Let me just say a couple of things before I go back to banging my head against a brick wall and repeatedly yelling, "I call bullsh*t!".
You all know I love men, right? If you know me personally or if you've been reading this blog for oh, say, more than a minute you are aware of that already. I am a the president of the Man Fan Club, believe me. I even write a special one-Wednesday-per-month, "Putting the Hump in Humpday" post; which is really just a good excuse to extoll the greatness of men, shining a positive light on the opposite sex, and having a lot of fun while doing it. I. Love. Men.
What I don't love are idiots... of either gender.
Men AND women are capable of cheating. I have friends who have been on both the receiving and giving ends of it. I have never been a cheater but I was cheated on, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. Thankfully, I only had to disentangle myself from a boyfriend and not a marriage with all the complexities that entails.
Earlier this week at work, we talked about Dr. Laura's appearance rounding out a Today Show panel-of-three "experts" that also included a psychologist and an anthropologist weighing in on the Eliot Spitzer scandal. I assume Dr. Laura was on this panel because she is a cheater so she knows of what she speaks, and she hates herself enough to dive face-first into a firestorm of her own hypocrisy.
I didn't see it myself but got THIS LINK to a clip that gave me an entirely new litany of reasons to run this woman idiot over with a car. Not that I'm a violent person. I'm not. Hearing anything come out of her mouth seems to make me crazy, though, so I blame my need to write this post on temporary insanity.
Here is the cliff notes version of the video link, in case you, for whatever reason, can't see/hear it:
The psychologist: "Two wrongs don't make a right."
The anthropologist: "All you have to do is look at him and he's got very high cheekbones and very heavy brow ridges and those are signs of extremely high testosterone. We know he's very aggressive and he's also very sexual."
The woman who, if I ever meet in a dark alley, I plan on punching in the face (Dr. Laura): "Men do need validation. When they come into the world they're born of a woman. Getting the validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like our hero, he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs. These days, women don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give their men what they need...the cheating was his decision to repair what's damaged, and to feed himself where he's starving. I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need."
I just keep reminding myself that she's a cartoon character, and a total joke. Nobody takes her seriously. Except, possibly, people who are cheaters and heard her on The Today Show. Just getting this off my chest is making me feel better already. Almost as good as, say, a "perfectly good man" must feel when he's not being "tossed out".
My last 2 points on this subject:
* Was Dr. Phil too busy issuing statements to be on this Today Show panel?
* For $1,000 an hour (The low-end of The Emporer's Club hourly rate), I think men would have no problem getting their actual wives to "validate" them ALL. DAY. LONG.
29 comments:
When you're off to run her over in the streets, can I come and sit with you in the biggest bus that we can rent for money?
If there is such a thing as feeling ashamed of something someone else said, this is the time. What a disgrace, really.
Now I feel like I want to punch myself in the head for having violent thoughts...grrrrr
We can have a race to see who gets to her first. I cannot stand that woman. This just gives me more reason to not like her.
Personally, I think she's just saying this to get attention. She's got a new book out and needs the publicity. She can't possibly truly believe in what she says, right?
I mean, c'mon, nobody is that big of an idiot.
(Right?)
I think she may have been the woman to start the Good Wife's Guide.
I could actually see some retarded guy say something as stupid as that, but I'm pretty surprised to see it come from a woman.
I saw said interview the other day, and although my first instinct was to think, "I can't believe she's saying that!" (because I am known for giving people the benefit of the doubt), I quickly corrected myself because she really does believe that. I used to listen to her radio show DAILY (they don't even play it in Chi-town anymore; she must have gotten on someone's very last nerve) because I really love her no-nonsense approach with SOME things.
This, though, is ridiculous. And yes, she did go on the show to sell books, I'm sure...but she REALLY does have beliefs like that. UGH!
BTW, you said you have friends who have been "both on the receiving and giving ends of it." hee hee
Wow, was this woman born in the Dark Ages? There are a lot of reasons people cheat but they aren't the other persons fault.
That has to be one of the most ignorant excuses I have ever heard.
A common saying on the street is people who are getting it at home are less likely to look for it elsewhere. I think she picked an overly complex way to say that but sounds like she made it an absolute where I said "likely"
Anyone who wants to believe that not getting any won't make you hornier, stupider and more apt to cheat than normal has never known a man on an honest level before.
Now, does that mean that men who are getting all they want at home don't cheat, no. So I agree that it is stupid to that all cheating results from not making him happy. Conversely, you can't make the case that it does not greatly increase the odds. Not with any honesty anyway.
On another note, I was talking about this with a friend the day it broke. I think the hooker thing takes it to a whole new level. At least for me. If you are in a good, long -term relationship and the other person slips, caves in to temptation I think I could forgive that. It would depend on some other things but I could *see* forgiveness happening. With a hooker though, no, that was no crime of passion, that was no slip in the moment. That was premeditated.
