What are kidneys selling for these days, anyway?

Not only do I need that Chewbacca family portrait hanging in my living room, but I have coveted this charming, Jim Datz-illustrated Manhattan poster for far too long. The first printing of 500 sold out before I could get one, so I signed up for a second printing e-mail alert. Missed that one because I had to pay for something stupid, like my electric bill.



I got the 3rd printing e-mail alert yesterday. My disposable income of the past few months has been spent on that big project I have yet to tell you about, although I *suppose* that other people's genuine needs should come before my own "needs" anyway.

Now, who has some extra cash laying around taking up space? I have a kidney to sell that is just your size!


****

Public Service Announcement: The difference between bad & good baby gifts

Before reading any further, take a deep breath.

Please remember that I have a good sense of humor, and know that I understand the idea of the joke for stuff like this, I really do. However, you'll never convince me that it's actually funny, or cute, or charming in any way:


So many questions, starting with why would you spend money on these kinds of things? and for who? and why?!

Take it in. "My Mom is Hot"? "My Dad's a HOTTIE"? Dumb. Do. Not. Buy.

The parents of my favorite twins are, to be sure, HOTTIES... but their kids don't need bibs embroidered with those sentiments, and it's not because they're too mature or uptight. When the 3 of us are together, most of our time is spent working as many "That's what he said/That's what she said" responses into a conversation as possible.

Being a good gift-giver takes thoughtfulness, time, research, and taking personality/likes into account. I pride myself on it. Finding the perfect gift for the people in my life offers up a satisfaction I can hardly describe, but if there is a word for smugness you keep to yourself*, that would be the exact feeling I get every time.

The following is the right move to make when your friends have kids. Trust. Especially if they're adorable twins**. What we have here are the girl and boy versions of "Conserve Water! Drink Chocolate Milk." t-shirts from Target. I bought them both too-adorable-for-words jeans from Target, too. His were just plain dark denim, and hers had that girly cut with pink embroidery on the cute pockets (which you can kind of see in the last photo):


©HouseofJulesPhotography. All rights reserved.


©HouseofJulesPhotography. All rights reserved.


One parting shot of little Miss Thang, working her new outfit from Aunt Julesie:

©HouseofJulesPhotography. All rights reserved.

I didn't spent a truckload of cash, either. Both outfits (2 shirts + 2 jeans) cost less than $30 TOTAL.


*Though technically, by writing this post I'm no longer keeping it to myself!

**It's surprising how many people ask if they're identical. Identical twins are IDENTICAL, which means that if one is a boy and one is a girl, there is no scientifically possible way they could be.

****

Private Dancer, dancin' for money...

If anyone wants to join me, my sister & Oprah* at what will be presumably your last chance EVER to see Tina Turner live-in-concert**, I have 2 extra tickets that I need to sell!

Date: 10/6/08
Time: 7:30p.m.
Place: Chicago's Allstate Arena, Rosemont

E-mail me ASAP (see sidebar) for seating location & price. I'm just looking to get face value + Ticketmaster fees. This is not a scheme to make a big pile o'dough.

I would need payment via Paypal by this Tuesday (9/30) morning and will overnight them to you that evening.



Whenever I get tickets to a show, I make mix CDs for myself & the people I'm going with. The cover of the latest mix is of my sister & I in a vintage photo of Tina Turner, aptly titled, "Private Dancers '08". In our own ways, aren't we ALL dancing for money? It can't be just the 3 of us in this black & white photo.

We've seen her in concert before, and she will blow the roof off the mothertrucker. If you're tempted in the least, you should just go for it, and I'm not saying that just to sell the tickets. Seriously.


*If you don't like Oprah, pretend I didn't mention her name.

*In Chicago.

EXTRA! ENERGIZING!

It's supremely late, and I really should close my eyes because if you follow my twitter tweets (see right sidebar if you don't know what I'm talking about), you already know that the tone of my Thursday was set first thing in the morning when I attempted to drive to work with my purse on the roof of my car. It was a day to forget, believe me.

