So our baby will know how much deep thought and introspection his father & I put into naming him

In August, I wrote this birthday post to a friend who goes WAY back to the days of yore, otherwise known as middle school. In it, I mentioned our long lost friend, Todd; and wrote that if by some chance he ever came across it that he should leave a comment with his e-mail address so that we can get back in touch after 20 years.

Two weeks ago today, on what just so happened to be HIS birthday, his sister Google'd his name, came across the post and told him, "Some people are talking about you." That night, he & I were basically reconnected with the click of a button. After a couple of email exchanges, we were on the phone a few nights later. For 3 hours. Picking up right where we left off. Like it was yesterday. Good old Google!

In middle school (and I'm happy to report, still to this day!) Todd's bawdy sense of humor and ability to flirt with ease meant that every one of us girls adored him in such a way that we all wanted to hug him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. He was THAT cute.

If you remember (or 'remember-ize', which is a brand new word he made up tonight during our conversation, a hybrid of 'remember' and 'memorize') back in the 80's, "Stud Muffin" was the thing to call a hot dude, or any guy who had a harem of girls surrounding him at all times. Todd was both, except he was small--like a breakfast sandwich--so I started calling him McMuffin and for the remainder of 8th grade it stuck.


Before *McDreamy or **McSteamy there was McMuffin. How about that? I've been coming up with gems like this for 20 years! {*McDreamy and **McSteamy refer to character nicknames for 2 incredibly hot doctors on the show Grey's Anatomy. You know, in case you have been living under a rock and don't already know that.}

Like last week's marathon phone call, tonight's two-hour talk-fest featured comedic moments a-plenty, filled to capacity with exchanged one-liners and loads of sarcasm, which is really the only way to ever keep me on the phone (and laughing my ass off) for that long. Near the end of our conversation I was asking him where he had traveled for work this week, and the next thing you know, we're having a baby together:

Todd: Hey, I was in your time zone today! Could you feel it?

Me: Aww, I wish I would have known that ahead of time. Maybe then I wouldn't have forgotten to shave my legs this morning. Although, now that you mention it, today DID feel different from all the other days over the past 20 years. It was as if I knew it without knowing I knew it. You know?

Todd: Listen to us, it's just like that animated movie about the russian mouse trying to find his family! (singing) Somewhere out there, beneath that pale moonlight, someone's thinking of me...

Me: Fievel?! Oh my God, we officially have a song. I'm the Linda Ronstadt to your Peabo Bryson!

Todd: Peabo Bryson! Hey, I like that! It's perfect. Let's have a kid and name him Peabo...PEABOHHHHHHHHH!

Me: Peabo McMuffin.

Todd: Peabo FIEVEL McMuffin. We gotta give the russian singing mouse some credit.

Me: Done and done!

UPDATE: I just rememberized that James Ingram sang the duet "Somewhere Out There" with Linda Ronstadt. I was thinking of Peabo's duet with Roberta Flack, "Tonight I Celebrate my Love for You". Frankly, the lyrics and tone of those tracks are totally interchangeable, and I mean that in the good, "1980's sway to a cheesy love song at the middle school dance" kind of way.

Don't worry, we'll still name our kid Peabo!

Melisa L. Wells: Ink Slinger Extraordinare

My sister Melisa L. Wells is now a published author! She poured her heart and soul into "Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet" and I DEMAND ENCOURAGE you to buy the book! You can either click on the amazon direct purchase link in the right column of my blog, or you can hop over to her blog and buy it there.

I'm so proud of her for continuing to set goals for herself toward reaching each of her dreams. She has always knocked over any obstacles unfortunate enough to be in her way, almost always with a sunshine-y smile on her face. I should know since when we were kids I was the obstacle getting knocked over! Bah-dum-bump!

She asked me to design the cover and inside layout of the book, and it was a truly priceless experience to work on a project like this special book together. She pretty much gave me free reign and that right there? That is the perfect client. You hear that, clients of mine? Take some notes from my sister, otherwise I'll send her to your offices and have her knock you over. You'll know it's her because the last thing you'll see is her sunshine-y smile:


Me, with the totally obtrusive inflatable arm floaties, and my sister with the sleek inflatable swan. Totally sums up our personalities. Bull in a china shop (me) and graceful ballerina-type (her). Here we are in the late 70's at our local country club. By "local" I mean our backyard, and by "country club" I mean a craptastic kiddie pool. Was that pool even deep enough to warrant my wearing floaties? Good times.