Game over man, game over.
That may be longest comment and it is certainly the only serious one I have done here at HOJ!
I hate it when I see typos AFTER I post. Grrrr.
Dr. Laura is one dumb bint. Validation my ass, unfaithful cretins.
Not only is the hooker thing pre-meditated, but this supposedly intelligent man (harvard law grad anyone?) actually paid EXTRA for her to do it without a condom!!!! I had actually completely forgotten that "Dr." (and I use that term loosely) Laura actually existed. It's obvious that she subscribes to Freud's theory that all the problems in the world stem from women. I could outdo the length of the hump day post disputing that (let alone Rob's comment). But I'll leave it at this - I concur. I too call Bullsh**.
Hey Stacey,
I could outdo the length of the hump day post disputing that (let alone Rob's comment).
If you don't want to post it feel free to e-mail me. I'm not *just* a joker. I would not mind having a serious conversation about this with you. My e-mail is on my profile.
Excuse me while I go make a doctor's appt. My blood pressure seems to be dangerously high.
I don't know why any legitimate outlet gives her a platform. The only people who take her seriously are having an affair.
I LOVE YOU MOTHERTRUCKERS, BECAUSE SOME OF YOU KEEP IT LIGHT AND SOME OF YOU DIVE RIGHT INTO THE DEEP END. THIS IS AN HOJ FIRST, IT'S GETTING ALL SERIOUS UP IN HERE. I'M RIGHT HERE WITH YOU!
@Kat: Yes, let's get the largest, heaviest bus money can buy. I'm sure we'll have plenty of donations to pay for it!
@Bev/SS: You wanna just combine efforts and hop on the bus with Kat & I? Gas is too pricey for everyone to drive in their own road beast.
@CherryRide: I'm certain that part of her subscribes to the Ann Coulter School of Self-Promotion, but honestly, I think she has enough self-loathing (as a female AND a "cheater") to actually believe what she said.
@Spammon: YES! Parts of The Good Wife's Guide flashed in my head when I watched the video of her Today Show appearance, but I couldn't remember what it was called to refer to it (so, thanks!). Mostly, though, it was the whole, "Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him." type of mentality in her statements that was flashing like a strobe light in my head. Either that or I was totally stroking out. I'm not sure which.
@MelisaMyActualSista: Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I never for a second was in disbelief that she said that stuff, I was just on fire about it. Just because someone comes off as really believing in what they're saying doesn't make it accurate or true; and in fact I think the opposite is true. Anyone can build a lifestyle (not a *life* but a lifestyle) around a bunch of lies; a total facade, and after awhile start believing it... but all that crap eventually comes tumbling down. It's like Gertrude said in Hamlet, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Also, methinks I'd like to smack some sense into the "Dr.".
And as for your "that's what she said" highlighting of my "both on the receiving and giving ends of it", I tried re-wording that sentence 3 times and finally just left it as it was! Oh well. I do kinda love it, though. ;) I also struggled with adding "figuratively, not literally" after my disclosure of being cheated ON, as in, "it didn't actually happen ON TOP OF ME... so I won one of 2 battles in that post!
@MelissaMyInternetSista: I think she was born in the dark ages, or in hell. I'm not sure which.
@Rob: I love this serious side of you. We could get into an all night discussion about this, of that I'm sure. Maybe Stacey & I will 3-way you (uhhh, wait....that came out wrong). Seriously, though; I agree with what you wrote and I just wanted to add a few things. There's another saying on the street is, "Don't let the little head make decisions for the big head.", which if you put aside the anatomy and embrace the sentiment, could apply to men or women; so I'm not just calling out one gender. I could give you the names of 4 of my married-or-in-long-term-relationships female friends who are right at this moment stupid with horniness because their libidos are currently in overdrive and their husband's libidos are not. Not to mention the singles who are climbing the walls. All of these women have communicated their needs to their husbands about this fact to no real change in behavior (yet!) and none of them have gone out and spent $4K on a prostitute. Maybe that's in part because they're more apt to vent some of their frustrations to their circle of friends then men are (though the men I hang out with have NO PROBLEM going to great lengths at disclosing what they're getting or not getting). These are long, arduous topics of discussion in my circle so I imagine it to be the same in other groups of women. Meaning, it's not just the men who aren't getting it at home. (and I know you weren't specifically saying that, I just want to clarify.)
I really do appreciate your point of view on this because I think the exchange of ideas (rather than, say, fluids) is what gets people actually THINKING about areas of their lives they could adjust a bit in order to reach for something better inside themselves instead of something better in the form of a quick fix-- that in the end will leave them worse off than where they started.
