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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My quasi-FIL

My sister started stalking my brother-in-law like prey when they were in high school, so he's been around since I was in 11 and officially in the family by law since I was 13. With so many years of shared family history, his side of the family--though not technically my in-laws--are kinda my in-laws by proxy.

His dad is responsible for telling 2 of my favorite jokes of all time. These aren't typical jokey-jokes, but are more like little non-sequiturs that he said to me eons ago, that still make me laugh to myself whenever I think about them. I have told & retold them countless times, always saying first, "This is why I love Jim's dad..."

Sadly, in merely reading them, you're missing out on the twinkly-eyed man with a charming southern accent whispering them in your ear. Try to enjoy regardless:

"You don't know anything about how bad a bad date can be until you're the man at the square dance whose girlfriend hits the floor every time the announcer yells, "Hoedown"!"

Even though it's a little Jeff Foxworthy/Blue Collar Comedy Tour-ish (and there's no group of comedians I loathe more than those 4 dudes), I really think that is SO funny. It always puts my bad dates into perspective.

Before I type in my #1 favorite thing he's ever said, a little background. During a holiday visit about 16 years ago, he had a really bad cold and bought some cough drops that had the herbal ingredient horehound in them. The packaging enthusiastically boasted quick sore throat & cough relief, all due to this medicinal herb. They smelled really terrible, but the smell was apparently no match for the truly horrifying taste. Having shared that, I give you the #1 funniest thing Jim's dad has ever said to me, which still makes me laugh after 16 years:

"I'm sick and can't taste a thing, but it doesn't take taste buds to know that these are terrible. Someone must've already sucked all the hore out of this hound."



Melisa with one S said...

I TOTALLY forgot about the horehound. Just think! In a couple weeks you can get more adorable sayings from him!


Melisa with one S said...

and UGH! I had one too, one that I've repeated to others on many occasions just from about two years ago, and I am having an old age moment because it has totally slipped my mind. I'll be back later when I think of it.

I think it's on the same theme.

WeaselMomma said...

Hysterical! Keep my opinion in perspective though, because the Blue Collar Comedy guys crack me up.

Melisa with one S said...

Got it!

"that's as useless as tits on a boar hog!"

Apparently he's not the only one who says it, though. It's in the urban dictionary. Still funny!

Tara R. said...

What a hoot! I bet he keeps you all in stitches all the time, and how nice of 'with one S' to share her FIL.

(glad to see you got the comments fixed... =) )

The Devoted Dad said...

Those are both hillarious! Thanks for providing a laugh! - Jason

Gene said...

"that's as useless as tits on a boar hog!"

My mom says that one. I had an interesting coming of age.