If she asked me to do another book with her tomorrow, I would. That's saying a lot after what we went through the past 10 months to get this one out into the world, which you can read ALL about on her blog. While you're there, buy the book!


We were put through the ringer to see this book go from my design files on my computer to the actual printed book, but as evidenced by this childhood photo of us, even in stormy weather we stand strong together under our umbrellas. Ellas. Ellas. Eh. Eh. Eh.


Here is the announcement my sister sent out to family and friends:

During the difficult time after our beagle Bijoux died in April 2003, I was unable to find a book on pet loss that our family could share. That summer, I wrote a book on the subject–geared towards families with young children–after it occurred to me that writing our story would be therapeutic while also helping other families going through the same thing.

I have been waiting to make this big announcement for a long time: as of last week, my book "Remembering Ruby: For Families Living Beyond the Loss of a Pet" was officially published!

The story, told from my son's point of view, is accompanied by black and white photographs. Because losing a pet is often the first time that children have to cope with death, I thought it important to include suggestions on helping children grieve in their own way, which you’ll find at the back of the book in the "Guide for Parents” section.

My sister Julie spent countless hours designing the interior of the book (and working other photo magic, like editing millions of dust particles out of some of my scanned photos) and she is also responsible for the absolutely stunning cover.

Speaking with many people about the process of publishing my book during the past year has reinforced my belief that “Remembering Ruby” fills a void in an often overlooked subject matter, and I hope that our family's story can help comfort other families that are dealing with the sadness of losing a pet.

Here’s your call to action: The book is now available online at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Every good review will help promote “Remembering Ruby”, so if you buy the book, you can help me by writing an online review (of any length) on the “Remembering Ruby” page on either bookseller’s website. I am going to need a lot of word-of-mouth promotion for this. If you would be so kind, please pass this information on to as many people as you feel comfortable. I appreciate your help in spreading the word!

By the way, I have also been writing a blog about this journey, and Julie just gave the site an extreme makeover! According to my publisher, purchasing from and reviewing on amazon.com will boost the book's sales rating, and so Julie has installed a direct purchase link from my website. Click here to get to my blog: Remembering Ruby

I also want to thank everyone who has given me support and encouragement along the way; this is truly a dream realized and I couldn't be happier about how the book has turned out. I am very excited to share it with you and the rest of the world.

What are you still here for? Get over to her blog, already!

Looks like everybody is getting something!

Today my phone was flashing the little envelope icon, signifying that my text message inbox is full and I need to trash some of the old ones. I went through them, deleting rather quickly until I came across one from my good friend J.C. (no, not THEE J.C., as you'll soon realize) that made me laugh out loud:


I don't recall reading this message when it came in, late one night last month, so maybe I was "getting" the same thing J.C. was "getting" when she sent it.

HEY STUPID, you're missing the whole point. He doesn't have to know how to SAY it!

It's just one little word, but the amount of trouble this spanish italian yummy guy has with it is adorable and the energy he's putting towards trying to get it juuuust right is so endearing that I want to pull him to me and uh, well... reassure him that it doesn't matter whether or not he can pronounce it correctly. Ahem.

Also, the fraternity-like whooping cheer that goes up in the room when he finally gets it after all that off-camera syllabic coaching is inspiring. It's a true show of some serious testosterone-driven Bear Bryant halftime pep-talking, pat-your-teammates-on-the-ass kind of stuff, people; and I want to be let into that huddle.


Warning: Even though it's only one word, don't hit "play" if you're at work or around the kids. That is, unless you want to have a talk with your children (or your boss!) that you might not be prepared for. I'm just sayin'.

No matter what this commercial is even for, my involuntary consumer response is, "Yes, please."

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes...you're under.

I'm a huge fan of quirky british humor (Ricky Gervais or Stephen Merchant , marry me?), and I recently finished watching the first season of BBC's Little Britain, which, if you don't already know of it, is a character driven sketch show. The 2 creators, Matt Lucas and David Walliams play all the main/recurring characters--no matter the age or sex--with the help of costume and make-up.


To describe it as "quirky humor" is an understatement. Since I think the quirkier, the better, I'm happy to report that I loved it.

It became unexpectedly biographical after I enjoyed several sketches featuring one of my favorite characters on the show, "Stage Hypnotist Kenny Craig". His personality reminded me of someone but I couldn't put my finger on it until a few days later when I was telling a friend about the show.