I'm getting back in my car at the crack of dawn, hopefully with my purse INSIDE the vehicle and my head out of my... what was I saying? This Saturday is Nikki Night in Atlanta. The last time I was in that section of the country, I came home and wrote up this list of things you'd never hear in Chicago. I can't wait for #4. It's one of the best things about being around southern gentlemen. OH, and I'm definitely going to have a moonpie and lemonade while I'm down there. If you don't know what THAT is, you are definitely missing out.

A little pre-travel tip for you: If you finally find yourself done with everything on your TTD list at 3 a.m. and decide to jump in the shower before crawling in bed to sleep for 3 hours before driving 9 hours, and if you'd like to keep that, "exhausted in both mind AND body" feeling post-shower, so when you get in bed sleep comes easily... don't use this:


Burt's Bees Extra Energizing Citrus & Ginger Root Body Bar.


In case you didn't notice, it's EXTRA! ENERGIZING! I love it, and it smells amazing, but I wish I was thinking straight when I decided to use it this time of night. My body is exhausted. My mind, however, is EXTRA! ENERGIZED!

Stealing Pies, Hearts, Bases

September, 2003. With my 2 favorite bookends (at 5'5", I'm not as short as the 5'11" Staci and 6'1" Emily make me look), at Emily's 30th birthday party. The three of us have been friends since 1991, so you can take it as gospel when I say that Em is refined and classy even when she's not sporting that tiara. Except when she's had tequila. Staci is always sweet and empathetic, except when you're an adult who acts like a whiny baby and she's your orthodontist (Luckily, my teeth were straightened a long time ago).



Later that same night with Debbie, another tall drink of water who happens to be one of Emily's 7 sisters; all of whom I adore. Deb has that shirt on because of the "wear something tropical, it's a luau!" theme, so she dressed accordingly. I mistakenly thought it was a "match the interior of Emily & Mel's den, and while you're at it, flirt with the bartender Emily & Mel hired" theme, so I dressed and was served really good drinks accordingly. In our own special ways, we're both excellent at adhering to party theme requests.


Staci & I met Debbie's husband Adam for the first time that night. He was warm, charming, and exactly the kind of man who inspires you (after 2 minutes in his presence) to say to his wife/your friend, "He's a keeper!". Not only do you say it, but you also MEAN IT.

Everyone at the party was enjoying the unconventional birthday PIES that Emily requested her husband Mel have the place stocked with. Shortly thereafter, Staci & I headed to the guest room for something. Debbie and Adam joined us, and we discussed how surprisingly great the pies were; that it must be a California thing. Adam noticed on our way through the kitchen that there was only one pie left, and he broke this news to us gently.

Staci & I feigned tears, joking about how we were out-of-town weekend guests at the house and all the locals were eating what we hoped would be our morning hangover cure. This meant we'd possibly have to consider cutting back on our alcohol intake or something else "mature" to avoid being out of commission when the sun came up. Without another word Adam left the room while the 3 ladies continued discussing serious topics, like how the hot bartender is only bartending until he gets discovered, something you never hear people say in California.

A few minutes later, Adam came back in the guest room, closing the door behind him. He had been in the kitchen, stealing that last pie for Staci & I, and it was exactly in that moment that he stole our hearts, too.


Debbie, Adam, and the stolen pie. Our hearts were quick to follow.


Adam is not only an accomplished thief of pies & hearts, but also a published author. The Boston Globe just wrote THIS great story on Adam. He has 2 upcoming events in the Boston area, in which he will read from his own work and that of other contributors to the "Fenway Fiction" series. Books will be available for purchase and signing.

Rounder Books is pleased to announce the release of "Further Fenway Fiction", an anthology of Red Sox short stories, edited by Adam Emerson Pachter. "Further Fenway Fiction" follows-up "Fenway Fiction" which Yankee Magazine called “delightful.” These two collections of short stories are the first all-fiction anthologies inspired by the Boston Red Sox. The stories look at the Red Sox through humor, drama, mystery--and even a bit of Shakespeare. “…[Adam Emerson] Pachter drew on a very real passion for the Sox, added a bit of imagination, and hit a home run with a truly unique collection.”

