

You all know I love men, right? If you know me personally or if you've been reading this blog for oh, say, more than a minute you are aware of that already. I am a the president of the Man Fan Club, believe me. I even write a special one-Wednesday-per-month, "Putting the Hump in Humpday" post; which is really just a good excuse to extoll the greatness of men, shining a positive light on the opposite sex, and having a lot of fun while doing it. I. Love. Men.

What I don't love are idiots... of either gender.

Men AND women are capable of cheating. I have friends who have been on both the receiving and giving ends of it. I have never been a cheater but I was cheated on, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. Thankfully, I only had to disentangle myself from a boyfriend and not a marriage with all the complexities that entails.

Earlier this week at work, we talked about Dr. Laura's appearance rounding out a Today Show panel-of-three "experts" that also included a psychologist and an anthropologist weighing in on the Eliot Spitzer scandal. I assume Dr. Laura was on this panel because she is a cheater so she knows of what she speaks, and she hates herself enough to dive face-first into a firestorm of her own hypocrisy.

I didn't see it myself but got THIS LINK to a clip that gave me an entirely new litany of reasons to run this woman idiot over with a car. Not that I'm a violent person. I'm not. Hearing anything come out of her mouth seems to make me crazy, though, so I blame my need to write this post on temporary insanity.

Here is the cliff notes version of the video link, in case you, for whatever reason, can't see/hear it:

The psychologist: "Two wrongs don't make a right."

The anthropologist: "All you have to do is look at him and he's got very high cheekbones and very heavy brow ridges and those are signs of extremely high testosterone. We know he's very aggressive and he's also very sexual."

The woman who, if I ever meet in a dark alley, I plan on punching in the face (Dr. Laura): "Men do need validation. When they come into the world they're born of a woman. Getting the validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like our hero, he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs. These days, women don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give their men what they need...the cheating was his decision to repair what's damaged, and to feed himself where he's starving. I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need."

I just keep reminding myself that she's a cartoon character, and a total joke. Nobody takes her seriously. Except, possibly, people who are cheaters and heard her on The Today Show. Just getting this off my chest is making me feel better already. Almost as good as, say, a "perfectly good man" must feel when he's not being "tossed out".


My last 2 points on this subject:

* Was Dr. Phil too busy issuing statements to be on this Today Show panel?

* For $1,000 an hour (The low-end of The Emporer's Club hourly rate), I think men would have no problem getting their actual wives to "validate" them ALL. DAY. LONG.

Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah!

You might have already read about this since the story has been floating around the internet for the past week, but the Leonard Cohen song, "Hallelujah" was performed by some dude on American Idol and it shot up the charts immediately. I don't really watch American Idol so I didn't see it for myself (I have more important things to do like dedicating myself to VH1 shows featuring Ricco Rodriguez--more on him later--Bret Michaels, Scott Baio and whichever "Brady" Christopher Knight used to be. Calm down, I know he was Bobby! Kidding, he was Greg, right?), but I know the song extremely well because it was made famous post-Cohen in the 90's by one of my personal favorites, Jeff Buckley.

The reason I decided to write this post is to tell you that if you're at all interested in this song by this particular singer (and why wouldn't you be?), but are not going to buy the entire Grace cd, you should put your hard-earned dollar to better use by getting the 9-minute version off of his Live at Siné 2-CD set. It's not only a live performance from a legendary show but is also 3 minutes longer than the version on Grace. It is also gorgeous and raw, which is what I love most about it. 

I feel qualified to share this information with you because I've been a freak for Jeff Buckley since the beginning of his career; and you can read all about it in a post I wrote back in June. It's a long one, but you aren't doing much else at work today, are you? Besides, at the end of that post is a good Buckley primer, and before you know it you might own every single thing that has ever been offered to the public-at-large like I do. My love for him started over 13 years ago with one song, and the next thing I knew, I had everything available, even the imports. Not that I'm obsessed. So, check out my non-obsession with Jeff Buckley by clicking HERE.


JB is #1 in popularity, not only in my playlists (on the left) but also because a billion people bought it through the iTunes store! You can see how NOT obsessed with his music I am. The playlists shown are only part of my Buckley collection. But I'm definitely not obsessed. Preoccupied, maybe; obsessed, no. Wait, is it possible to qualify as being "preoccupied" with something for over 13 years? I mean, I HAVE purchased other music over that time, and the Estate of Jeff Buckley hasn't put a restraining order against me, so that's a good sign, right?