Finally, it hit me. For a short while, I dated a guy JUST LIKE HIM, except he was less a hypnotist and more a determined manipulist (I think I just made that word up, but you know the kind of person I'm talking about). I wouldn't have put anything past him in his quest to get his own way 100% of the time. He was very good at walking that thin line between being maddeningly conniving and maddeningly charming-- which in the end turns out to be one in the same: totally maddening.

With the exception of the fact that I would never order lobster or champagne on a date, this is frighteningly close to what it was like when we went out:



A more accurate version of my time spent with the real life Kenny Craig-like person would have gone like this:

"Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes... (snaps fingers) ...you're under! Proving that I'm eternally consumed with myself, and therefore have no idea what qualities you look for in a man; instead focusing on my own locker room hang-ups, after tonight you will tell your friends how incredibly capable I am, and that I'm practically super-human. Specifically, you will ensure they think that it was THIS. BIG. You will hold up your hands like such, indicating something huge and impressive--because I'm projecting onto you the only thing I think women deem as important--which insinuates that you are a shallow person and proves that I am an idiot. You will absolutely NOT mention my deep-seated insecurities, which are glaringly obvious in the way that I try, unsuccessfully, to manipulate you. 3-2-1, you're back in the room!"

I think Kenny Craig is even funnier now that I have realized who he reminds me of, but maybe it's because I was looking into his eyes, looking into his eyes, his eyes, his eyes, not around his eyes, not looking around the eyes, but looking into his eyes.

***

In case you're at work and can't actually watch the above YouTube clip (though I highly recommend it--I think it's WAY funnier with the tone and english accent), here is the transcript:

Announcer: Stage Hypnotist, Kenny Craig, is on a date.

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: I usually just have a starter and find that's enough.

Date: It's nice here. It's funny, I don't remember saying I'd go on a date with you. I don't know what to have, it all looks so nice.

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: The set menu is very reasonable.

Date: OH! They do baked lobster. I've never had lobster before. I'll have that.

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: (rolls eyes, annoyed) Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes... (snaps fingers) ...you're under! In a moment, the waiter will appear and when he does, you will order from the set menu; 3 courses, $8.95. You will NOT order the lobster. 3-2-1, you're back in the room!

Date: OH! There's lots of things I like on the set menu. You don't mind ordering from the set menu, do you?

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: Hey, whatever you want, you know. That's fine. Do you know what you want to drink yet?

Date: Seeing as it's a special occasion, it'd be lovely to have a bottle of bubbly.

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: (annoyed again) Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes... (snaps fingers) ...you're under! You will choose a soft drink, you will NOT, repeat NOT order champagne. I know it's our first date and I don't even fancy you that much, and I really resent you bleeding me dry here. 3-2-1, you're back in the room!

Waiter: Are you ready to order, madam?

Date: Yes, I'll order from the set menu, please. I'll have the spring roll and chicken chow mein.

Waiter: And, to drink?

Date: Just a glass of water.

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: Tap water!

Waiter: And, for sir?

Kenny Craig, Stage Hypnotist: I'm not really hungry. I'll just have the lobster and a bottle of champagne. (!!!)

***

Other quirky shows I enjoy:
Extras
psyche
Strangers with Candy
Nighty Night
Campus Ladies

Happy Birthday to my favorite bookends! Assigned symmetrical photo placement established in 1991.

Even though Staci's birthday was on August 7th and Em's is today, I wanted to do a co-birthday post for my 2 favorite leggy blondes, Em & Staci...


La Cañada Kitchen, 2003. The night of the infamous, "You GET me, Julie" quote from Wadley, as he emptied all of the sea salt out of the grinder onto your kitchen counter, for no reason other than 'it looks cool'. Followed by my even more infamous response, "Uhhhh... ok then, good night. Enjoy the salt."



My 30th surprise party, which each of you flew in from the coasts for. On my shoulder, Em's own coveted birthday bag that she received one month prior. On my feet, 3" heels. Surprisingly, neither made me tall enough to join the "Legs for Miles" club. Maybe a larger shoulder bag next time, or even better, a big pile of sea salt. Someone call Wadley.


I could go on for days about how much we've all been through together, but I really want to say that I couldn't have been luckier to have lived in Dobson Hall in 1991. If it hadn't been for my boyfriend at the time freaking out that I wanted to live in Porter Hall, the co-ed dorm with the photography darkroom (he was freaked about the co-ed thing, not the darkroom; or maybe it was the possibility of co-eds IN the darkroom?!), I never would have met you two. Yay for jealous ex-boyfriends!