Baseball Fever at Livewires
Tuesday, May 13 at 10:00 a.m. (tomorrow!)
Reading Public Library
64 Middlesex Avenue, Reading MA 01867
Come early for coffee!

Adam Emerson Pachter at WPL
Thursday, May 29 at 7:30 p.m.
Westborough Public Library
55 West Main Street, Westborough, MA 01581


Be sure to tell him his Chicago partner in pie-crime says hi!


Get "Fenway Fiction" HERE


Get "Further Fenway Fiction" HERE

Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah!

You might have already read about this since the story has been floating around the internet for the past week, but the Leonard Cohen song, "Hallelujah" was performed by some dude on American Idol and it shot up the charts immediately. I don't really watch American Idol so I didn't see it for myself (I have more important things to do like dedicating myself to VH1 shows featuring Ricco Rodriguez--more on him later--Bret Michaels, Scott Baio and whichever "Brady" Christopher Knight used to be. Calm down, I know he was Bobby! Kidding, he was Greg, right?), but I know the song extremely well because it was made famous post-Cohen in the 90's by one of my personal favorites, Jeff Buckley.

The reason I decided to write this post is to tell you that if you're at all interested in this song by this particular singer (and why wouldn't you be?), but are not going to buy the entire Grace cd, you should put your hard-earned dollar to better use by getting the 9-minute version off of his Live at Siné 2-CD set. It's not only a live performance from a legendary show but is also 3 minutes longer than the version on Grace. It is also gorgeous and raw, which is what I love most about it. 

I feel qualified to share this information with you because I've been a freak for Jeff Buckley since the beginning of his career; and you can read all about it in a post I wrote back in June. It's a long one, but you aren't doing much else at work today, are you? Besides, at the end of that post is a good Buckley primer, and before you know it you might own every single thing that has ever been offered to the public-at-large like I do. My love for him started over 13 years ago with one song, and the next thing I knew, I had everything available, even the imports. Not that I'm obsessed. So, check out my non-obsession with Jeff Buckley by clicking HERE.


JB is #1 in popularity, not only in my playlists (on the left) but also because a billion people bought it through the iTunes store! You can see how NOT obsessed with his music I am. The playlists shown are only part of my Buckley collection. But I'm definitely not obsessed. Preoccupied, maybe; obsessed, no. Wait, is it possible to qualify as being "preoccupied" with something for over 13 years? I mean, I HAVE purchased other music over that time, and the Estate of Jeff Buckley hasn't put a restraining order against me, so that's a good sign, right?

At the end of the 9-minute Siné version, Jeff bids the crowd adieu after a very long and incredibly diverse set, in the sweetest way, and it always makes me smile: "That's all, good night. I love you... so much! You're fabulous, beautiful and I love you. Now let's go drink... and sleep!" Perfection. That sentiment alone is worth more than what they're charging. This makes me feel better about our economy, that in some way paying .99 for a great 9-minute song helps to balance out the swiftly rising gas and food prices. AND TAXES. If you have $1.98 to spend, buy both the Grace and Siné versions. Times are tough, though. Maybe you can go in on that purchase with a couple of your friends, and hold your own listening party! Charge a cover and by the end of the night you'll be ahead by a long-shot.

All of the people who didn't have this inside information and already paid the same price for the 6-minute version on Grace (still beautiful, but each version is different in 1,000 ways) kinda got screwed if you go solely by song-minutes-to-money... so, you're welcome.

The second most overused phrase in all our years of friendship: "How did we even get ON this subject?". You don't want to know what the first one is.

Last night Anastasia Beaverhausen (aka Jen) and I were on the phone, going over some things we're collaborating on. Other than the fact that during these calls, she's usually sitting on the John Deere lawn tractor in their garage, beer-in-hand (she lives in Texas, it's state law) and the fact that I'm usually lying in bed trying to keep warm under my down comforter, red wine-in-hand (naturally), we treat these conversations like teleconferenced business meetings. We get a lot done when we're in "Billable Time", or B.T.  Non-billable time involves a lot of short text messages to each other that end with, "Longr vrsion 2nite in B.T.".

