Public Service Announcement: After today, every time someone tags me, a butterfly loses it's ability to, uh... fly.

I've gotten tagged twice in the past week, and not in the good way (sorry, I couldn't resist). While I'm flattered when this happens (because it means they're interested in my answers, right?), my first instinct is to yell, "NO! NO! NO!" because I wonder if it's interesting reading for the majority of you. Having an actual conversation about these topics, I think, would be fun, but reading them? I don't know. Is it good for you? If you're not into it and would prefer I stick to my usual non-tagged posts, please let me know in the comments if for nothing else than I can hold it up as an example the next time someone tags me. In effect, I'll have YOU to blame. Thanks.

My mind is a steel trap, so I have not forgotten that I still owe a couple of people responses on previous tags. I will get to those, eventually, unless someone insists in the comments that I stop this sort of thing immediately if not sooner.

Without further ado...

I was tagged by the fabulous Kris (Chasing Fireflies) to write about my favorite quote, though the person who tagged her commented on HER post that it was supposed to be a favorite book tag. I actually have more quote books (yes, books full of quotes) than I care to admit; and I also have too many favorite books to hold only one in my highest regard, so I'll do my own version of this tag and give you one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite books, okay? OK. Warning in advance, the language is SALTY, so if you have virgin eyes, skip this next part.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
This is from the chapter called "You Can't Kill The Rooster", featuring his street-wise younger brother Paul's hilarious antics and filthy mouth.

When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers full of beer, and an enormous F**k-It Bucket— a plastic pail filled with jawbreakers and bite-sized candy bars. "When sh*t brings you down, just say 'f**k it,' and eat yourself some motherf**king candy."

If you haven't read this book, you should get your ass to Amazon, pronto. You can thank me later, with some candy.

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I was also tagged by the lovely Christy (Heavy on the Caffeine) to answer questions all having to do with the number 5. What made me laugh about this tag is that there are 8 questions. Does anyone else see the humor in that?

1) What were you doing 5 years ago?

Hmmm... 2003 was a big year for weddings and traveling; and traveling to get to weddings. I was also going to bachelorette parties, Karaoke-ing for the first time (at least the first time I did it ON PURPOSE), driving my friend Em's Mini Cooper around California in a road rally with other college friends, being surrounded by those same tuxedo-clad friends in one big group hug at a wedding, riding the huge ferris wheel (or as I like to call it: The Wheel of Death™) on the Santa Monica Pier, drinking Pacifico beer with my friends on Pacific Beach at Lahaina's (the best deck-in-the-sand bar in San Diego). There was also getting flown in by one of my favorite people in the galaxy, Mel, to be at one of my other favorite people in the galaxy's 30th luau, getting blown away by the surprise party my sister & Bro-in-Law threw for me. Then I spent time in NYC going to concerts like David Bowie and The Red Hot Chili Peppers and also enjoying post-show rooftop picnics; vacationing with the other members of The Fab Five at the Hard Rock Hotel in Florida, and finally ringing in the new year with some my college friends.

There may have also been some fuzzy cranium rubbing (aww yeah) and miscellaneous tongues involved in separate incidences, but you know, those are things that still (thankfully) happen for me. No, I don't have photographic evidence of EVERYTHING.

Here are 19 photos from 2003. If you let the little hand icon linger over each thumbnail before clicking on it, you'll see the caption, in case you aren't clear what is going on in the photo. Then click to see it all big-like. ("all big-like"? See? This is what tagging does to me. I start talking like David Sedaris' brother.)




2) What are/were 5 things on your to-do list today?

-Wake up (some people don't bother to put that on their TTD lists, but I say any job I can cross out as soon as my eyes flutter open is a job well done)

-Laundry/cleaning up the literal HOJ

-Mailing the winners of my HOJ Humpday contest their prizes. It's only been 2 months.

-Return some calls and e-mails that I haven't been able to get around to.

-Track down & scan some photos I have for my friend Nic's husband Tim

I got all of that done, as well as something that wasn't on my list: pulling 1/2 way into my parking spot at 9 a.m. and then pulling right the hell back out of it; then driving around in the beautiful weather for 45 minutes (gas prices be damned). This was just to avoid my neighbor who walks his cat--sometimes on a leash-- usually right outside of my door. I'm sad to say that I've done that more than once. He's a nice guy, but sometimes it's just too early in the day for me to deal with cats. Actually, there's never a good time of day for me to deal with cats.

3) What are 5 of your bad habits?

-Procrastination, though sometimes I use the excuse that I'm at my best under pressure. See also, Time Management Skills.

-I've been known to over-think certain situations/topics. Is that really a bad habit, though? (Oops, I'm over-thinking again).

-My nails go to hell when I'm under pressure. See also, Procrastination.

-I seem to be incapable of keeping my bedroom closet organized.

-Not getting as much sleep as I need to function at 100%.

4) What are 5 places you've lived?

-Chicago
-Texas
-Tennessee
-Wisconsin
-New York

5) What are 5 jobs you've had?