I might seem slightly taller than usual in this photo, but it's only because Em & I are on up the sidewalk and Staci is 6 inches below us standing in a parking spot.


While I was extremely tempted to pull out some scandalous photos from the vault, I realized it's not in me to put your un-plucked eyebrows (Stace) and your permed-ish hair (Em), or my big bangs from the early 90's on blast. Not to mention the gorgeous array of Z. Cav's and flannel-wear that only women in southwest Wisconsin consider the height of fashion. The fact that we literally had "dressy" flannels still charms my NYC friends if they have the misfortune of coming across those old photos.


My, how the tables have turned. The short one in the middle is the blond!


While it's true that gone are the days of Wednesday night quarter tappers at Orville T's, sneaking into The Shute with IDs more fake than a Rolex in Chinatown, as well as $85 per month for our share of the rent in an actual house just off-campus, our friendship has stood the test of time and distance for over 15 years.


{Read to the tune of Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable'} "To the west, to the west. Mel flew us out for your party, to the west. To the west, to the west!"


We've always been there for each other, on the phone or emailing, reporting on life's minutiae, or flying in for the big milestones, marking them together.


I had never seen what pure joy looked like until I took this photo of Em on her & Mel's wedding day, and never saw it again after that on anyone else until...


There it is again 2 years later! Frank glowing with wedding joy on his & Staci's big day! These wedding photos are perfect compliments to each other. While I'm on the subject of each of your weddings, what kind of friends are you to have married such fantastic men, when neither of them have a brother that I can marry? Seriously. Help a seestor out.


I shudder to think what old college memories, and my life in general, would be like without the two of you. Not to mention how dull my photos would be without you tall drinks of water flanking me on either side.


Apparently there comes a time when the shutter-depressor feels the need to zoom in. This is ridiculous. I mean, how close is close enough?



The rest of this photo was sky. How is this even possible?


You know I have to be in the middle or I end up looking like the petite brunette stepchild at a family picnic, as evidenced by the hot mess that is this photo:

See, all hell broke loose! None of us are even looking in the same direction, and apparently we're all mimes starring in our own drastically different genre of film. FYI: I have on 4" heeled boots, and still am not 6'1" like Em. Her Native American name isn't "Stands with Long Legs" for nothing.



Wait, maybe it takes a few glasses of wine for the "brunette on the outside" configuration to work, since we were able to pull it together just fine for this one.


Where we are all currently living makes complete sense to me: Emily out west in California. Staci out east in Rhode Island. I'm here in Chicago--right where I belong--in the middle of the both of you: My favorite bookends.

Happy birthday, Hunker Friends!

A Miracle for Eddie (and lots of other people, too!)

Eddie and Brad at Tosa fest, in front of the Wauwatosa Firefighters Dunk Tank, raising money for the Carol Ann Foundation. Firefighters in wet t-shirts? Why wasn't I notified of this?


Because any friends of Sue & Todd's are friends of mine, and because they don't get much friendlier than their good friends and neighbors Brad and Jeni, but MOSTLY because they don't get more adorable than Brad & Jeni's 3-year-old son Eddie... I donated the below framed photograph to their silent auction to raise funding for Morquio Type A.


"Shadow of the Palm" photo taken (by me) in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It can be yours...

Eddie was diagnosed with Morquio Type A after being born a happy & healthy baby. Morquio Type A is an extremely rare disease--only 350 people have been diagnosed with it--and as a result, there is no governmental funding for research. The "A Miracle For Eddie" fundraiser will take place this Sunday, September 16th, 2007 from 11:00a.m.-7:00p.m. at the American Legion Post located at 9159 W. Beloit Rd. in West Allis, WI. There will be food, beverages, a silent auction, and games of chance.

When I was told about the fundraiser, I assumed that the money would help with Eddie's astronomical medical/surgery bills, which in itself is a great cause worth supporting, and one I would gladly get behind, but as you'll see, that is not the case:

What is extraordinary about Brad & Jeni, and truly indicative of the kind of people they are, is that all proceeds and donations from this fundraiser that they've put all their own energy and time into, will go directly to the research towards treatment of the disease, which helps everyone afflicted with Morquio Type A, not just their son. I admire them so much for that because they're doing it for the greater good.

Seeing people do something for the greater good is inspiring, and so is doing something small to help out friends of friends who are doing something for the greater good! I highly recommend it. If you want to help me help friends of friends do something for the greater good (!), you can attend and join in on the silent auction, or you can donate directly to the foundation. E-mail me for info on how to do that.

