The Doctor Is In!

Late last night, I found out about Swatch's "Dr. Swatch" promotion:

Visit your local Swatch store for a complimentary Swatch checkup from the Swatch Docs.
During the Dr. Swatch event at Swatch, the Swatch Docs will perform:
Free battery changes • Free strap adjustments • Free buffing

I have an original red POP Swatch (that I bought with my own money thankyouverymuch and another regular Swatch from '89. It still smells like my high school boyfriend's cologne, which sounds weirder than it actually is. When we started dating, I wore his football jacket, his class ring AND HIS SWATCH WATCH. When we broke up, I gave back the first 2 and kept the watch. Oh yes, I did. I knew what time it was, if you know what I'm saying & I think you do.

I've had these Swatches tucked away in the place I have all of my other watches & jewelry (which there isn't much left of after an apartment break-in 10 years ago out east, which is another story for another day) and haven't taken them out of their little boxes in EONS. That is, not until very late last night, as I was squealing with excitement. I've wanted to revive my POP Swatch for awhile, but always found a better use for the $15 battery cost.

My procrastination in this case is paying off! Free batteries, free band adjustments & free buffing! Heading out the door now. I'll post an update with pictures later!

Today is the last day for this promotion, so if you have Swatches tucked away somewhere, break those mothereffers out and take them to Dr. Swatch!

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These guys sure like ice cream!

Don't miss the xylophone cameo!

"Relax when you see me, check it when you see me. I'm chillin' with an iced tea, watermelon icees." {wink}

I'm not gonna lie; I watched this 3 times... but that was only because I really like xylophones*.

*What?! I'm VERY MUCH musically-inclined.

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"You know that thing we've been working on for awhile now?"

Have you seen this totally predictable iPhone commercial?



Ugh, gag. Two seconds into the first time I saw it, I knew what she was calling him about. I held my breath until the end, though... thinking about how clever it would be if she wasn't calling to tell him she's pregnant, but because she finished the World's Most Difficult Jigsaw Puzzle.



Apple needs to start consulting me on their advertising campaigns. Advertising, design, marketing. It's what I do*.



*I work hard for the money, so hard for you honey.

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Putting the Hump in Humpday: Here's to Javier Bardem's body of work; and well, his body.

Late last night one of my friends emailed me a link with the message, "I'm so sorry to break this to you!" I gulped and then clicked on the link, which was the news that (one of) my lovah(s), Javier Bardem, married Penelope Cruz. As soon as I read the headline, I actually said, "OH NOOOOOOOOO!" out loud. I really did. Obviously, Javier has been a victim of poor timing. Had he met ME first, Penelope wouldn't even be a blip on his radar. Ah, such is life. Poor Javi.

Somewhere in my drafts is not-yet-published post on the night I saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona. That will be a post for another day; it's taken me awhile to recover. SO. HOT.

A few days ago, I read that he'll be guest-starring on Glee next season. This was hilarious to all of my "Gleek" friends because I told them at the end of last season that Glee was dead to me unless, say, someone like Javier was on the show. I never actually thought he'd be on there, but there you go. Put something out into the universe & it can happen, it really can.

In light of the recent Bardem news, I thought it was a great time to bring back this post... especially because today is Wednesday. Enjoy! I do. ;)

.....

There's only one man who could get away with saying, "Usted va me deja tener mi manera con usted porque soy el hombre más caliente vivo." (You're going to let me have my way with you because I'm the hottest man alive), and that man is Javier Bardem. He's never said that to me, but only because it goes without saying. Because it's only delaying the inevitable so let's just get to it, shall we? The humpday post, I mean.

In 2004, I saw the movie "Mar Adentro" (The Sea Inside); based on the real-life story of Ramón Sampedro, a Spanish ship mechanic left quadriplegic after a diving accident, who fought a 28-year campaign in support of euthanasia and his right to end his own life. I fell for Javier Bardem immediately because of his stellar performance in this movie. Yes, it was his ACTING that got me. Seriously. No, really. This is proven by the fact that for most of the movie he looked like this:


Javier Bardem as Ramón Sampedro. An old man with kind eyes, totally huggable in that sweater; but definitely not sexy.


