Last week, my friend D. & I were on the phone when somebody rang her doorbell. She asked if she could call me right back, but I was heading out and told her we'd just finish our chatting sometime this weekend. Cut to earlier this afternoon when the phone rang and her name flashing on my caller I.D.
The only other things you should know before reading any further is that for the purpose of this post, I'm referring to her husband by his first initial, which is P.; that they once had a kitchen fire so bad the local firefighters showed up; and that they live in a really small town*.
D.: "Hi! Sorry about our conversation getting cut off so quickly last time, but there was a fireman at my door, and there wasn't even a fire!"
Me: "There was one AT YOUR DOOR for no good reason? I wish they came straight to my door! I need to move to a small town."
D.: "He was about 90 years old."
Me: "Interesting. I've never thought of firemen's hotness having an expiration date. Maybe that's because I've never seen one out of my target demographic, if you know what I'm sayin'. What was he doing there, anyway?"
D.: "Selling tickets!"
Me: "To what, his antique GUN SHOW?"
D.: "HA! No, it was for their fundraiser. I ended up just giving him $10, but after he left P. came downstairs & he said, 'Ten dollars isn't enough! Remember, we had a house fire once!' But, I was just trying to think fast, so I grabbed a $10 bill."
Me: "Well, maybe that'll teach them to start sending the young, smokin' hot ones out for fundraising. I'm surprised that isn't just a given. In fact, if they sent the hot ones out wearing tearaway pants & carrying a boom box with "Leave Your Hat On" cued up they'd get more money than they could handle. Of course, it would be all dollar bills."
D.: "Yeah! If they did that, I would've yelled up to P. that he needed to stay upstairs no matter what he heard going on down here."
Me: "P. would later wonder where all the money in the savings account had gone, and you could forever sleep soundly knowing it had all been for a good cause."
D., {sighing}: "I need to bring this idea up at the next town meeting."
Me: "You're welcome."
*It's so small that once, when D. had surgery, I called the local florist in her town to get flowers delivered. When the florist answered, I mentioned that my friend D... (used her entire first name-- but FIRST name only) was healing at home after surgery & I wanted to get her a cheerful arrangement, then answered the other questions the florist had, and went on to give my payment information. As we were getting ready to hang up, I realized something important had been left out of the information exchange and said, "Wait, don't you need her last name and address?". The florist said, "Oh, don't worry. I know D. and I know where they live!"
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2 comments:
Such a small town that once, when moving, my mattress blew off of my car. I pulled over on the highway close to the town and a man in a truck pulled over to help. I said that I knew that D's parents lived in the town, but had no idea where. He did! He drove my mattress there for me and dropped it off until I could come back with a truck.
1. If they just sent around the hot firemen for fundraising, then I wouldn't feel the need to get into accidents with fire engines just to see them.
2. I took this opportunity to re-read all of the Girl Talks and I'm still crying from laughter. We are damn funny sometimes.
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