Ernő Rubik, you are delicious!

I kept telling my sister that I was going to make her the Lionel Richie bust from his "Hello" video in cake form for her birthday:


I was joking, of course, because I'm less Ace of Cakes and more Ace of Base.

I did make her an unassuming looking cake from the outside with an 80's surprise on the inside, though. Seeing her face when she cut into it and realized that it was a Rubik's Cube was really fun!







Happy birthday, Missy!

****

By the time you read this, I'll already be there.

In 2008, I went with some BFFs on an annual October trip to Key West, Florida. You can read about that and my childhood (and continuing) love for a Bertie Higgins song by clicking HERE.

We had plans to do many things on the trip, meeting up with Irish Peter being at the top of the list. (In 2007, the girls made fast friends with Irish Peter--a nickname they bestowed upon him because his name is Peter and he is, in fact, Irish. He is also funny, charming, hot, a good time, has an accent and did I mention that he's hot?--who at the time was working as the bartender on the booze cruise they were boozin' it up on.) We went to a bar he was working at and all of the boxes on the list of reasons men make my heart race were checked off. We had a great time, and at some point in the night we were in the parking lot behind the bar so he could record my outgoing voicemail greeting. This greeting has confused and possibly irritated every straight guy who has ever called me, because the combination of Irish Peter's accent and the speed at which he's talking makes it difficult for people to understand. Every female and gay guy who has ever called me has given it RAVE reviews, though. They usually say that they can't understand a thing he says but the accent makes it sexy anyway. You should give it a listen:

My outgoing voicemail greeting: Irish Peter by HouseofJules

"How's it goin'? Jules isn't here right now; she's out in Key West picking some spuds and lookin' for me Lucky Charms. If you can leave a message, she'll be glad to get back to you as soon as she can. I'll be talkin' to ya and have a wonderful day!"


Friends have called me multiple times in a day just to hear that voicemail greeting.


I wasn't able to go on the trip with the girls this year, but my BFF Jen let Irish Peter use her phone because he was missing me (duh) and he also wanted to hear himself as my voicemail greeting. I had to switch it out for a generic greeting recently because I'm looking for a new job and don't want potential employers to hear him and assume they've gotten the wrong number! The message he left me is one for the books:

He REALLY is a gift by HouseofJules

"Jules, I'm kinda sad. I was expecting to hear myself in your phone! We're calling you here from Key West; you might recognize my voice! Happy birthday! Apparently, we have your birthday present here. I'm wrapped up in a bow; you've gotta come down and get me..."

(It's so funny hearing my girls "Oh my God!"-ing as he hands Jen's phone back to her. So. Funny.)

I made the mistake of listening to that message at work, and then I listened to it again. And again (and again). Wrapped in a bow? Come down and get you? YES, PLEASE.


Then, I switched from the generic outgoing greeting I was using to the one he recorded with me, just so he could call back and hear it. This is his reaction:

Rosetta Stone by HouseofJules

"You need to put subtitles on your message, 'cause I can't even understand that and I actually said it! I need to get Rosetta Stone and get my english a little better there. I'm having technical difficulties! Thanks for putting it back on, you're the best!"


Funny, charming, hot, a good time, hot, has an accent, is wrapped in a bow for my birthday and all I have to do is go get him? Twist my arm.

Happy birthday to me, indeed.

****

Hell, I still love you New York

If you were looking at a CT scan of my heart, this is what you'd see:


Photo ©HouseofJules


On a sunny afternoon at the beginning of summer in the mid-90's, alone (in the sense of being by yourself in a place with 7 million other people, which is possibly more alone than you could ever imagine), but excited after having relocated to the place in which I wanted to live ever since I was a kid; fresh off the train in the underground part of Penn Station, doing a trial run to see how long it would take me to get from my new apartment to my new job in my new city. I had a map in my back pocket and knew the address of the graphic design firm I was to start working at the following week, but had no idea how to get myself from where I was to where I needed to be.

All the anticipatory stress I felt about that had been weighing heavily on my mind since I'd unpacked the week before--if not for the entirety of the 6 months I worked after college just to save up for my big move to my new apartment in my new city-- faded away like white noise in the background as I rode one of the escalators up from lower earth to the sidewalk, and the gigantic skyscrapers on 34th street were revealed to me at a slow-boat-to-China rate of speed; my line of vision directed first at their massive entryways, and going up, up, up, and up, trying to take in all the floors of the buildings and the realization of how small I was in comparison, as I was lifted towards street-level.