I was captivated by him right away, and made a mental note to rent some of his other films. I thought, "He's old so he must have a ton of movies under his belt". Keep in mind that this was 2004, before everyone on the planet knew him by name, or by face for that matter. When the flashback scene of the diving accident came on, showing what Javier Bardem REALLY looked like (and what was supposed to be Sampedro's character as a young man), I just about lost my mind. You crazy film industry makeup departments! You tricked me! This man is actually smokin' hot in real life, and for about 5 minutes in this movie they let him show it:


Since I couldn't find the diving scene on YouTube, I opted for this shot from the movie's official website. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some screen licking to do. HEY-OHHH!


That was how my Javier fixation appreciation began. A few months ago, I finally decided to watch every JB movie I hadn't already seen. I looked up his "resume", which to my delight reads mostly like details from a steamy novel:


Click to enlarge. As you can see by the numbers, I cut out the films that didn't fit in with the sexy theme (for illustrative purposes only. I did WATCH the movies that were without sexy titles in addition to these!) They're all a pretty stunning testament to "taking your work home with you". Rather, taking HIS work home with ME. The only one of this list I haven't seen yet (because Netflix doesn't have it) is "Jamon, Jamon", which directly translated is "Ham, Ham". Judging by the 18 & over trailer I found on YouTube, it might as well be called "Pork, Pork". No joke. I won't link to it here but do the search on YouTube and find out for yourself. Also no joke? Me, seeing that movie, even if I have to buy it.


One of my photography teachers adopted a saying that has stuck with me since college: "When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt". I have been delaying this Hump of the Month post not only so I could watch as many Javier Bardem movies as possible (you know, for research purposes; I'm nothing if not thorough!) but also because I wanted it to be all-encompassing. I wanted it to do Javier's superb "body of work" equally as much justice as I wanted to "do justice" to his "superb body"; if you know what I'm sayin' and I think you do.

In addition, I wanted this to be informative, not a fluff piece meant only for people to drool all over their keyboards while staring at photos like this one:


I would roll around in hot cigar ashes with him anytime.


At one point I even told a friend that I wanted to do a synopsis and review of all 20 JB movies I've seen, but I'm pretty sure I made that insane declaration in the middle of watching his thriller, Between Your Legs; and by the end of that movie--with it's jaw-droppingly shocking twist-- I realized that I was a FOOL to think I could easily sum up the complexity that is Javier and his chameleon-like acting. My summation for each of his movies, without going into great detail, would sound something like this: "He blows away the competition, you should definitely see everything he's ever been in. While you're doing that, I'm going to be over here licking my TV. Look away, look away I tell you!"; and that's just not helpful to anybody. Since his work speaks for itself, who am I to interrupt?


He deserved winning the Oscar for his performance in No Country for Old Men. Don't watch it at 7a.m. on a lazy Saturday like I did, though. It's a little too early in the day for that kind of murderous rampaging.


It has been really interesting to see his movies in order of their release date; to confirm that he is a really great actor and not just a pretty face with a hot body and an intoxicating accent to boot (universe, if you're listening, please send him to my doorstep ASAP). He has done such a variety of work and really commits to his character that it was never boring. Even if it had been boring, his looks would save him; but he never has to rely on that. There's just not a downside to watching the work of someone who qualifies as The Hump of the Month, trust me.

Some of you aren't big on the subtitles thing, and to that I say, SCREW THE SUBTITLES, HE'S HOT, WATCH HIM ANYWAY he is in plenty of english-language movies, so check those out.


UGH, her again? She needs to back off of my man before I unleash the motherf**king moonwalk!


If you have a new-favorite-actor based on only seeing a few of their movies, I highly recommend immersing yourself in their work. Start at the beginning, see their evolution, watch their growth through experience. In the meantime, there's always April's Hump of the Month to enjoy, Javier Bardem. I plan to enjoy him for a LONG time.

Click HERE to watch The Sea Inside's trailer, featuring the diving scene that made me realize that Javier Bardem wasn't really an old man in a huggable sweater as the rest of the movie would suggest.

In all seriousness, this movie is in my top 10 favorites of all time; and this man is in my top 3 favorite humps of all time. He might even be Numero Uno, but don't tell Jeremy.


