In which Axl Rose is Bill Cosby and Dr. Pepper is Sandman Simms

I'm a pepper, she's a pepper, he's...an old rock star named Axl. You remember him, right?

One of the greatest days over the summer was when a Chicago radio station played Appetite for Destruction and Use Your Illusion I & II in their entireties, and I still knew every song by heart. I'm not sure my bosses were impressed, but it sure made for a fun workday. Nothing quite like singing along under my breath to "You're Crazy" with a client standing by your desk.

When GNR was first blowing up, my friends & I loved them so much that we created a girl group called Revolvers n' Pansies that went on to win (by a landslide, for reals) the school talent show by lip-syncing to Welcome to the Jungle and Paradise City. I had long-ish hair and a huge perm back then, so I flipped all my hair over my face and put a big black top hat on over it, which in instantly made me Slash with a rack.

I'd share a photo of that night with you, but the only one I have is in the yearbook, and someone was thoughtful enough--while off in a darkened corner somewhere-- to draw a big fat joint coming out of my mouth with a few squiggly lines made to look like smoke. I'm pretty sure it was the same guy (whose name I won't mention because I'm a lady... stop laughing!) that decided to draw happy little sperm (should that have an 's' on the end, or is sperm already plural? It is, right? Oh, please don't let my parents or any of their friends read this entry; their daughter is too lazy to google the word sperm and confirm her suspicion that it doesn't need an 's' on the end. A shining moment!) all around the edges of the football team photo page. For the record, I never once made out with that guy. Ahhh, high school. Good times!

The other thing about the photo is that I blinked when the photographer's flash went off, so it's not that great. Now that I really think about it though, the closed eyes and big smile lends some credibility to the hand-drawn giggle stick hanging from my lips. I digress.

Where was I? Oh yes, GNR. So, after eleventy-hundred rumors and one-too-many face tugs, Axl Rose is releasing his 13-year in the works album, Chinese Democracy. Of course it has been a joke throughout all these years, with announcements on the regular that it would come out soon... very soon! Okay, not that soon. A little bit longer. Maybe a handful of years. Alright then, a decade has gone by, what's the rush?

Earlier this year, Dr. Pepper issued a challenge (chall-LUNGE!) to Axl & company. If GNR released the album before 2009, the soda conglomerate would give everyone in America one free Dr. Pepper.


Bill Cosby & Sandman Simms; the greatest CHALL-UNGE in pop culture history.


Turns out ole' Axl still has enough energy to stick it to the man, and tomorrow is the big album release day! Whether or not you're going to buy it, you can still get a free Dr. Pepper. They'll even give you one without drawing obscene pictures all over your face while you're not looking. As far as I'm concerned, it's your lucky day, but you only have 24 hours. It's a CHALL-UNGE! Axl was up for it, are you?

I highly recommend drinking your free Dr. Pepper with an Extraordinary Nutsnack.

Dr. Pepper is ready to give out free soda coupons to every American when the album releases on Nov. 23, 2008. If you're out to get a free Dr Pepper just follow these simple steps:

1. On the Nov. 23, 2008 release date, go to Dr. Pepper's official website.

2. Register your information to receive a coupon for one free 20-oz. Dr Pepper.

3. When your coupon arrives, redeem it wherever Dr. Pepper is sold.

Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person. Full terms and conditions available at www.drpepper.com!

You're welcome.