It was forced acclimation through sensory overload.

I was able to be still, standing on the right side of those electric stairs, while moving upward and gaping at the buildings, smelling the food being cooked at street carts, hearing the roar of traffic and horns, people hustling and bustling; while my heart was thumping louder than ever, welcoming me home. Finally.

Some people leave their hearts in San Francisco. Even before I actually lived there, mine resided in New York.

If you were listening to my heartbeat through a stethoscope, this song is what you'd hear:

Ryan Adams. New York, New York
Well, I shuffled through the city on the 4th of July
I had a firecracker waiting to blow
Breakin' like a rocket who was makin' its way
To the cities of Mexico
Lived in an apartment out on Avenue A
I had a tar-hut on the corner of 10th
Had myself a lover who was finer than gold
But I've broken up and busted up since

And love don't play any games with me
Anymore like she did before
The world won't wait, so I better shake
That thing right out there through the door
Hell, I still love you, New York

Found myself a picture that would fit in the folds
Of my wallet and it stayed pretty good
Still amazed I didn't lose it on the roof of the place
When I was drunk and I was thinking of you
Every day the children they were singing their tune
Out on the streets and you could hear from inside
Used to take the subway up to Houston and 3rd
I would wait for you and I'd try to hide

And love won't play any games with you
Anymore if you don't want it to
The world won't wait and I watched you shake
But honey, I don't blame you
Hell, I still love you, New York
New York

I remember Christmas in the blistering cold
In a church on the upper west side
Babe, I stood there singing, I was holding your arm
You were holding my trust like a child
Found a lot of trouble out on Avenue B
But I tried to keep the overhead low
Farewell to the city and the love of my life
At least we left before we had to go

And love won't play any games with you
Anymore if you don't want 'em to
So we better shake this old thing out the door

I'll always be thinkin' of you
I'll always love you though New York
I'll always love you though New York, New York, New York

-

Luckily, I made some g r e a t friends there who give me an excuse, if I need one, to visit my heart at least once a year.

****

Putting the Hump in Humpday: Yiddish Edish

Ryan Gosling is everything*. Need I say more? I think not.

But, I will anyway.

You either very much agree with me that he is everything or you don't**. I'm not going to sit here and try to sell you on Ryan Gosling. In his latest movie, "Crazy, Stupid, Love" (or as I call it, "Crazy, Stupid, Hot Ass Love"), he uses a certain Yiddish word several times. Each time, it sounds natural, as if it's part of his everyday vocabulary. He totally pulls it off. You can trust me on this because I've seen the movie twice already (and I did it FOR MY COUNTRY***).

Related:





*Not EVERYTHING-everything. Just everything. You know what I'm saying.

**Admittedly, Ryan Gosling isn't for everyone:

***Please, please click that hotlink. You won't be sorry.

To read previous Putting the Hump in Humpday posts, click HERE. Do it for your country.

Here's the "Crazy, Stupid, Hot Ass Love" trailer in case you've been living under a rock:


****

Gentlemen, to bed!

I love anyone who can make me laugh my face off, and Steve Coogan is one of those people. If you don't know who Steve Coogan is, but you enjoy British humor, you should get busy acquainting yourself with everything he's ever done. He's currently making the rounds doing interviews for The Trip, his film with Rob Brydon made from their improvised BBC show of the same name, starring fictionalized versions of themselves.

Here is a brief description from the wiki page:

"In an effort to impress his gourmand American girlfriend, Misha, Steve Coogan has accepted a commission from The Observer newspaper to go on a restaurant tour of the north of England. However, when Misha (who was meant to accompany him on the trip) insists that they take a break from their relationship and returns to America, Steve is forced to invite colleague and friend-of-sorts Rob Brydon.
Throughout the series the two constantly bicker and attempt to undermine and outdo each other, especially in the presence of any attractive women they encounter. Steve has a number of one-night stands but is increasingly revealed to be in a rut both professionally and personally: at one point – as Steve gets stuck attempting to cross a river using a series of stepping stones – Rob shouts out to him, "You're stuck in a metaphor!"
The competitive atmosphere between the two is occasionally broken by passages of amicable and spontaneous comic improvisation, with each riffing off the other's ideas."

