In 4 easy steps:
1) I read just enough media coverage of her marriage contract and subsequent divorce/visitation rules that were allegedly put in place to keep her world from spinning 'round the wrong way.
Doing so has seemingly shrunken my capacity for catering to bullsh*t (which as you probably guessed isn't sizable to begin with) down to the size of a peanut. Coincidentally, she prefers her men's juevos to be peanut-sized as well.
2) I watched the following video of Madonna on stage performing Human Nature, which consists mostly of her singing, "...and I'm not sorry, it's human nature. I'm not your b*tch, don't hang your sh*t on me", until Britney Spears joins her on stage and Madonna adds, "I'M NOT YOUR B*TCH... SHE'S NOT YOUR B*TCH!".
I was hoping Madonna would then point at Britney and say, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!", but it was not to be.
I really have always liked this song, though.
3) Human Nature played on an endless loop in my head for about 16 hours yesterday. I was working hard on a photo shoot, so it was awkward when I'd sing just loud enough for my clients to hear me say something about not being their b*tch.
4) After all of the above, last night Madonna & I met for drinks (in a dream), where I sat her down to say this in an extremely firm tone:
"We can agree on this: You're not MY b*tch, but you ARE a b*tch."
Then, I left her there, alone at the bar. She was no doubt berating herself for failing to have had me sign a friendship contract.
5 comments:
This isn't a song I'm familiar with...looks like I'm going to have to start singing this one soon.
Can you imagine singing "I'm not your bitch" as the doctors office?
I think I'm going to copy Madonna's "rules for visitation" and send them to Eric. He should be OK with that, right?!? ;)
@Melissa: You might know it, it's from her 1994 Bedtime Stories album. The original video is HERE. I really do like that song... and yes, I can imagine singing that at the doctor's office. DO IT! But, maybe after treatment?!? haha. Like she says in the song, express yourself, don't repress yourself.
@Troop Jen: Oh yeah, I'm sure E wouldn't have ANY problem with that at all, because he's been so compliant about everything else over the past 11 years. Heh.
I was never a big Madonna fan. Once a star decides they can go by a single word or name, I ignore them and usually hate them. Case in point: I know this will shake the foundations of the world... Oprah. She makes me want to vomit.
Except The Artist Formerly Known as Prince. He writes some good shiz.
@Spammon: Maybe I'll tell Oprah she's a b*tch in my next dream, you never know. Still, I'd like tickets to her "Favorite Things" show. I couldn't agree more on Prince, I'm a huge fan. See my I could drink a case of you link in the "HOJ's Greatest Hits!" sidebar.
Post a Comment