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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I swear I just got a contact high from reading this exciting announcement, and so will you.

What he doesn't say is that they actually made their baby out of special herbs, some rolling papers and a few handfuls of play-doh.

Matthew McConaughey and girlfriend Camila Alves are expecting a child, the actor announced Tuesday on his Web site.

"My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together," McConaughey writes. "It's 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far. We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being mother and a father, and shepherding him or her through this life."

McConaughey adds: "Wish us the best, keep us in your prayers, and God bless evolution. Thanks for being fans of me and my work and now this new and miraculous chapter in my life, as me and Camila and our child do our best to just keep living."

He signs his message, "Wow, McConaughey."

McConaughey, 38, met Alves, 24, a Brazilian model whose family moved to L.A. when she was young, more than a year ago."

You'd think my favorite part of this news would be that he works in his best movie line ever, "just keep living" (which is from his breakout role in Dazed and Confused; and is even the name of his film production company!), but what got me really going was the last sentence, because it reads like his girlfriend and her family moved to Los Angeles MORE THAN A YEAR AGO when she was 22 & a half and "still young". You know, instead of the 24 year-old hag she is now.

"You just gotta keep livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."

Anyway, congrats to Matt and his old lady! Now pass the Doritos™ because I'm about to get the munchies.


Kat said...

Oh Jules, you're killing me here.
See I would never have picked up on that you did and you turned it into something hilarious.

Moved there when she was still young, about one year ago. WTF??? That just goes to show how big a stoner he really is. She probably was still young and pretty and innocent until she met "Mr.-gotta-go-shirtless-to-show-off-my-abs-everywhere- I-go-Dude"

Melisa said...

I think he signed his message the way he did to subliminally tell people how he wants them to respond to it.

Melissa said...

He maybe cute, but the man is as dumb as a box of rocks. Sheesh, let's hope the kid has the brains in the family.

Don Mills Diva said...

Aww - a little one for him to play bongos and smoke pot with.

Walter said...

I was roaming to various blogs from the ones featured as "blogs of note" on the main page - I'm definitely enjoying this one, keep up the good work!


Rob said...

Ah! When feeling bad about my grammar am I, reading this note from Matt I do more so because better for me knowing I not so stupid in light.

I also stoked am!

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I agree with Rob. Doesn't Mr. Fab Abs have a publicist or someone to at least make him look literate? Dear God, that poor little lively growth in Camila's womb will come out smokin' a doobie, playing bongos (naked) with fantastic infant abs and wondering what the hell is Dad is talking about!

Spammon said...

I heard that Matthew Mcaughanhaughanahey doesn't shower....It's just what I heard.

Melisa said...

Anastasia: I love the thought of a newborn with "fantastic infant abs". That is hilarious! :)

Suburban Scrawl
Remembering Ruby

Rob said...

You know Anastasia, maybe Matt just figures it works for Ozzy so maybe he will just give the whole incomprehensible shtick a try?

Sauntering Soul said...

spammon, I've heard that too. Gross. I don't care how good looking your abs are, if they (and the rest of you) aren't clean I am grossed out.

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

He doesn't shower (he admitted on Oprah) and he brushes his teeth 10+ times a day! I guess when you're smoking all that weed, you need to get the resin our of your teeth! He also admitted on the BIG O that he doesn't wear deodorant. ICK!! At least those hot, rockin' abs and musical ability (bongos) make up for his stinky faults! All that said, I'd still do him! Stinky sex !!

Jules said...

@Kat: It's what I do, dude! ;)

@MySistaMelisa: WOW is right.

@Melissa: He might be dumb but he sure is pretty.

@DMDiva: Do they make tiny bongos for babies? I mean, how cute would THAT be?

@Walter: Welcome! Did you find me through one of the 'blogs of note' or was THIS blog a 'blog of note'? Hope you c'mon back...

@Rob: Your comment in the voice of Yoda I read.

@Spammon: I also heard that he doesn't wear deo, either, which makes me gag.

@AnastasiaBeaverhausen: I know, right? You'd think so but I guess ole Matty is running PR for himself. Hook 'em horns! "Fantastic infant abs" makes me think of those muscle-y t-shirts. Do they make THOSE for babies? And, OMG, "Stinky sex!!:

@Sauntering: Are you saying you won't lick sweaty abs?

The Life of An Ambitious Book Girl said...

Don't get jealous, but I actually and literally bumped into him in Toronto : ) he was super hot...and i was with my b/f who is still hot but it's hunky Matthew?? Seriously now.
And for the record people, he was wearing a shirt!

Melissa said...

Yeah, but did he stink?

Jules said...

I would have bumped into him REPEATEDLY whether he was stinky or not. Good for you, book girl! (but did he stink? Inquiring minds want to know!)

The Life of An Ambitious Book Girl said...

From what I remember he didn't look fresh, out of the shower clean but he didn't look filthy. He was in cognito!
I kinda ran back after him at the Eaton Centre but I couldn't find him, and then my b/f was standing there starring at me with that look "uhm what do I look like chop liver?"

Jules said...

It's kind of genius that just by getting DRESSED, Matt is incognito and throws everyone off! Love that you went looking for him after the incident. I take it your BF recovered nicely?!

Kristabella said...

I love that he says we “made a baby together.” And also that he says stoked. In a quote. I’m not sure you can say that past 35.

Also, that baby will give Shiloh a run for her money as cutest baby ever.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm worried that their baby will also have playdoh brains.

Too funny!