I tweeted this after hearing Steve interviewed on NPR:


I was at work when this interview aired, so it was both incredible and awful to laugh like that at my desk, especially since the main part of our office is open-plan. I literally started sweating from laughing so hard. Imagine my delight and surprise when I found the exact clip on YouTube. Thanks, internet! Now I can share it with you here! Watch this immediately:

"They always say something like, Gentlemen, to bed! For we leave at first light. Tomorrow we battle and we may lose our lives. But remember, death is but a moment. Cowardice is a lifetime of affliction. To bed, for we rise at daybreak! They always leave at daybreak. They never leave at, you know, 9:30. Gentlemen, to bed! For we leave at 9:30. Ish. Gentlemen, to bed, for we rise at...what time is the battle? Around 12 o'clock? 12 o'clock, on horseback? About 3 hours? So, we leave about 8? 8:30? Gentlemen, to bed! For we leave at 8:30, for 9. And we rise at...just after daybreak...7:30. Gentlemen, to bed! For we leave at 9:30 ON THE DOT. ON THE DOT. To bed! Tomorrow, we rise, we leave at 10-ish. But now, to bed. Unless, you are one of those people, like me, who finds it very hard to get off after he's eaten cheese. In which case, stay awhile by the fire! Talk of battles past and old. And then, and only then sire, go thee to bed, and sleep well. Sleep the sleep of 1,000 martyrs. Sleep well, my brother. Sleep well, my brother. Sleep well, my sister. But please, do not sleep with my sister. Leave my sister out of it, alright? Leave my sister alone. Don't touch her! Gentlemen, to bed! For at daybreak, we will breakfast. Sire, 'tis a continental breakfast. It will only take 20 minutes max...."

I mean, I can't even breathe because I'm laughing too hard and I've watched this clip 10 times in the past 2 days. Love. Since I've never seen the show and didn't even KNOW it was a show until Josh informed me (thanks, Wilty!), I'm counting the minutes until I see this movie.

Here's the official trailer:

When they have the Michael Caine impression-off, I cry laughing. When Coogan does his Alan Partridge "Ah haaaa!", I die. If you like Brit humor, but have never seen his Alan Partridge series, get on it.
****

To let him go, wherever he needs to go

...but not spend spend the rest of my life waiting for his lips to return.



"I wish the answers were in a relationship book. I wish reading that book would be all that I needed."
****

Psssst!

Until I get back in the swing of full-form blogging, you can read what I've been writing at my secret spot by clicking HERE. There's already 50-something posts over there! You didn't want to get any work done today anyway, right?

****

Open up your heart and I'll set you free

In 1990, my dad handed down his beloved land yacht, otherwise known as the Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight (which he'd purchased brand new in 1981). It was my junior year of high school and I had a busy schedule between school, work, and soccer. The first thing I did was to replace the 8-track stereo with a cassette player, thankyouverymuch. Other than that, the car was perfect. It had plenty of room for all of my friends, rode like a dream and once you learn to parallel park a 1981 Olds Ninety-Eight, you can parallel park ANYTHING. I swear, that thing was longer than a limousine (that's what she said).

I even had personalized plates that I've kept to this day, though they're in a box, not on my current car. I will save that story for another time because if you don't know me personally, it's kind of embarrassing, if points of pride can be embarrassing. Especially since my dad suggested it. Next time you buy me drinks, I'll tell you the story, okay? We'll make it a win-win situation.

Anyway, I must show you a couple of random pictures I found through a quick online search so you can really understand my love for this beauty:


My Olds had 4 doors so it was even LONGER than the one pictured, but you get the idea.


The interior was plush, baby. I'm talking, nicer than some of the furniture we all grew up with. Check it:


Awww yeah...

This car was built for loud music, and I took full advantage of that new cassette-playing stereo. I've always had a broad spectrum of musical taste, but for about 2 months during the summer after graduation, I played this tape non-stop:


Color Me Badd's "C.M.B.", a 1991 musical opus.

I have a steel trap memory for just about everything in my life, including things people have told me about themselves. The tiniest of details get stuck in my brain and it's fun to freak out friends by pulling some fun fact out that they don't even remember telling anybody. It's also good for blackmail and song lyrics. So, to this day I still remember every word of the songs on that C.M.B. tape. Of course I have it on my iTunes, so they still pop up on shuffle and always make me smile.