I'm also very interested in the whole forgiveness after a spouse cheats thing. While I respect the complications that a long-term relationship or marriage brings, I'm not down with this being used as a valid reason to stay together after a bomb goes off in the middle of everything. For me, forgiveness and letting go is one thing, but forgiveness and staying TOGETHER is not an option. I realized, perhaps a little later than others, that my idea of commitment isn't necessarily the same as other people's idea of it. I have had a couple of close friends go through this exact thing in their relationships (one a marriage and one a long-term co-hab situation), and they have both stayed married, though they've both admitted it was more because they swept their partner's betrayal under the rug and shut down emotionally for self-preservation. For me, that is not the way I want to be in a committed relationship, skipping along like major indiscretions occurred and being numb to it. But that is when I realized that my idea of commitment is not the same as everyone else's idea (that I wrote about above). I think many couples don't necessarily establish what consequences to certain actions are, so it's uncharted territory that gets tagged as a "gray area" until or if it ever happens. Ugh. This comment is getting way too long, I'm going to have to email you about it.
@DK: I don't know what a bint is but I'm going to start using that term. I wonder if it's a hybrid of 2 words.... the first one rhymes with witch and the second one having something to do with seeing you next Tuesday. ;)
@Stace: I concur with your concurrence. The comment on intelligence, though, goes back to what I mentioned in my response to Rob on 'not letting the little head make decisions for the big head'. I think that whole paying extra for sex-sans-condom had to be an ego move. Seriously, I hadn't even heard that part of the story so when I read your comment my head (the big one! Wait, I don't have a little one!) just about imploded. As for the "Dr.", I couldn't help but think, "what we have right here is misogynist in women's clothing." What say you & me 3-way (through e-mail) Rob? I'll wear my Cosby sweater if you will. We need to start a blog called, "WE CALL BULLSH*T!"
@Tootsie: You put everything together so simply in your last sentence of, "The only people who take her seriously are having an affair." Thank you for that!
Gee, I must have the most secure marriage in the world (as far as fidelity anyway) 'cause I'll even validate my husband's parking for the bargain basement price of him vacuuming the living room rug! Am I too easy?
In seriousness though, there have been very long periods of "inaction" so to speak, in my marriage but not once did I ever even think of going anywhere else. FOR ANYTHING. There are all sorts of cheating that happen, not just physical, and at a certain point one can be almost as bad as another in my book. All boils down to trust and morals as far as I'm concerned, not nature or evolution. Ever notice how it's only the people that WANT to sleep around indiscriminately that ever bring up the whole "the male of any species must instinctively spread his seed around to perpetuate the species"? You never hear anyone that truly wants to be with just their one and only and can't even imagine being with anyone else popping off with "well, the irresistable pull of nature and evolution that is constantly working on my genitals, literally dragging me towards someone other than my chosen mate like an electromagnet, sure might do number on me but dammit, I'm gonna' give this monogamy thing a try!"
Ooh, take my soap box away please.
Oh the pressure!
The only thing I can add is how ridiculous (we) people are for putting other humans on pedestals (who cares how much money you have, where you went to school, or what career you hold?) until they fall from grace (and prove to be as fallible as any of us) and suddenly deserve vicious attacks and criticisms. I can only guess we don't know the whole story, as usual.
Mostly, I'm angry that I don't make a dime when I have sex with someone!
I'm in favor of punching any woman in the face who excuses any man's behavior simply because he's a man. Give me a break!
People are MESSED UP!
Ugh! I'm so fired up now... my only outlet is to call someone. I hope Miss Dupre's line is open!
I have purpousfully (is that actually a word) stayed clear of this discussion because I was severely pissed off when I saw Dr. Dumbass give her take on cheating men on the Today Show. She deserves no "witty banter" about THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD COME OUT OF A WOMAN'S MOUTH EVER!!! That said, I am highly impressed with the group of regulars here at HOJ that have really stepped up to the plate with amazing commentary on such a tough subject. It's fun to hop on HOJ and joke about current events, but when the sh** comes down you guys do me proud!!
Also, did anyone read HOJ's link "cheater" in the post? Here's what Wikipedia said about Dr. Dipshit:
"While working at USC, she met Dr. Lewis G. Bishop, who was married with dependent children. According to divorce filings, Schlessinger and Bishop began an affair. Bishop left his wife after more than 20 years of marriage, and moved in with Schlessinger. They lived together as an unmarried couple, and Schlessinger tried to get pregnant after reversing an earlier tubal ligation and suffering an ectopic pregnancy. They married in early 1985, eight years after beginning their relationship, and Bishop became Schlessinger's business manager. Schlessinger bore their only child, Deryk Schlessinger, in November 1985, when she was 38."
