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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My quasi-FIL

My sister started stalking my brother-in-law like prey when they were in high school, so he's been around since I was in 11 and officially in the family by law since I was 13. With so many years of shared family history, his side of the family--though not technically my in-laws--are kinda my in-laws by proxy.

His dad is responsible for telling 2 of my favorite jokes of all time. These aren't typical jokey-jokes, but are more like little non-sequiturs that he said to me eons ago, that still make me laugh to myself whenever I think about them. I have told & retold them countless times, always saying first, "This is why I love Jim's dad..."

Sadly, in merely reading them, you're missing out on the twinkly-eyed man with a charming southern accent whispering them in your ear. Try to enjoy regardless:


"You don't know anything about how bad a bad date can be until you're the man at the square dance whose girlfriend hits the floor every time the announcer yells, "Hoedown"!"



Even though it's a little Jeff Foxworthy/Blue Collar Comedy Tour-ish (and there's no group of comedians I loathe more than those 4 dudes), I really think that is SO funny. It always puts my bad dates into perspective.

Before I type in my #1 favorite thing he's ever said, a little background. During a holiday visit about 16 years ago, he had a really bad cold and bought some cough drops that had the herbal ingredient horehound in them. The packaging enthusiastically boasted quick sore throat & cough relief, all due to this medicinal herb. They smelled really terrible, but the smell was apparently no match for the truly horrifying taste. Having shared that, I give you the #1 funniest thing Jim's dad has ever said to me, which still makes me laugh after 16 years:

"I'm sick and can't taste a thing, but it doesn't take taste buds to know that these are terrible. Someone must've already sucked all the hore out of this hound."




****

7 comments:

Melisa Wells said...

I TOTALLY forgot about the horehound. Just think! In a couple weeks you can get more adorable sayings from him!

hahahahaha
and
waaaaaaah!

Melisa Wells said...

and UGH! I had one too, one that I've repeated to others on many occasions just from about two years ago, and I am having an old age moment because it has totally slipped my mind. I'll be back later when I think of it.

I think it's on the same theme.

WeaselMomma said...

Hysterical! Keep my opinion in perspective though, because the Blue Collar Comedy guys crack me up.

Melisa Wells said...

Got it!

"that's as useless as tits on a boar hog!"

Apparently he's not the only one who says it, though. It's in the urban dictionary. Still funny!

Tara R. said...

What a hoot! I bet he keeps you all in stitches all the time, and how nice of 'with one S' to share her FIL.

(glad to see you got the comments fixed... =) )

The Devoted Dad said...

Those are both hillarious! Thanks for providing a laugh! - Jason

Gene said...

"that's as useless as tits on a boar hog!"

My mom says that one. I had an interesting coming of age.