I think I'm Eddie's biggest fan. I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone thinks that, though. You'll probably join our ranks when you read more of his story on his own site by clicking here.

Hell, I still love you New York

Ryan Adams. New York, New York

C'mon, "Gimme More" than a high five, Brit. That performance deserved at least a HIGH TEN!

Gimme a high ten, Britney! Emphasis on the "high".


Because my expectations were so low to begin with, I wasn't disappointed. In fact, only one thing came to my mind after watching the hot mess that was the opening performance of the VMAs last night... a long-ago-released sad song by Springsteen, which really says all anyone needs to know about Britney's past and future-- and also what I imagine her present must consist of:

Well there's a girl that lives up the block
Back in school she could turn all the boy's heads
Sometimes on a Friday I'll stop by
And have a few drinks after she put her kids to bed

Her and her husband Bobby Kevin well they split up
I guess it's two years gone by now
We just sit around talking about the old times,
She says when she feels like crying
She starts laughing thinking about

Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days...

I'm certain I would have resisted writing about this had I not come across the brilliant freeze frame (at the top of this post) from her performance last night. Click here to read the IDLYITW post I got the image from, or just enjoy this classic SNL video of Tracy Morgan playing Woodrow the homeless musical composer. Skip ahead about 75% of the way in and you can hear him sing a very interesting song to Britney:




Doo-doo pie, indeed.

Entire universe counting the hours until ex-pop star dances, lip synchs into unnecessary microphone again

I hope you're all stocked up on Cheetoes and Red Bull, for tonight on MTV's Video Music Awards will be the second-coming of lip synch queen Milli Vanilli Britney Spears. Rumor has it that she'll be performing her leaked single, "Gimme More", a song that begins by answering her children's most often asked question of their nannies: "Who's my mommy?

The answer, and opening lyrics to the song? "It's Britney, B**ch."

What's that you say? You don't speak to your kids like that? Well, she's country, ya'll.

In more disturbing exciting performance news... she has been working with Criss Angel to pull off some kind of house of mirrors trickery. I hope at the end of her song he comes swooping down from the rafters and yells, "MINDFREAK! MINDFREAK! MINDFREEEEAAAAKKKKK!"

Because it's going to be winter eventually

These are ACTUAL MITTENS that you can ACTUALLY BUY!

Good news, smokers! Someone has designed mittens just for you. The best part: they come in black, to match your lungs.

So THIS is where all that funding for cancer research went. Great job, Indiana University!

They needed to conduct a study on this subject? And it was done by an accredited university? Really?


Indiana University wins the "DUH" award of the millenium for their "research study" confirming the oldest known fact in the history of the universe.

Still, I'm holding out for the Snozzberries

The geniuses at the New Orleans-based Flavor Paper have brought to life something I never thought possible: Scratch-n-Sniff wallpaper!


B-a-n-a-n-a-s, Cherries Forever, and Tutti Frutti only "scratch" the surface of Flavor Paper's incredible wallpaper offerings.

True, this might be something better off left to Willy Wonka's imaginings ("The snozzberries taste like snozzberries..."), but still, I'm intrigued. If you're looking for other creatively kick-ass wallpaper--with or without fruitastic smells-- this is the place to go. They'll even send you samples!

In addition to this fruit line, they've done some really innovative things in the world of wallpaper design, all infinitely cooler than the cloud mural I had on the walls of my childhood bedroom.

Bravo!

This movie was the perfect thing to see last night. If you like foreign films about adorable orphans--and if you have a heartbeat--you'll enjoy it, too.

Hang in there if you start watching and are unsure if you want to continue to the end. Even though I knew it won 30 industry awards, I wondered a few times if movie's (perfectly suited) depressing, grey pallor from the dreary Russian weather--that seemed to bleed from the screen, turning my comfortable living room into a claustraphobic chamber--was ever going to lift.

I had hopes that it would, but I wasn't quite prepared for the ending.

It felt like being strangled for over an hour and then suddenly breathing in your lung's maximum capacity of the purest, cleanest air on the sunniest afternoon. It took my breath away, and then gave it back 1000-fold.

As the credits started rolling we rewound the last 10 minutes and watched the ending again. And again.

I'm sure there is a word for something that is both simple and complex at the same time; altogether gorgeous in the most humble of ways-- that's what the ending of this movie is.