This time of year, there are a lot of holiday parties which many times have karaoke. If Color Me Badd songs are available, that is what I'll pick. Every time. Specifically, my personal favorite: "I Wanna Sex You Up". Frankly, I don't even need the karaoke excuse. My friends (especially Jenny) can vouch for the fact that I've often broken into this song during approximately 12,784 of our phone conversations.




Related: One of my Facebook statuses from last September, with my boo Will chiming in:


Truth.


All I'm saying is, you've been warned:






Click HERE to follow me on Twitter, fool!

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You'll never get the paw prints out of the hen house now

...aaaaand THIS is why OK Go & dogs will always win over anything & cats.



White Knuckles
You'll never get that taste, out of your mouth
You'll never get the paw prints, out of the hen house now
And you can't go back, same way you came
Round all the pieces up, but they just dont fit the same

White knuckles
Maybe it's not so bad
So let your hair down now

White knuckles
Yeah, maybe it's not so bad
Aww, go ahead and let it down

So come and let it all out, let it bleed
Did you get what you want? Did you get what you need?
Behind the lines, behind the wall
Tell me what's the bet you made, was it that bad after all?

White knuckles
Yeah, maybe it's not so bad
So let your hair down now

White knuckles
Aww, maybe it's not so bad
Just let it all come down now

So just have fun, it's far enough
Everybody needs to sleep at night, everybody needs a crutch
But couldn't good, be good enough?
Cause nothin' ever doesn't change but nothin' changes much

Yeah, maybe it's not so bad
So let your hair down now

White knuckles
Aww, maybe it's not so bad
Just let it all come down now


More OK Go awesomeness HERE.

****

Hell, I still love you New York

If you were looking at a CT scan of my heart, this is what you'd see:


Photo ©HouseofJules


On a sunny afternoon at the beginning of summer in the mid-90's, alone (in the sense of being by yourself in a place with 7 million other people, which is possibly more alone than you could ever imagine), but excited after having relocated to the place in which I wanted to live ever since I was a kid; fresh off the train in the underground part of Penn Station, doing a trial run to see how long it would take me to get from my new apartment to my new job in my new city. I had a map in my back pocket and knew the address of the graphic design firm I was to start working at the following week, but literally had no idea how to get myself from where I was to where I needed to be.

All the anticipatory stress I felt about that had been weighing heavily on my mind since I'd unpacked the week before--if not for the entirety of the 6 months I worked after college just to save up for my big move to my new apartment in my new city-- faded away like white noise in the background as I rode one of the escalators up from lower earth to the sidewalk, and the gigantic skyscrapers on 34th street were revealed to me at a slow-boat-to-China rate of speed; my line of vision directed first at their massive entryways, and going up, up, up, and up, trying to take in all the floors of the buildings and the realization of how small I was in comparison, as I was lifted towards street-level. It was a kind of forced-acclimation through sensory overload.

I was able to be still, standing on the right side of those electric stairs, while moving upward and gaping at the buildings, smelling the food being cooked at street carts, hearing the roar of traffic and horns, people hustling and bustling; while my heart was thumping louder than ever, welcoming me home. Finally.

Some people leave their hearts in San Francisco. Even before I actually lived there, mine resided in New York.

If you were listening to my heartbeat through a stethoscope, this song is what you'd hear:

Ryan Adams. New York, New York
Well, I shuffled through the city on the 4th of July
I had a firecracker waiting to blow
Breakin' like a rocket who was makin' its way
To the cities of Mexico
Lived in an apartment out on Avenue A
I had a tar-hut on the corner of 10th
Had myself a lover who was finer than gold
But I've broken up and busted up since

And love don't play any games with me
Anymore like she did before
The world won't wait, so I better shake
That thing right out there through the door
Hell, I still love you, New York

Found myself a picture that would fit in the folds
Of my wallet and it stayed pretty good
Still amazed I didn't lose it on the roof of the place
When I was drunk and I was thinking of you
Every day the children they were singing their tune
Out on the streets and you could hear from inside
Used to take the subway up to Houston and 3rd
I would wait for you and I'd try to hide

And love won't play any games with you
Anymore if you don't want it to
The world won't wait and I watched you shake
But honey, I don't blame you
Hell, I still love you, New York
New York

I remember Christmas in the blistering cold
In a church on the upper west side
Babe, I stood there singing, I was holding your arm
You were holding my trust like a child
Found a lot of trouble out on Avenue B
But I tried to keep the overhead low
Farewell to the city and the love of my life
At least we left before we had to go

And love won't play any games with you
Anymore if you don't want 'em to
So we better shake this old thing out the door

I'll always be thinkin' of you
I'll always love you though New York
I'll always love you though New York, New York, New York

-

Luckily, I made some g r e a t friends there who give me an excuse, if I need one, to visit my heart at least once a year.