Does anyone find this as hypocritical as I do? She was the other woman!!
I'm late to the party, but I have to say that I hate "Dr." Laura just about as much as "Dr." Phil.
Seriously, I want to stab my eyes out with a fork whenever I hear one of them start to expound on some topic (ANY topic) as if they are an "expert" on the subject.
GAH!
I hate getting serious. I'd rather make a witty stupid comment to ease the tension. But for once, I'll at least share my views on the subject briefly:
There's no excuse for cheating on your wife. If she is dis-interested in you as much as you are dis-interested in her, then maybe some of the problem is you. No matter what the cause, get a divorce before being a dumb ass. If you are getting a divorce just to have sex with other women, then don't get married. If you are married having sex with other women, then your just a piece of shit.
Well, holy crap, I think Spammon summed up everything I've been trying to take from the inner workings of my brain and put into words very succinctly.
It goes for both men AND women, though. I will "cheers" to that whole thing!
@Jules - All of these women have communicated their needs to their husbands about this fact to no real change in behavior (yet!) the funny part is if and when they get cheated on they will be SHOCKED, utter SHOCKED even though they were warned.
@Spammon - Funny, your advice is exactly what I did. :)
Well I go away for a couple of days all hell breaks loose at HOJ!
WOW Spammon
Thanks for laying it on the line. "There's no excuse for cheating on your wife. If she is dis-interested in you as much as you are dis-interested in her, then maybe some of the problem is you. No matter what the cause, get a divorce before being a dumb ass. If you are getting a divorce just to have sex with other women, then don't get married. If you are married having sex with other women, then your just a piece of shit."
Rob
I enjoyed your last comment of
"If you are in a good, long -term relationship and the other person slips, caves in to temptation I think I could forgive that. It would depend on some other things but I could *see* forgiveness happening."
This subject is way too close to for me to clearly post a personal comment.
So I think I'll just go yowl at the moon!
:)
@Fruitcake Lady: Hell, if *someone* would think to simply wipe their feet at my door, I'd give it up, which might make me sound easy, but you try dating Mike Rowe. Also, since accidentally strip down for the maintenance men around here, you can imagine what I do on purpose.
@Melly: I see what you're saying about putting people on a pedestal, but for me it wasn't SO MUCH about who he was or his political power (and really, my post was more about "Dr." Laura to begin with, but of course his scandal is going to bleed in there), it is more about making a commitment and not only violating it, but doing it in such a disrespectful way. If you aren't making a dime when you have sex with people, you need to up your rate for your "phone" skills! (Was Ms. Dupre available?) ;)
@Jen: I know you're camping with the kids so you won't get back to this for a week, but hey, you know you were the first person I emailed with that Dr. Laura video for a reason. She's a douche and nobody appreciates deconstructing a douche as much as we do! (That sounds oh-so-very-wrong, but you know what I mean!) As for your question on anyone finding her as hypocritical as you do, to that I say... hence this part of my post:
she hates herself enough to dive face-first into a firestorm of her own hypocrisy.
@Moo: You're not late to the party! You're right on time! If you don't like Dr. Phil you should click on the hotlink to him in the bottom of my post. You'll enjoy it, I'm sure.
@Spammon: I already responded to your reply earlier, but I give another nod in your direction...
@Rob & Stacey: Thanks for the long emails, you two. I got a lot out of our little 3-way. Leave a tip on the nightstand, and leave the Dyson behind. Thanks. ;)
@Kris (chasing fireflies): I know! That'll teach you to be in a parade and spend time with your family! It's good to read your 2 cents, too... and I can hear your howling from here!
I think it may be time to throw this in there: "Soooo....how 'bout them Vols?"
I cannot stand that woman. You're right about her being self-hating - she obviously hates her whole gender - why else would she come up with this crap?!
and leave the Dyson behind
Whew! I had a hard time muffling that outbreak of laughter in the office!
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Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
Ok I don't understand why you're mad from Dr. Laura. She perfectly right, men need validation from their partners. I consider myself to be a successful and a good man, and I cheated on my partner, she no longer gave me attention, or satisfied my needs, I no longer felt attractive, or a man, fell in a depressive mood, didn't have the motive to work or to do anything.
I cheated with the first woman who gave me attention, and the moment our affair started I became happy again, didn't care about my partner anymore.
when you're in a relationship you HAVE to satisfy your partners needs, it's not obligatory but it should happen, if it doesn't you're not for each other and shouldn't be together in the first place.
I don't mean to blame the victim, what I did was wrong, some people are pigs and cheat for the heck of it, but on the other side, many are uncared for because their partners are so selfish to think about anything other than themselves ... or simply, weren't the right people for each other
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