Once in awhile during B.T., her husband will come out to her office the garage to get another beer and to tell us to quiet down because the kids are trying to sleep ask why she only laughs like that when we're on the phone find out when I'm coming back for a visit make us woozy with his impression of Barry White, which sounds just like this:


Double-click on the 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the imeem player.


The only difference being that her husband uses his own deep voice to recite the script from those Arby's commercials that Barry White did, the description of a sandwich pouring out of his mouth slow-like-molasses, our giddy reactions doing nothing but encouraging him to continue. That is, until he gets sick of hearing himself say, "Ohhh baby, Beeeeef and Cheddar. Molten hot cheddar cheese dripping down over thinly sliced beef, on a freshly baked bun. Beefffff and cheddarrrrr, it's what you want to eaaaattttt, baby...". 

I say until HE gets sick of it, because we never will. I digress.


Some important points we went over last night in B.T. were...

Necessity really is the mother of invention:

JEN: "V. and her company will be at ShoWest with all of Hollywood again this year. Once she was even alone in an elevator with Ben Affleck. Wouldn't THAT be fun?"

ME: "I don't know, I get the feeling that Ben Affleck is the kind of guy who would definitely have something to say if you tried to seduce him in an elevator. He doesn't seem like the just-go-with-the-flow type that scenerio would require."

JEN: "Honey, that's what duct tape was invented for."



The internet is an important tool when you need the correct spelling, usage and definition of one of her mom's favorite words, (which for the record is pronounced GOH-SH):

JEN: "Is the word "Gauche" spelled with an 'a' or an 'o'?"

ME: "An 'a', and I know this because I looked it up earlier at Dictionary.com. Wait, there's a definition on *Urbandictionary.com for 'Gouche' with an 'o'. Let me see what that means... {typing, then gasping} Uh, I don't think you're ready to hear what the Urban Dictionary says the word 'gouche' means. It's definitely not the same thing as 'gauche'. For starters, 'gouche' rhymes with 'douche', and that's the least offensive thing about it. By the way, I have been calling what they say 'gouche' means something else entirely for many, many years."

{typing on a keyboard} JEN: "Ok, now I gotta see this for myself."


We proceeded to laugh so hard that one of us almost passed out. The thought of her mother uttering the word 'gouche' (which to my knowledge she never has) instead of 'gauche', is too much hilarity to even express in words. I just want to take a second to tell you that the definition of this 'gouche' is not for the faint of heart, so don't say I didn't warn you if you decide to look it up yourself.

The conversation continues as we're both reading down the page:

ME: "Did you see the example sentence in that 2nd definition? I think that's my new favorite example sentence of all time, and not just because of the total disregard for spelling or punctuation. Obviously the word 'gouche' rises above any punctuation you would ever dare to put near it. It's like the superhero of words."

JEN: "That settles it, I'm keeping the 'o' in. Goooouche. It just feels right."



If you want to spend the evening with an 80's icon, as well as have the perfect take-home gift for everyone on your list, go no further than Billy Bob's Texas:

JEN: "I forgot to tell you that there is a group of 20 of us going to see Rick Springfield in a couple of weeks!"

ME: "I am so glad I didn't know far enough in advance to join you. I've seen him live so please understand that I'm the person you don't want to be next to at a Rick Springfield concert. I have two words for you: Jessie's Girl. As soon as I hear the opening notes of that song, I go batsh*t-crazy. You don't even want to see me when he gets to my favorite line; "She's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!".


Double-click on the 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the imeem player.


JEN: "Oh trust me, I might out-batsh*t-crazy you. I've never seen him in concert, so it's going to be insane. You should look up the venue website. You know how some bars have those mechanical bulls people can ride? Well, Billy Bob's Texas has actual live...."

ME: "Don't even tell me they have actual cowboys walking around that you can ride, because if that's the case, I'm leaving everything behind and moving to Texas right now. Tonight."

