If things go well, you might be showing off your O-face!

I've already written about how my job has involved many pitch meetings for different products, and that I probably pay attention to commercials, slogans, and advertising in general more than the average person does. I think about what goes into a pitch meeting, and how I'm sure some advertising agencies must be amazed when a client goes with (and pays big money for) some half-baked or unintentionally hilarious idea.

For example, I was surprised by this product name and was saddened by this spokesperson/song, and I couldn't believe that this winter accessory actually made it into production. The last marketing campaign that caught my attention was way back in November, and it was True North's"extraordinary nutsnacks". I even asked my friends Spammon & Lindsey to be the official House of Jules extraordinary nutsnack taste-testers. You can read that post (and I highly recommend it, for the nutsnack comparison photos alone!) HERE.

Since that time, I haven't seen any glaringly awful or awesome product advertising, that is until this week when I saw this:



1. Yes, they are asking you to "upload your O-face*" so people can VOTE ON IT.

2. Not only do they want you to "upload your O-face*", but if you win, your O-face* will be featured in a national ad campaign. C'mon. Nobody wants to see that.



I'm guessing the nice people at Three-O Vodka told the female model to act like she walked into her own surprise party, and told the male model to act like he was being held up at gunpoint, giving a sad, new meaning to stick 'em up. I bet they just want everybody to think to themselves how easy it would be to win. Sneaky bastards.


*"You know what I'm talking about...O! Yeah..."

The girls are talkin', the girls are talkin'... and Bullie, you didn't disappoint!

Do you remember this post from two weeks ago? The one that ended with someone paying $29.99 for a certain item that was described to have "at one time contained the seeds of life and the future of the herd"?

To enhance the reading experience of this post, I'm going to get you in the right frame of mind, because I'm a giver like that (Double-click on either "play" arrow if you have trouble with the video):

TLC's "Girl Talk": A most appropriate song for this particular post, and pretty much my life.


Alright. I think you're ready now, or as ready as you're going to be!

I got a phone call from Anastasia Beaverhausen (Jen) the other night while I was rushing around getting dressed up. Ignoring that I was almost on my way out the door, she responded with a very Carol-Anne-from-Poltergeist-like, "It's he-ere!"!

I stopped what I was doing and knowing what the answer would be, asked, "What's here?"


And thus begins the first H.o.J. live blogging event: The un-boxing of el Saco de Toro!

THE PLAYERS: Jen, Me, El Saco De Toro, KC (Jen's 9 year-old daughter, who had a red Prada bag on her Christmas list, to which Jen replied, "First of all, young lady, you don't even know what a Prada bag is, and second of all, I DON'T EVEN OWN A PRADA BAG SO KEEP DREAMING!"), and Jax, their family's small but very amorous dog.

Jen: It's he-ere!

Me: What's here?

Jen: I waited to open it until you were on the phone... The Saco de Toro "Bullie"  is He-ere!

Me: Don't go to the light, Carol Anne! Soooo, what's your first impression?



Jen: It.............. ohmigod, it smells. It really, really smells. Like...

Me: Wait! Let me guess. It smells like balls, doesn't it?

Jen: Quick, someone get MENSA on the line!

Me: You know I totally aced their "fun test", don't you? For awhile, B. called me "Ace" because of my score. This fact totally pales in comparison to what you're now holding in your hands.

Jen: Anyway "Ace", it has some marks on it, but they said that would be the case with each one, and that these 'blemishes' are "indicative of the hardships endured by the beast", so I guess I shouldn't expect it to be pristine. Uh oh, here comes KC. This should be interesting.

KC: Gross, Mom! What is that and what is it made of?

Me: I dare you to tell her it's the new Prada bag. That'll teach her not to be a slave to fashion!

Jen: It's the new brown Prada! Hold it so I can take a picture.

KC: (clearly smart enough to know better) No, I'm not going to hold that thing! What's it made of? Tell me!

Jen: Uhhhh, animal skin.... like your boots. Hold it so I can send a picture to Julie.

KC: I'm not touching that thing. (exiting the room quickly)

Me: She doesn't have time for these foolish games! What are your other impressions of el Saco?

Jen: It has HAIR on it!

Me: What did you expect, that it would be waxed?

(Jax the love-dog walks in, sniffing around to see what's up.)

Jen: Now the dog has come in here to inspect the Saco.



Me: Animal recognizes animal. It's like us, out at the bar! Anyway, Jax is probably formulating a plan on how to get the Saco all to himself later, and get all romantic-like. Again, like us out at the bar!

Jen: This is by far the best $29.99 I've ever spent.