Red and purple are my favorite colors, he'd look PERFECT in my bedroom.

To read previous Putting the Hump in Humpday posts, click HERE.

To read everything I've ever written (publicly, anyway!) about Javier Bardem, click HERE.

Smoker or not, you may need a cigarette after.


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In the blink of an eye

Oh, boy... err, man!

THIS DUDE is 18 today. EIGHTEEN.

I can't even put into words how stellar it is to have him & his brother in my life... so I won't even try.

I've been photographing him since the minute he was born (literally) and yet, I don't know where the time went.





Happy birthday to you, Sparks! Your presence is truly a gift to ME (and everyone around you). You have made my life infinitely better, just by being in it.


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The Sad Vuvuzela (#SadVuvuzela) is now "a thing"!

On Monday, I wondered to myself (and to anyone following me on Twitter):


You know, like the sad trombone. Wah-waaaaaah!


I didn't find anything online, but I kept it going on Twitter whenever it was appropriate:




Not quite a "sad" vuvuzela reference, but a fun one all the same.


Then, today I had to go to the place I bought my tires earlier this year because I had a flat that needed repairing. I sent out this tweet:




...and then these back & forth tweets between @JWiltshire & I:








So, your wish is my command:

The Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela IS A THING! OUTSIDE OF TWITTER! AT YOUR DISPOSAL!

Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela

See what happens when you follow me on Twitter? I can make your wishes come true*!

Click HERE to follow me if you aren't already!



*Sometimes


sound source
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Fiesta, forever!

Lionel Richie wrote a song about occasions like this: Today is my boo Will's birthday!

Please read my previous birthday post to him HERE so you can get a feel for his awesomeness! It'll open in another window so you can come right back to this afterward. Seriously, go read it. DO IT.

He's great, right? Of course he is. The guy TOTALLY gets me & I couldn't adore him more.

Last weekend I went to another friend's wedding and put up a Facebook status letting everyone know what I was up to at the reception. There were a handful of funny responses, but his got right to the heart of the matter:


My status update on one of the greatest songs* of all time, and Will's response.

Love him! I know he would've been right there with me, heckling the band. The two of us could've wrestled the microphone away from the singer & performed the song as a duet. We could easily entertain a crowd. How many times can bands play, "From This Moment"? C'mon, wedding bands! Spice that shit up and take some unorthodox requests.

Back to Will: He's currently in D.C. getting his education on (now I'm just typing stuff in to crack MYSELF up), and you can read my post about that HERE. Don't miss it because your life will get exponentially better after seeing the picture of him ON A DING DONG, also known as my favorite photo OF ALL TIME! No joke. Click to read now & thank me later.

Now that you know enough about him to fully enjoy the rest of this post--and there will be a test at the end so don't cheat or everyone will know--I'll bring you up to a couple of months ago, when I wanted to sent him a surprise package full of things to help him survive all that studying** he's doing at the library.

I bought a bunch of small items, including:

• Highlighters
• Post-It notes
• Fun writing pens
• Notation clips for his textbooks
• Mini Chicago playing cards
• Snacks (nutsnacks, etc... HA!)
• Lots of candy
• Little plastic toys like whistles & kazoos
• Magnets (1 from a roadtrip to Tennessee and one with a skull & banner that says, "A Pirate's Life" just because whenever I thought about it being on his fridge, I'd literally laugh out loud)
• Party poppers (those bottle-popping confetti things)
• A shot glass

...and most importantly:

• Assorted mini-liquor bottles
• Tylenol

The pile of goodness all laid out:

Then, I shoved it ALL in this piñata and shipped it off:

It was so much fun putting this together for him, and he loved it. He was even going to keep the donkey around & give it a name. Now, THAT'S love.

Happy birthday, Will! You're the best!

*Unskinny Bop's totally-appropriate-for-a-wedding-reception video & lyrics:


My favorite line: "Like gasoline you wanna pump me". Pure poetry, baby.

Unskinny Bop by Poison
What's got you so jumpy? Why can't you sit still, yeah?
Like gasoline you wanna pump me
And leave me when you get your fill, yeah

Every time I touch you honey you get hot
I want to make love you never stop
Come up for air you push me to the floor
What's been going on in that head of yours?