JEN: "Uh, no, I was going to say that they have live rodeo-style bull riding."

ME: "Same difference!"

{Both of us start singing, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy"; which is the kind of unplanned synchronicity that our friendship was built on.}


Double-click on the 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the imeem player.


Somehow I end up looking at the online gift shop for Billy Bob's and come across "The Bullie", otherwise known as El Saco De Toro:

El Whato De Toro?

The description was So. Very. Descriptive., that I couldn't read the whole thing out loud without laughing; so I told Anastasia that she'd have to get back online immediately and read it for herself.

"You can be the proud owner of an original Saco De Toro "Bullie". An actual scrotum of the king of the range. It came from a proud, virile beast and at one time contained the seeds of life and the future of the herd. Bullies have weathered the heat of summers and the cold winds of winters. The scars and blemishes on the "Bullie" are indicative of the hardships endured by the beast. You can be assured that there are no two "Bullies" alike. They are as distinctive as fingerprints and come in different colors, sizes, shapes, and textures. Your "Bullie" will be unique, useful, conversational and expressive. From a planter to a golf ball holder its uses are limited only by your imagination!"

I don't have to tell you that she already has one on order, and that is no joke. At first she said she was going to give it to her husband for Valentine's Day (so romantic, especially when filled with candy kisses!) but about 2.5 seconds later we were coming up with all the things she could use it for, like the designated holder of keys, mail and small change; a safe place for sunglasses or a small beer cooler just to name a few. My favorite is the visual of the Bullie being used as her new purse. It would be a shame to keep that leather whip-stitching around the top to herself, she should show it off around town! When she did a search for it (comparison shopping, you know), she found one description that said it was the perfect mini-trash can! El Saco, indeed!


Nearly 2 hours of Billable Time later, we closed with this:

Me: "I am so exhausted from this conversation. Our friendship has basically been 2 decades of training for the laugh-riot that was this phone call, and yet it still wasn't enough preparation."

JEN: "I know, I feel like such a gouche."

ME: "How did we even get ON this subject?"

......



*For the record, I have a long and distinguished (alright, not so distinguished) history with the Urban Dictionary. My friend Shoni has sent me the actual Urban Dictionary books over the years, and I will often randomly flip through them because they are hilarious. In case you're wondering, my favorite Urban Dictionary definition of all time is for the word CRYMAX. I can't imagine a sentiment more poetic than that verb. Just having that word and it's meaning in my vocabulary makes me smile.

Those cassette tapes never stood the test of time, but luckily my lips did; also see: "Tick Tock Ya Don't Stop"

I've written a handful of posts about my 2 favorite books of 2007: Remembering Ruby (my sister's fabulous book for families, classrooms, pet-lovers, anyone with a heartbeat!) & Transit Maps of the World (Mark Ovenden's drool-worthy book filled with, you guessed it, transit maps of the world!), and I've also written eleventy-seven-thousand jokey-joke posts on what it takes to get me to make out with guys... which, it turns out, is surprisingly not much (In my defense, this guy led me down the path of legendary lip-locking back in 1985 and I never turned back).

So, it seems that H.o.J. friend Rob not only bought the above listed books based on my recommendations (as many of you did!), but also sent me an email with photo evidence as an invitation (challenge?) to make good on my words:


Trust that you will have my full attention with a subject line of, "Let the make out begin!". I'm not going to mention anything about that mysterious last line in his e-mail, though. I'll let someone else make the first quip.


Here's the photo he sent along with his e-mail. Oooh, books on the fireplace. Very romantic, no?!


All we need now is some mood-enhancing music. With such profoundly deep lyrics, how can anyone blame me for suggesting this classic:


Do not underestimate the seductive power of Color Me Badd. I played this cassingle (remember those?) so much in my first year of college that I wore it out. I have no shame about that; which seems to be a running theme on this blog.


I'll tell you what, Rob. As soon as you get back from your vacation in Mexico, you should: pour some wine, light a fire in that fireplace, and put on my favorite 90's mood music. You will then have the makings of what could be a very special evening, whether I'm actually there with you or not.