At the end of the 9-minute Siné version, Jeff bids the crowd adieu after a very long and incredibly diverse set, in the sweetest way, and it always makes me smile: "That's all, good night. I love you... so much! You're fabulous, beautiful and I love you. Now let's go drink... and sleep!" Perfection. That sentiment alone is worth more than what they're charging. This makes me feel better about our economy, that in some way paying .99 for a great 9-minute song helps to balance out the swiftly rising gas and food prices. AND TAXES. If you have $1.98 to spend, buy both the Grace and Siné versions. Times are tough, though. Maybe you can go in on that purchase with a couple of your friends, and hold your own listening party! Charge a cover and by the end of the night you'll be ahead by a long-shot.

All of the people who didn't have this inside information and already paid the same price for the 6-minute version on Grace (still beautiful, but each version is different in 1,000 ways) kinda got screwed if you go solely by song-minutes-to-money... so, you're welcome.

Speaking of irresponsible wastes...

Until I read the caption that the initials of her new publicity ploy boyfriend are B.M., I thought the letters on this hot mess' new ring stood for something else entirely.

I'm sure I wasn't alone in this line of thinking.

---

In other news having nothing whatsoever to do with being irresponsible or any version of the word 'waste', I'd like to direct you to my latest Twitter update (see the right column or click HERE to read more) regarding the antics from last night/early this morning:

"There's no way to explain how 4 a.m. found us singing Samantha Fox's "Naughty Girls Need Love Too", the "Ghostbusters" Theme, and Wham songs."

If anyone has guesses as to what came before or even what inspired said sing-a-longs, please leave them all in the comments. I can't wait to see if any of you can help piece it all back together, since we cannot, for the life of us, figure out how we ended up belting out classic tunes of such high caliber.

***We were NOT even karaoke-ing, so that doesn't explain it.***

I did, however, impress (or was it sadden? It was hard to tell.) with my total recall of Every. Single. Lyric. of all 3 songs (Samantha Fox's "Naughty Girls Need Love, Too; The Ghostbusters Theme; and the incredible "Battlestations", by Wham!). If you didn't already know, "Battlestations" is my favorite Wham! song, which frankly is like asking a mother to choose which child she loves the best.

If you know the song or clicked on the hotlink to read the lyrics, this should tell you a lot about me, being that I chose it over their phenomenal tunes, "Wake me up before you go-go" and especially "Careless Whisper"; a song full of profound lyrics... like, "I'm never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm".

It blows my mind how much a full tank of gas costs, even for my Honda "34-miles-per-gallon" Civic

I didn't realize how many people feel exactly the same way about Hummers (the vehicle!) as I do. Don't get me wrong: I'm not even close to being a hardcore what-is-your-carbon-footprint-asking, green-lifestyle-preaching, Toyota-Prius-driving person, but owning a road beast like that seems like such an irresponsible waste. Every. Single. Time. I see someone driving by in an H2 (which actually happens a lot around here), my involuntary reaction is to roll my eyes and shake my head in disgust.

That should explain why someone who has been witness to this behavior (maybe a few too many times, but he says it's part of my charm!) knew sending me this link to F-YOU AND YOUR H2 would make me laugh my ass off. Make sure you click on the "Submissions" page to see some hilarious photos!

Thanks, B!

And then she challenged them all to a tequila shooter contest

"After a stylish night out, Lindsay Lohan greets a rush of young fans Thursday outside Bar Pitti in New York City's West Village"

I love that they describe her night out as "stylish", and I suspect that chose that particular adjective because she didn't end up in the gutter, flashing her lady parts to everybody walking down Bleeker Street. I also wonder if any of those kids could drink her under the table because from what I hear, her supposed sobriety has turned her into a real lightweight.

I wish he'd let me comfort him.

Some of my male friends were horrified at what they referred to as the 'Feminization of Bond' (just because this one showed a little sensitivity! I mean, did you SEE that shower scene where he just held his frightened Bond girl? And they were fully dressed? It was hot, for real. HEY-OH!!!), but Daniel Craig's interpretation made me want to see every single Bond movie ever made. I can't wait for the next one to open, no matter how unfortunate the title, Quantum of Solace, may seem.


Now we know where he gets his motivation!

He's not the most vulnerable Bond for nothing, you know. The man cries over suits.

In a bold move, ABC begins network domination in the specialization of ironic casting

Miss Guided? Wait a minute, that's not ironic casting! What's the opposite of irony? Reality? Hmmmm.....

You do a little dance and then you drink a little water

GiveItAway, by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Maybe one of the weirdest videos, ever, But I love it. Anthony Kiedis' gouche is an added bonus. You're welcome.