****

The Doctor Is In!

Late last night, I found out about Swatch's "Dr. Swatch" promotion:

Visit your local Swatch store for a complimentary Swatch checkup from the Swatch Docs.
During the Dr. Swatch event at Swatch, the Swatch Docs will perform:
Free battery changes • Free strap adjustments • Free buffing

I have an original red POP Swatch (that I bought with my own money thankyouverymuch and another regular Swatch from '89. It still smells like my high school boyfriend's cologne, which sounds weirder than it actually is. When we started dating, I wore his football jacket, his class ring AND HIS SWATCH WATCH. When we broke up, I gave back the first 2 and kept the watch. Oh yes, I did. I knew what time it was, if you know what I'm saying & I think you do.

I've had these Swatches tucked away in the place I have all of my other watches & jewelry (which there isn't much left of after an apartment break-in 10 years ago out east, which is another story for another day) and haven't taken them out of their little boxes in EONS. That is, not until very late last night, as I was squealing with excitement. I've wanted to revive my POP Swatch for awhile, but always found a better use for the $15 battery cost.

My procrastination in this case is paying off! Free batteries, free band adjustments & free buffing! Heading out the door now. I'll post an update with pictures later!

Today is the last day for this promotion, so if you have Swatches tucked away somewhere, break those mothereffers out and take them to Dr. Swatch!

****

These guys sure like ice cream!

Don't miss the xylophone cameo!

"Relax when you see me, check it when you see me. I'm chillin' with an iced tea, watermelon icees." {wink}

I'm not gonna lie; I watched this 3 times... but that was only because I really like xylophones*.

*What?! I'm VERY MUCH musically-inclined.

****

"You know that thing we've been working on for awhile now?"

Have you seen this totally predictable iPhone commercial?



Ugh, gag. Two seconds into the first time I saw it, I knew what she was calling him about. I held my breath until the end, though... thinking about how clever it would be if she wasn't calling to tell him she's pregnant, but because she finished the World's Most Difficult Jigsaw Puzzle.



Apple needs to start consulting me on their advertising campaigns. Advertising, design, marketing. It's what I do*.



*I work hard for the money, so hard for you honey.

****

Putting the Hump in Humpday: Here's to Javier Bardem's body of work; and well, his body.

Late last night one of my friends emailed me a link with the message, "I'm so sorry to break this to you!" I gulped and then clicked on the link, which was the news that (one of) my lovah(s), Javier Bardem, married Penelope Cruz. As soon as I read the headline, I actually said, "OH NOOOOOOOOO!" out loud. I really did. Obviously, Javier has been a victim of poor timing. Had he met ME first, Penelope wouldn't even be a blip on his radar. Ah, such is life. Poor Javi.

Somewhere in my drafts is not-yet-published post on the night I saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona. That will be a post for another day; it's taken me awhile to recover. SO. HOT.

A few days ago, I read that he'll be guest-starring on Glee next season. This was hilarious to all of my "Gleek" friends because I told them at the end of last season that Glee was dead to me unless, say, someone like Javier was on the show. I never actually thought he'd be on there, but there you go. Put something out into the universe & it can happen, it really can.

In light of the recent Bardem news, I thought it was a great time to bring back this post... especially because today is Wednesday. Enjoy! I do. ;)

.....

There's only one man who could get away with saying, "Usted va me deja tener mi manera con usted porque soy el hombre más caliente vivo." (You're going to let me have my way with you because I'm the hottest man alive), and that man is Javier Bardem. He's never said that to me, but only because it goes without saying. Because it's only delaying the inevitable so let's just get to it, shall we? The humpday post, I mean.