An Englishman in New York (and D.C., and back to New York; then finally home to Paris!)

I have a recap and an update from THIS TEASER POST for you... and what an update it is! Just sit back, relax, and read on. But first, let me set the mood by reminding you of one thing from last month. I have never written truer words than these:

You know my crazy plans, don't you? The ones in which I attempt to bend space and time and break every rule of gravity and all human expectation to get something somewhere on the tightest of deadlines; and they never, ever go smoothly, but they almost always have a positive end result? Yes, those are the plans of which I speak.

Back in October, I wrote THIS POST about a newly published book that I was drooling over and had just ordered. Sure, the post was also a thinly veiled excuse to write about how hot Javier Bardem is, but it was mostly about the book and how brilliant the person who came up with the idea to create such a book must be. A few days later, he came across my blog and I got a hilarious e-mail from him (the author, not Javier Bardem...yet), which I posted HERE.

Once I received the books--one for me and one for a gift--I wrote to ask if I sent him the books with a stamped return envelope, would he be cool with signing them for me? I give you the following e-mail excerpts (believe it or not, I cut some things out!) from the adventure that was to be. You'll have to read it yourself (click on the images to enlarge, obviously) to believe it:


A continuation of the previous posted emails between us, in which I ask if he'd be willing to sign my copy and the one I bought as a gift for a friend, along with his response that he was in NYC for a short time, then off to Washington DC, then back to NYC for a few days; and finally will be flying home to Paris; but that he'd be glad to meet me in NYC for a one-person book signing! Too bad I don't live in NYC anymore.



The short timeframe (he leaves the country in 6 days, and will not be in one place throughout that time for long!) will prove to be less of a problem than all the other obstacles, like the USPS and a forgotten-about-until-it's-too-late holiday weekend. I will have to overnight the books for delivery at the NYC location where he won't even be at until he returns from Washington D.C. It's going to be a real shot-in-the-dark for this to actually happen, which is okay with me because I like a challenge. He's game for it as well!



I email him with the overnighted package's tracking number and alert him that unfortunately, even though I checked off that it could be left without signature, that the post office did NOT follow those instructions and it would be held for pickup at the post office for 5 days, after which it'll be returned to sender. He'll be leaving the country before that time, so this is a problem; however he generously suggests that one of the friends he is staying with might be able to hit the post office on his lunch break to pick it up for Mark (who has a meeting and won't be able to get there himself), and then writes, "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll sort it out!"



This has officially turned into a comedy of errors. I called the post office hotline and am reminded that it's a holiday weekend (Veteran's Day), which means NO MAIL SERVICE, and he leaves for Paris in just over 24 hours. Things are looking grim, but I knew going in that it would not be easy to make this happen. Even at the end, if getting the books signed didn't work out, I'd have a fantastic story, I have made a new friend, and I totally appreciate the rarified experience for what it was! Once again, Mark bends over backward to reassure me that he's in this with me. If he didn't have a sense of humor, this would not have been the case.



We've realized that an exchange of cell phone numbers might help in the 'synchronization of our watches' (so to speak) and trying to stay one step ahead of the barrier that is the USPS. Seems as if the eventuality of mailing them to him once he returns to Paris would have been easier than all of this ridiculousness, and yet still, he laughs it off. This man should be cloned.



I made early morning phone calls to 2 different NYC post offices to find out where the books are being held, and how I can make it as simple as possible for Mark to pick them up. By this time, he has only mere hours before he's on a plane and has many other things he could be doing with his remaining time in Manhattan. His only real concern at this point is not how much energy he's put into this caper for a perfect stranger, but if he'll be able to retrieve the package from the post office himself because the addresses on the package (his friend's apartment) and on his ID (from home) will not match; wonders if he'll have to get plastic surgery to look like the people who live in said apartment (upon reading that very descriptive hilarity, I laugh & spit out the orange juice I was drinking). Also, he apologizes to ME because of the "drama" of the situation. It's very possible that he is superhuman.