Ok, the wait is OVER! I have in my hands the proverbial envelope and am about to spill the news on who will be receiving a prize from my first giveaway, made possible from the combined efforts of Eric Jerardi and House of Jules; or as I am now referring to it: The House of Jerardi! That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Oh, will you look at that? I said RING! Wow. What are the chances of something like that just slipping out of my mouth? Interesting.


So, while I was in the kitchen with Jerardi enjoying his ahem *charcuterie plate and all that comes along with it, The Random Number Generator got to work picking the winning numbers!


Click to enlarge. After taking my comments out of the mix, I put the remaining 61 in a document, numbered them in the exact order from the first comment to the last, and then left the rest up to random.org, which is a cold & emotion-less website that only cares about numbers, not how witty your comments were (and THEY WERE ALL WITTY, so I would have never been able to pick based on the humor scale, anyway)!


With the doubtful-someone-sexy-would-perform-in-Canada (and if that's the case, how does she explain Men Without Hats?) comment of, "I highly doubt someone of Sexypants Jerardi's good looks and talent would be interested in coming up to the Great White North, but wouldn't that be cool if he came here?!", Alex wins!

With the initially aggressive but then massively brilliant comment of, "Can I punch Spammon in the chest even though it's not St. Patty's Day? Seriously though, I had a great idea. Jerardi should do a House of Jules tour! (I know it's tough, but get your mind out of the gutter - I didn't mean literally to tour you!) Ohio, Chicago, Fort Worth, wherever-the-hell-in-Canada Alex is, Knoxville . . . You get the idea.", Stacey wins!

With the very personally revealing comment of, "Oh goodness. I'm so forgetful this morning. 

I'm glad he said he puts his hands down the wives' knickers and not their panties. Have I told you how much I hate the word panties? Probably not because why would you and I ever be talking about panties?", Bev (Sauntering Soul) wins!

Please e-mail me your addresses at casajules (at) gmail (dot) com. Prizes will be shipped on Friday.


This is not to say that the rest of you aren't winners, because we here at The House of Jerardi think you have some real potential. You can try your luck winning prizes of a different sort at the end of next week in my Pay It Forward contest. More details on that later!


*My thinly-veiled double entendre "charcuterie plate" remark above is from the best part of Jerardi's interview:
"Finally, the question I've been working toward all night! Your 3 passions in life are music, wine & food. Describe the best night all 3 of those coincided, and take it slow. I'm about to get comfortable."
"Ok, I come over to your house around 8. I have a bottle of Bollinger Champagne, a basket of French food and more wine. While we drink the Champagne, I put together a little charcuterie plate with country pate, foie gras, cornichons, cheese, Dijon, and a baguette. I pop the 2001 Cos d Estournel, and we stand in the kitchen, enjoying the simple French country fare. After all of that, I whip out my.......... guitar, and sing to you for about 20 minutes. Then we fornicate like bunnies."

Drool.

Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth...

I spent the weekend out of town and things got a little bit hectic. For some reason, that has followed me into this week, which could possibly be the cause of the stress shooting out from the core of my soul that is shining a brilliant glow-of-disquietude all around me. It's glorious, you should see it! 

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute. There's only one more day before the winners of the first House of Jules giveaway are picked and announced. Click HERE to leave a comment on last Wednesday's post, which will be used as your entry in the random drawing! By this time tomorrow morning it will all be decided and the winners will be notified. Can you handle the pressure? I hope so because otherwise I'm going to have to ask someone to help you all chill out and breathe easy. Lucky for you, I know just the person to do it!

In the last 24 hours, I had a conversation about our long-awaited St. Patrick's Day out-of-town-and-overnight plans with a group of old friends, in which a road-trip, a concert and a hotel are involved. Also, Guinness, but that comes after the road-trip part, don't worry. So, this is how we hammer-out important details in a special shorthand I like to call, "WasThatClearEnoughForYou?".

I was originally going to take a half-day off of work on the 17th and the entire next day off, but decided instead to just take both days off. I assume I'm going to need it.

If you don't have to work on the 17th at all, what does that mean? 

It means that I don't have to work on the 17th. What do you mean, 'what does that mean'?

I'm just wondering what time will you'll be here since you took the whole day off...because I want you here early,  {tone of voice suddenly very, very intense; in such a way as to question the next statement}  AND. I. WANT. YOU. RELAXED.

Well, I guess I'll make sure to be there early because that tone of voice is making me feel very relaxed already!