In 2004, I saw the movie "Mar Adentro" (The Sea Inside); based on the real-life story of Ramón Sampedro, a Spanish ship mechanic left quadriplegic after a diving accident, who fought a 28-year campaign in support of euthanasia and his right to end his own life. I fell for Javier Bardem immediately because of his stellar performance in this movie. Yes, it was his ACTING that got me. Seriously. No, really. This is proven by the fact that for most of the movie he looked like this:


Javier Bardem as Ramón Sampedro. An old man with kind eyes, totally huggable in that sweater; but definitely not sexy.


I was captivated by him right away, and made a mental note to rent some of his other films. I thought, "He's old so he must have a ton of movies under his belt". Keep in mind that this was 2004, before everyone on the planet knew him by name, or by face for that matter. When the flashback scene of the diving accident came on, showing what Javier Bardem REALLY looked like (and what was supposed to be Sampedro's character as a young man), I just about lost my mind. You crazy film industry makeup departments! You tricked me! This man is actually smokin' hot in real life, and for about 5 minutes in this movie they let him show it:


Since I couldn't find the diving scene on YouTube, I opted for this shot from the movie's official website. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some screen licking to do. HEY-OHHH!


That was how my Javier fixation appreciation began. A few months ago, I finally decided to watch every JB movie I hadn't already seen. I looked up his "resume", which to my delight reads mostly like details from a steamy novel:


Click to enlarge. As you can see by the numbers, I cut out the films that didn't fit in with the sexy theme (for illustrative purposes only. I did WATCH the movies that were without sexy titles in addition to these!) They're all a pretty stunning testament to "taking your work home with you". Rather, taking HIS work home with ME. The only one of this list I haven't seen yet (because Netflix doesn't have it) is "Jamon, Jamon", which directly translated is "Ham, Ham". Judging by the 18 & over trailer I found on YouTube, it might as well be called "Pork, Pork". No joke. I won't link to it here but do the search on YouTube and find out for yourself. Also no joke? Me, seeing that movie, even if I have to buy it.


One of my photography teachers adopted a saying that has stuck with me since college: "When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt". I have been delaying this Hump of the Month post not only so I could watch as many Javier Bardem movies as possible (you know, for research purposes; I'm nothing if not thorough!) but also because I wanted it to be all-encompassing. I wanted it to do Javier's superb "body of work" equally as much justice as I wanted to "do justice" to his "superb body"; if you know what I'm sayin' and I think you do.

In addition, I wanted this to be informative, not a fluff piece meant only for people to drool all over their keyboards while staring at photos like this one:


I would roll around in hot cigar ashes with him anytime.


At one point I even told a friend that I wanted to do a synopsis and review of all 20 JB movies I've seen, but I'm pretty sure I made that insane declaration in the middle of watching his thriller, Between Your Legs; and by the end of that movie--with it's jaw-droppingly shocking twist-- I realized that I was a FOOL to think I could easily sum up the complexity that is Javier and his chameleon-like acting. My summation for each of his movies, without going into great detail, would sound something like this: "He blows away the competition, you should definitely see everything he's ever been in. While you're doing that, I'm going to be over here licking my TV. Look away, look away I tell you!"; and that's just not helpful to anybody. Since his work speaks for itself, who am I to interrupt?


He deserved winning the Oscar for his performance in No Country for Old Men. Don't watch it at 7a.m. on a lazy Saturday like I did, though. It's a little too early in the day for that kind of murderous rampaging.


It has been really interesting to see his movies in order of their release date; to confirm that he is a really great actor and not just a pretty face with a hot body and an intoxicating accent to boot (universe, if you're listening, please send him to my doorstep ASAP). He has done such a variety of work and really commits to his character that it was never boring. Even if it had been boring, his looks would save him; but he never has to rely on that. There's just not a downside to watching the work of someone who qualifies as The Hump of the Month, trust me.

Some of you aren't big on the subtitles thing, and to that I say, SCREW THE SUBTITLES, HE'S HOT, WATCH HIM ANYWAY he is in plenty of english-language movies, so check those out.


UGH, her again? She needs to back off of my man before I unleash the motherf**king moonwalk!


If you have a new-favorite-actor based on only seeing a few of their movies, I highly recommend immersing yourself in their work. Start at the beginning, see their evolution, watch their growth through experience. In the meantime, there's always April's Hump of the Month to enjoy, Javier Bardem. I plan to enjoy him for a LONG time.