I assure him that his name is, in fact, on the mailing label and I did confirm with the post office that as long as he had his ID, he'd have no problem with it being released to him. By now our emails mostly consist of apologizing back and forth.



He emails, "...the job is done!!!!", but what he had to actually go through once at the post office is beyond my comprehension. I can't even sum it up in this caption. You'll have to click on this image to read it for yourself. I can't believe he went through all of that trauma right before he had to hop a flight back home. His generosity with the small amount of personal time he had in the past 6 days blows my mind, and I'm absolutely convinced that even the people who love me the most in the world probably would have given up days ago (except my sister).



Mark checking in from Paris, wondering if I've gotten the books yet.



The books arrive!



Mark e-mails to tell me that in the hour after I wrote THIS post, naming his book as one of "My Favorite Things", it jumped 99 spots up the Amazon charts (which he credits to you, the House of Jules readers)!.



Success!



"For Jules, Hope this gives you something truly drool-worthy! Bravo on getting them here, Mark Ovenden"


Not only did I get an incredible book signed by the author; but I gained a lot of faith in mankind (and a new friend!). There really are people in the world who will agree that what you're going to try might be a little bit crazy and close to impossible, but they're willing to go along for the ride with you. They're ready to make an attempt at bending space and time, breaking every rule of gravity and all human expectation; and that my friends, is what life is all about.



Yes, that REALLY is my Amazon.com review of his book. REALLY.



Click HERE to order Mark's book, Transit Maps of the World!

One of my Favorite Things can actually be yours, and you should order it today!

Mark Ovenden's Transit Maps of the World; the one thing in this photo I really, really want to share with you; though I expect you to buy your own copy.

My new favorite person is Mark Ovenden, the brilliant mastermind behind my new favorite book, Transit Maps of the World. His book probably sounds familiar to you because I wrote about it HERE, HERE and HERE.

I received the copies I ordered (for myself and for holiday gifts) last week, and it totally exceeded my expectations. The graphic design elements of the book and the maps therein really highlight the actual artistry of cartography. It is an excellent gift idea for anyone-- from your parents who like to travel, to your artsy designer friends, to your brother the engineer, your best friend the environmental activist (who for years has lectured everyone in earshot that if people who had access to mass transit used it--instead of using their own vehicles--the planet would be better off) and even your impossible-to-buy-for Uncle, the model train enthusiast. It's a truly fascinating and unique buy, even if it's for yourself.

Trust me, if I were to let you hold my copy in your hands you'd want to take it home with you, and maybe even make out with it a little. Or is that just me? Okay, maybe that's just me:


Yes, that REALLY is my Amazon.com review. REALLY.


At minimum, you'll want your own copy, so buy it today through Amazon and help my new favorite person boost his book up towards the New York Times Bestsellers list. For more information, read this e-mail I just got from him:

Transit Maps of the World has today been mentioned in THIS New York Times book review, in a article by William Grimes called “From the Glove Compartment to the Shelf".

I’m writing to ask you a huge favor: In order to get into the “New York Times Bestsellers Paperback Non-Fiction” chart a book has to reach at least around #140 in overall sales on Amazon.com, on any one day! If lots of people log on to Amazon today and buy a copy then there’s a chance we could get into that bestsellers list! Being able to claim that one of your works has been a “New York Times Bestseller” is a huge honor and as you might imagine, a tremendous boost for any author.

Therefore if you were even remotely considering buying a copy online at any time...TODAY’S THE DAY! If at all possible do order one today as it could make the most enormous difference to the future for my writing work, not to mention further elevate interest in the recent debate about the New York Subway map, and transit and cartography in general!

Sorry to trouble you during the holiday period, but we freelance authors need to be shameless self-promoters!

Drool.

If you order a copy from Amazon today and help my new favorite person, I'll make out with you! (Just kidding--unless you're Jeremy Piven, Javier Bardem, Antonio Banderas, or Olivier Martinez--and if that's the case then you should already know by now that book is not required). However, when the book arrives at your door from Amazon, it's all yours, if you know what I'm sayin', and I think you do.

Click HERE to order!