-High school job: Cashier/stocker at Hallmark
-College (school year job): K-mart electronics department (I was the only girl in the department, at the time it was a major coup)
-College (summer job): Chicago Bears training camp
-Real world job: Photographer
-Real world job: Graphic designer

6) What 5 snacks do you enjoy?

-tortilla chips
-salsa
-strawberries
-margaritas
-strawberry margaritas

Can you tell I didn't satisfy my mexican craving this weekend?

7) What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

If I'm a billionaire I'm definitely going to be doing more than 5 things, but these are the top 5 on my list:

-Hire Suze Orman as my personal financial advisor

-Set up trusts for my family & friends

-Start a non-profit foundation for medical patient advocacy. Seeing all the red tape my friend Nic has dealt with in the past 2 years since she was diagnosed with cancer is so ridiculous & infuriating that there isn't even a word to describe it.

-Real estate! I'd buy my ideal arts & crafts-style Chicago Bungalow (or as my nephews & I call it: The Funkalow), a brownstone in NYC, a house in San Francisco, a pied-á-terre in Paris, and a place to lay my head in Italy (preferably in some hot Italian man's lap, but I'd take a villa on the Amalfi coast). Then I'd get everyone I love to come along with me. On my jet. Which has hot international playboy flight attendants. Who don't file sexual harassment claims.

-Finance the making of "St. Elmo's Goonies Candles Club"; the continuation of four of my favorite 80's movies, St. Elmo's Fire, Goonies, 16 Candles and The Breakfast Club. It will be epic.

That last one is not only to make one of my dreams come true, but also proves to the haters that even if I'm rich as hell, I'm the same girl I always was.

8) What 5 people do you want to tag?

I won't tag you, but if you want to tag yourself, go right ahead!

Enough about them, let's talk about me!

Well, you'd think that I would enjoy getting "tagged" to do a meme, if for nothing else than the word "me" is in there twice... but I am not a fan because it's harder for me to come up with what I think might interest people than just writing a regular post. Several people have tagged me for these things, so I better just dig in and start off with this one. I will, at some point, do the others. Don't let this encourage you to tag me though, because I'm not easily talked into it. I refuse to tag anyone else, so that probably makes me no fun; but if you'd like to do this meme on your blog, feel free to leave word of it in the comments so I can check it out!

Schmutzie tagged me to post seven-random-and/or-weird-things-about-myself. "Weird" is subjective, so it's my intention to just list 7 random things, and if you think they're weird then maybe I'll get bonus meme points that I can cash in for one of those cheap prizes they offer at Chuck E. Cheese!

If you want to know more on any of the following, just click on the hotlinks, which all lead to previous posts that will shed more light on the subject!

1.) By the time I was 26, I lived in 9 different cities in 7 different states; and I'm not even in the witness-protection program. Of these places, NYC is my favorite.

2.) I have a problem being unable to control my attraction to men with accents. I know most of you ladies are probably thinking, "who doesn't have that problem?", but this is no joke. I cannot be held responsible for my actions in those instances. If you're a man with English as your 2nd language, you get away with a lot more than you ever would with me if you were from, say, Connecticut. You can double that attraction if you're a musician with an accent.

3.) I am *slightly* obsessed with comedians; and am totally obsessed with british humor programs... I would quote Little Britain all day long if only the people around me knew what I was talking about. Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant (the geniuses behind The Office and Extras), I wanna have your babies. Same goes for you, Kiwi Flight of the Conchords!

4.) Because of a traumatic childhood experience, I am not a cat person. I can be in the same room as one, but if it starts coming towards me, I get nervous. Cats sense this and it only makes them more likely to approach me, which is why I try to avoid cats altogether.

5.) As anyone who knows me will tell you, I have a near-photographic memory, and that freaks out a lot of people. I can remember the most mundane of details about the most mundane of moments, which is as much a curse as it is a blessing. If I could somehow make money with this "gift", I would.

6.) I am not a morning person, and that is putting it lightly. I set the alarm on my computer, as well as the alarm on my cell phone AND my actual alarm clock. If I'm sleeping alone, it takes a village to wake me up.

7.) When I lived in NYC, my apartment got broken into and everything I had of value was stolen; professional camera equipment, jewelry and some cash I had on-hand because I was leaving for vacation 2 days later. To make a long story short, I ended up catching the people who did it the very day I returned from my trip, and managed to bring down an entire crime ring that was wanted by the FBI on multiple charges (it's actually a really good story, I'll have to write more on that someday). 

Several years later, after I moved to Chicago, someone backed into my car causing substantial damage (it was not even drivable) and failed to leave a note with their personal information. This infuriated me more than the actual damage to the car (though that WAS infuriating!) because it's a crappy thing to do. That night, we got a tip on who might have been the culprit and around what time the commotion was heard, so early the next morning I had my camera and zoom lens all set up, and not only took photos of the driver sneaking around my car to see what the damage was, but got her license plate as well, surprising the investigator assigned to my case so much that after he heard the additional story of my previous crime ring bust, he asked if I wanted a job (which I turned down). The moral of this story is: Don't f**k with me or my stuff.