Click HERE to watch The Sea Inside's trailer, featuring the diving scene that made me realize that Javier Bardem wasn't really an old man in a huggable sweater as the rest of the movie would suggest.

In all seriousness, this movie is in my top 10 favorites of all time; and this man is in my top 3 favorite humps of all time. He might even be Numero Uno, but don't tell Jeremy.


Red and purple are my favorite colors, he'd look PERFECT in my bedroom.

To read previous Putting the Hump in Humpday posts, click HERE.

To read everything I've ever written (publicly, anyway!) about Javier Bardem, click HERE.

Smoker or not, you may need a cigarette after.


****

In the blink of an eye

Oh, boy... err, man!

THIS DUDE is 18 today. EIGHTEEN.

I can't even put into words how stellar it is to have him & his brother in my life... so I won't even try.

I've been photographing him since the minute he was born (literally) and yet, I don't know where the time went.





Happy birthday to you, Sparks! Your presence is truly a gift to ME (and everyone around you). You have made my life infinitely better, just by being in it.


****

The Sad Vuvuzela (#SadVuvuzela) is now "a thing"!

On Monday, I wondered to myself (and to anyone following me on Twitter):


You know, like the sad trombone. Wah-waaaaaah!


I didn't find anything online, but I kept it going on Twitter whenever it was appropriate:




Not quite a "sad" vuvuzela reference, but a fun one all the same.


Then, today I had to go to the place I bought my tires earlier this year because I had a flat that needed repairing. I sent out this tweet:




...and then these back & forth tweets between @JWiltshire & I:








So, your wish is my command:

The Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela IS A THING! OUTSIDE OF TWITTER! AT YOUR DISPOSAL!

Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela

See what happens when you follow me on Twitter? I can make your wishes come true*!

Click HERE to follow me if you aren't already!



*Sometimes


sound source
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Fiesta, forever!

Lionel Richie wrote a song about occasions like this: Today is my boo Will's birthday!

Please read my previous birthday post to him HERE so you can get a feel for his awesomeness! It'll open in another window so you can come right back to this afterward. Seriously, go read it. DO IT.

He's great, right? Of course he is. The guy TOTALLY gets me & I couldn't adore him more.

Last weekend I went to another friend's wedding and put up a Facebook status letting everyone know what I was up to at the reception. There were a handful of funny responses, but his got right to the heart of the matter:


My status update on one of the greatest songs* of all time, and Will's response.

Love him! I know he would've been right there with me, heckling the band. The two of us could've wrestled the microphone away from the singer & performed the song as a duet. We could easily entertain a crowd. How many times can bands play, "From This Moment"? C'mon, wedding bands! Spice that shit up and take some unorthodox requests.

Back to Will: He's currently in D.C. getting his education on (now I'm just typing stuff in to crack MYSELF up), and you can read my post about that HERE. Don't miss it because your life will get exponentially better after seeing the picture of him ON A DING DONG, also known as my favorite photo OF ALL TIME! No joke. Click to read now & thank me later.

Now that you know enough about him to fully enjoy the rest of this post--and there will be a test at the end so don't cheat or everyone will know--I'll bring you up to a couple of months ago, when I wanted to sent him a surprise package full of things to help him survive all that studying** he's doing at the library.

I bought a bunch of small items, including:

• Highlighters
• Post-It notes
• Fun writing pens
• Notation clips for his textbooks
• Mini Chicago playing cards
• Snacks (nutsnacks, etc... HA!)
• Lots of candy
• Little plastic toys like whistles & kazoos
• Magnets (1 from a roadtrip to Tennessee and one with a skull & banner that says, "A Pirate's Life" just because whenever I thought about it being on his fridge, I'd literally laugh out loud)
• Party poppers (those bottle-popping confetti things)
• A shot glass

...and most importantly:

• Assorted mini-liquor bottles
• Tylenol

The pile of goodness all laid out:

Then, I shoved it ALL in this piñata and shipped it off:

It was so much fun putting this together for him, and he loved it. He was even going to keep the donkey around & give it a name. Now, THAT'S love.

Happy birthday, Will! You're the best!

*Unskinny Bop's totally-appropriate-for-a-wedding-reception video & lyrics:


My favorite line: "Like gasoline you wanna pump me". Pure poetry, baby.