Fun with alliteration: Reading, (W)riting, and 'rithmatic Remembering Ruby

There is a write-up on my sister's book, Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet, in today's newspaper, and my design work even scored a mention! Click on the image to see it up close and personal:


She's ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille.

If you haven't already purchased a copy (or 10), here's your friendly reminder that it will make a great holiday gift for everyone on your list! Just click on the direct link to her Amazon.com page in the right column of my blog (just scroll down a little bit... you can't miss it)!

To read more on the book, click here.

Melisa L. Wells: Ink Slinger Extraordinare

My sister Melisa L. Wells is now a published author! She poured her heart and soul into "Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet" and I DEMAND ENCOURAGE you to buy the book! You can either click on the amazon direct purchase link in the right column of my blog, or you can hop over to her blog and buy it there.

I'm so proud of her for continuing to set goals for herself toward reaching each of her dreams. She has always knocked over any obstacles unfortunate enough to be in her way, almost always with a sunshine-y smile on her face. I should know since when we were kids I was the obstacle getting knocked over! Bah-dum-bump!

She asked me to design the cover and inside layout of the book, and it was a truly priceless experience to work on a project like this special book together. She pretty much gave me free reign and that right there? That is the perfect client. You hear that, clients of mine? Take some notes from my sister, otherwise I'll send her to your offices and have her knock you over. You'll know it's her because the last thing you'll see is her sunshine-y smile:


Me, with the totally obtrusive inflatable arm floaties, and my sister with the sleek inflatable swan. Totally sums up our personalities. Bull in a china shop (me) and graceful ballerina-type (her). Here we are in the late 70's at our local country club. By "local" I mean our backyard, and by "country club" I mean a craptastic kiddie pool. Was that pool even deep enough to warrant my wearing floaties? Good times.


If she asked me to do another book with her tomorrow, I would. That's saying a lot after what we went through the past 10 months to get this one out into the world, which you can read ALL about on her blog. While you're there, buy the book!


We were put through the ringer to see this book go from my design files on my computer to the actual printed book, but as evidenced by this childhood photo of us, even in stormy weather we stand strong together under our umbrellas. Ellas. Ellas. Eh. Eh. Eh.


Here is the announcement my sister sent out to family and friends:

During the difficult time after our beagle Bijoux died in April 2003, I was unable to find a book on pet loss that our family could share. That summer, I wrote a book on the subject–geared towards families with young children–after it occurred to me that writing our story would be therapeutic while also helping other families going through the same thing.

I have been waiting to make this big announcement for a long time: as of last week, my book "Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet" was officially published!

The story, told from my son's point of view, is accompanied by black and white photographs. Because losing a pet is often the first time that children have to cope with death, I thought it important to include suggestions on helping children grieve in their own way, which you’ll find at the back of the book in the "Guide for Parents” section.

My sister Julie spent countless hours designing the interior of the book (and working other photo magic, like editing millions of dust particles out of some of my scanned photos) and she is also responsible for the absolutely stunning cover.

Speaking with many people about the process of publishing my book during the past year has reinforced my belief that “Remembering Ruby” fills a void in an often overlooked subject matter, and I hope that our family's story can help comfort other families that are dealing with the sadness of losing a pet.

Here’s your call to action: The book is now available online at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Every good review will help promote “Remembering Ruby”, so if you buy the book, you can help me by writing an online review (of any length) on the “Remembering Ruby” page on either bookseller’s website. I am going to need a lot of word-of-mouth promotion for this. If you would be so kind, please pass this information on to as many people as you feel comfortable. I appreciate your help in spreading the word!

By the way, I have also been writing a blog about this journey, and Julie just gave the site an extreme makeover! According to my publisher, purchasing from and reviewing on amazon.com will boost the book's sales rating, and so Julie has installed a direct purchase link from my website. Click here to get to my blog: Remembering Ruby

I also want to thank everyone who has given me support and encouragement along the way; this is truly a dream realized and I couldn't be happier about how the book has turned out. I am very excited to share it with you and the rest of the world.

What are you still here for? Get over to her blog, already!