Me: I totally agree. What are you going to do with it now?

Jen: I have it up on a shelf, looking gorgeous. All I have to do is take care of that smell. Maybe I'll buy some dried flowers.

Me: So, what once held the "seeds of life and the future of the herd" is to be a large potpourri holder? I'm SURE the bull would be pleased.

See Jen's post on her new "purse" by clicking HERE.

Sometimes being a financially responsible adult is a total buzzkill.

Sigh.

It's Thursday, so "Business Hours are over, baby"

If you don't know what the title of this post means, please scroll down to the previous post from Sunday, and watch the Youtube video at the end called Business Time.

Hope everyone had their business socks on last night. I had plans to do the same but as I am posting this from the MacSpecialists store (emphasis on the Special) this morning, plans change. Instead, I was in a fiery rage last night, and that was the only "business" at hand.

I am almost finished designing my sister's fantastic children's book on pet loss. Before sending it to the printer, I had to upgrade my software to Adobe Creative Suites 3. Today, almost a week after spending just over "one-large" on CS3, I took my iMac in to double the RAM, a necessary evil because CS3 wasn't having the RAM I was running on. I had to wait a week to max out the RAM on my computer because I had to sell my ovaries to pay for everything and have you ever tried to heal properly after having your ovaries removed and sold on the black market? It takes longer to recover from the trauma than you'd think.

I brought it home last night after the upgrade and was ready to get down to "business" but the machine only spit out an insulting 3 beeps, and didn't bother to actually go through the usual start-up process, nor did the monitor come on. Only the fan, and those 3 beeps. I called MacSpecialists (for the record, they're usually modern day miracle-makers) and the sales guy said since it was 7:10 pm, the techs had all left already (presumably they had their "business socks" on and had people to get home to) but I could bring it back in the morning; which brings us to now.

I'm currently "banging the keyboard" (is it too early in the day for double-entendres?) on the sexiest MacBook Pro I've ever seen. This baby is smooth, and slick, and titanium and FAST (in a good way). Too bad it has to stay in the showroom. I'm a non-smoker but may just have to light one up on the way out of here anyway. I think they hand them out at the door with iMatches.

Luckily for you, I've decided to skip over all the ugliness that went on in between my phone call to MacSpecialists last night and the "morning delight" I'm experiencing right now. Poor Charissa called in the middle of my rage to discuss an episode of Sex & the City that she had just seen on DVD, the one where Smith shaves his head in solidarity with Samantha's chemotherapy-induced hair loss; probably the hottest move on earth, a man standing by his woman so steadfastly--is that even a word?--that he knows his actions will speak louder than anything he could ever say in that entirely (for her) vulnerable moment; and I couldn't even enjoy talking about it over the phone with her. A fiery rage will do that to you. Imagine, not even being able to get into a discussion on the hotness of Sex & the City's Smith Jerrod!?

Since I couldn't find that scene online anywhere, I give you the following ridiculous commercial someone in the UK was kind enough to upload to YouTube.

I don't know about you, but all I hear is what sounds like the adults in every Charlie Brown movie saying, "Waah wah waah body temperature waah waah starts to melt... uncontrollably waah wahh waah even faster in your mouth wah waaah and that, ladies, makes the pleasure even more intense." This commercial should be for a product called, 'AMEN', or 'BREAK ME OFF SOME OF THAT', don't you think?


So, the work on the book will continue a few days longer than I had anticipated, which is utterly frustrating at the end of such a long-term project. Good thing my sister has been so great about it. I hasten to say most clients would not handle it with as much grace and patience as she has. She always takes lemons & makes lemonade. For instance, last night after finding out that I'd have to take my computer back in-- pushing the book deadline back a few days-- I called to ask her if she had the number for Suicide Hotline. She didn't have the number but said that if I actually went through with it, she'd have a great subject for her next book.

Humor, people. It's in our DNA. Genetically, we CAN'T HELP IT.


It should go without saying that suicide is not funny at all.

Because spending more than $1 for a reputable product elsewhere wasn't a priority. Besides, this is where they bought the condoms.

Overheard by a remote "House of Jules" correspondent while paying the cashier for disposable foil roasting pans in one of those ".99 cents" type-of-stores. Please note that "Random shopper" is not a code name for me. I wasn't even there when this happened, but oh, how I wish I was.

Random shopper: (oblivious to the people waiting in line, says to cashier) Do you sell pregnancy tests here?

Cashier: You know you're in "The Dollar Store", right?

This is what you find when you search Google images using "Pregnancy Test Dollar Store" as keywords. Good stuff!