(chorus)
Unskinny bop, just blows me away
Unskinny bop bop. All night and day
Unskinny bop bop bop bop, She just loves to play
Unskinny bop , nothin' more to say

You look at me so funny
Love bite go you acting oh so strange
You got too many bees in your honey
Am I just another word in your page, yeah, yeah

(chorus)

You're sayin' my love won't do ya, but that ain't love written on your face
Well honey I can see right through ya
We'll see whose ridin' who at the end of the race

What's right? What's wrong? What's left?
What the hell is going on?


**Not a euphemism, but it totally should be

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Truths in Word Verification

This is what we called some* of the cheerleaders in high school:

What?! In some places**, it'd be considered a term of endearment!



*Which means, NOT ALL.
**Places like, maybe, HERE?


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Winnebago Man

I'm not just a movie junkie, I'm also a documentary freak. I think the idea of documentaries makes some people turn up their noses because they equate it with SNOOZEFEST. I always say that if you like reality TV, you'll probably like documentaries. Sure, some are better or more interesting than others, but I can honestly say I've never seen one that I didn't like or learn something from.

I've known about Jack Rebney for a couple of years, after seeing one of the videos of his Winnebago commercial bloopers on YouTube. They are absolute tear-jerkers. You will laugh until you cry, which is one of the greatest things to do with your time. Or, rather, with mine.

Imagine my delight when I heard someone made a documentary about him!

The dude swears like a trucker, so if you have sensitivities about that, don't bother watching this trailer.

"I don't want any more bullshit from anyone, that includes me!"

Oh, it's glorious, isn't it?

I'm counting the days until July 9th.

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Going Postal

I love the people who work at my local post office. I really do. I mean, I love them, but I'm not IN LOVE with them. You get what I'm saying. The guys who work at the counter know me by name, which is quite endearing, and also helpful when there's a long line. They know that if I need to mail anything or buy stamps, I'll use the machine in the lobby, so if I'm in line it means I need to pick something up. After seeing me, and in between customers, they dip in the back to get the package, nod in my direction and hand it off to me, without saying anything besides, "Hi Julie! Here you go!"

It's pretty bad ass.

Once I had a huge box to mail and the machine wasn't working. Luckily, it wasn't busy that day so my friend & I were up to the counter in no time. My favorite counter guy greets me by name and we all chat as he's getting the box ready to ship for me. I ask about his grandkids and he asks me about my travels. As my friend & I walk back to my car, I said, "Isn't he the best? THAT'S how I like my postal workers!" and she replied, "Are you kidding? That's how I like my EVERYBODY!"

Such a good point. She's right. That's how I like my everybody, too.


Cut to today. I get one of those orange slips in my mailbox, telling me that there's a box for me at the post office. I see the mailman walking down the sidewalk delivering more mail. His truck is parked near my car, so I decide to wait outside for a few minutes to see if I can just get the box from him before he leaves with it.

On his way back, I see that it's not my regular postal delivery guy. He still greets me with a super-friendly smile & I hold up my orange slip, asking if it'd be ok to just give me the package or if I'd have to wait until the next day to pick it up at the post office.

As he opens the back of his truck to get it for me, this is how the conversation went (with a man I've never met before):

Postman: "You like eating hibachi?"

Me (not knowing where he's going with that question):"Uh, sure. Who DOESN'T like hibachi?"

Postman: "There's this great place downtown. It's called _________ (names the place). Ever been there?"

Me (STILL not knowing where he's going, but not wierded out): "I don't think so. Sounds familiar, though."

Postman: "We went there the other night, had steak & lobster. I got the $10 off birthday discount. See, most people don't even realize at ________( names the place) they'll give you a birthday discount. But they do. I like tellin' people that because we got steak AND lobster and they STILL gave us $10 off. You should have your boyfriend take you there on your birthday. It'll be our little secret."

Me (now understanding where he was going, and am utterly charmed by his enthusiasm in general): "Wow, I totally will. Happy birthday to you!"

Postman (winking): "Oh, it wasn't really my birthday!"

I love my local postal workers. I really, really do...

...and I'm looking forward to finding who my boyfriend will be in October so I can get the $10 birthday discount.


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