Unskinny Bop by Poison
What's got you so jumpy? Why can't you sit still, yeah?
Like gasoline you wanna pump me
And leave me when you get your fill, yeah

Every time I touch you honey you get hot
I want to make love you never stop
Come up for air you push me to the floor
What's been going on in that head of yours?

(chorus)
Unskinny bop, just blows me away
Unskinny bop bop. All night and day
Unskinny bop bop bop bop, She just loves to play
Unskinny bop , nothin' more to say

You look at me so funny
Love bite go you acting oh so strange
You got too many bees in your honey
Am I just another word in your page, yeah, yeah

(chorus)

You're sayin' my love won't do ya, but that ain't love written on your face
Well honey I can see right through ya
We'll see whose ridin' who at the end of the race

What's right? What's wrong? What's left?
What the hell is going on?


**Not a euphemism, but it totally should be

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Truths in Word Verification

This is what we called some* of the cheerleaders in high school:

What?! In some places**, it'd be considered a term of endearment!



*Which means, NOT ALL.
**Places like, maybe, HERE?


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Winnebago Man

I'm not just a movie junkie, I'm also a documentary freak. I think the idea of documentaries makes some people turn up their noses because they equate it with SNOOZEFEST. I always say that if you like reality TV, you'll probably like documentaries. Sure, some are better or more interesting than others, but I can honestly say I've never seen one that I didn't like or learn something from.

I've known about Jack Rebney for a couple of years, after seeing one of the videos of his Winnebago commercial bloopers on YouTube. They are absolute tear-jerkers. You will laugh until you cry, which is one of the greatest things to do with your time. Or, rather, with mine.

Imagine my delight when I heard someone made a documentary about him!

The dude swears like a trucker, so if you have sensitivities about that, don't bother watching this trailer.

"I don't want any more bullshit from anyone, that includes me!"

Oh, it's glorious, isn't it?

I'm counting the days until July 9th.

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Going Postal

I love the people who work at my local post office. I really do. I mean, I love them, but I'm not IN LOVE with them. You get what I'm saying. The guys who work at the counter know me by name, which is quite endearing, and also helpful when there's a long line. They know that if I need to mail anything or buy stamps, I'll use the machine in the lobby, so if I'm in line it means I need to pick something up. After seeing me, and in between customers, they dip in the back to get the package, nod in my direction and hand it off to me, without saying anything besides, "Hi Julie! Here you go!"

It's pretty bad ass.

Once I had a huge box to mail and the machine wasn't working. Luckily, it wasn't busy that day so my friend & I were up to the counter in no time. My favorite counter guy greets me by name and we all chat as he's getting the box ready to ship for me. I ask about his grandkids and he asks me about my travels. As my friend & I walk back to my car, I said, "Isn't he the best? THAT'S how I like my postal workers!" and she replied, "Are you kidding? That's how I like my EVERYBODY!"

Such a good point. She's right. That's how I like my everybody, too.


Cut to today. I get one of those orange slips in my mailbox, telling me that there's a box for me at the post office. I see the mailman walking down the sidewalk delivering more mail. His truck is parked near my car, so I decide to wait outside for a few minutes to see if I can just get the box from him before he leaves with it.

On his way back, I see that it's not my regular postal delivery guy. He still greets me with a super-friendly smile & I hold up my orange slip, asking if it'd be ok to just give me the package or if I'd have to wait until the next day to pick it up at the post office.

As he opens the back of his truck to get it for me, this is how the conversation went (with a man I've never met before):

Postman: "You like eating hibachi?"

Me (not knowing where he's going with that question):"Uh, sure. Who DOESN'T like hibachi?"

Postman: "There's this great place downtown. It's called _________ (names the place). Ever been there?"

Me (STILL not knowing where he's going, but not wierded out): "I don't think so. Sounds familiar, though."

Postman: "We went there the other night, had steak & lobster. I got the $10 off birthday discount. See, most people don't even realize at ________( names the place) they'll give you a birthday discount. But they do. I like tellin' people that because we got steak AND lobster and they STILL gave us $10 off. You should have your boyfriend take you there on your birthday. It'll be our little secret."

Me (now understanding where he was going, and am utterly charmed by his enthusiasm in general): "Wow, I totally will. Happy birthday to you!"

Postman (winking): "Oh, it wasn't really my birthday!"

I love my local postal workers. I really, really do...

...and I'm looking forward to finding who my boyfriend will be in October so I can get the $10 birthday discount.


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