Putting the Hump in Humpday: Here's to Javier Bardem's body of work; and well, his body.

Late last night one of my friends emailed me a link with the message, "I'm so sorry to break this to you!" I gulped and then clicked on the link, which was the news that (one of) my lovah(s), Javier Bardem, married Penelope Cruz. As soon as I read the headline, I actually said, "OH NOOOOOOOOO!" out loud. I really did. Obviously, Javier has been a victim of poor timing. Had he met ME first, Penelope wouldn't even be a blip on his radar. Ah, such is life. Poor Javi.

Somewhere in my drafts is not-yet-published post on the night I saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona. That will be a post for another day; it's taken me awhile to recover. SO. HOT.

A few days ago, I read that he'll be guest-starring on Glee next season. This was hilarious to all of my "Gleek" friends because I told them at the end of last season that Glee was dead to me unless, say, someone like Javier was on the show. I never actually thought he'd be on there, but there you go. Put something out into the universe & it can happen, it really can.

In light of the recent Bardem news, I thought it was a great time to bring back this post... especially because today is Wednesday. Enjoy! I do. ;)

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There's only one man who could get away with saying, "Usted va me deja tener mi manera con usted porque soy el hombre más caliente vivo." (You're going to let me have my way with you because I'm the hottest man alive), and that man is Javier Bardem. He's never said that to me, but only because it goes without saying. Because it's only delaying the inevitable so let's just get to it, shall we? The humpday post, I mean.

In 2004, I saw the movie "Mar Adentro" (The Sea Inside); based on the real-life story of Ramón Sampedro, a Spanish ship mechanic left quadriplegic after a diving accident, who fought a 28-year campaign in support of euthanasia and his right to end his own life. I fell for Javier Bardem immediately because of his stellar performance in this movie. Yes, it was his ACTING that got me. Seriously. No, really. This is proven by the fact that for most of the movie he looked like this:


Javier Bardem as Ramón Sampedro. An old man with kind eyes, totally huggable in that sweater; but definitely not sexy.


I was captivated by him right away, and made a mental note to rent some of his other films. I thought, "He's old so he must have a ton of movies under his belt". Keep in mind that this was 2004, before everyone on the planet knew him by name, or by face for that matter. When the flashback scene of the diving accident came on, showing what Javier Bardem REALLY looked like (and what was supposed to be Sampedro's character as a young man), I just about lost my mind. You crazy film industry makeup departments! You tricked me! This man is actually smokin' hot in real life, and for about 5 minutes in this movie they let him show it:


Since I couldn't find the diving scene on YouTube, I opted for this shot from the movie's official website. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some screen licking to do. HEY-OHHH!


That was how my Javier fixation appreciation began. A few months ago, I finally decided to watch every JB movie I hadn't already seen. I looked up his "resume", which to my delight reads mostly like details from a steamy novel:


Click to enlarge. As you can see by the numbers, I cut out the films that didn't fit in with the sexy theme (for illustrative purposes only. I did WATCH the movies that were without sexy titles in addition to these!) They're all a pretty stunning testament to "taking your work home with you". Rather, taking HIS work home with ME. The only one of this list I haven't seen yet (because Netflix doesn't have it) is "Jamon, Jamon", which directly translated is "Ham, Ham". Judging by the 18 & over trailer I found on YouTube, it might as well be called "Pork, Pork". No joke. I won't link to it here but do the search on YouTube and find out for yourself. Also no joke? Me, seeing that movie, even if I have to buy it.


One of my photography teachers adopted a saying that has stuck with me since college: "When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt". I have been delaying this Hump of the Month post not only so I could watch as many Javier Bardem movies as possible (you know, for research purposes; I'm nothing if not thorough!) but also because I wanted it to be all-encompassing. I wanted it to do Javier's superb "body of work" equally as much justice as I wanted to "do justice" to his "superb body"; if you know what I'm sayin' and I think you do.

In addition, I wanted this to be informative, not a fluff piece meant only for people to drool all over their keyboards while staring at photos like this one:


I would roll around in hot cigar ashes with him anytime.


At one point I even told a friend that I wanted to do a synopsis and review of all 20 JB movies I've seen, but I'm pretty sure I made that insane declaration in the middle of watching his thriller, Between Your Legs; and by the end of that movie--with it's jaw-droppingly shocking twist-- I realized that I was a FOOL to think I could easily sum up the complexity that is Javier and his chameleon-like acting. My summation for each of his movies, without going into great detail, would sound something like this: "He blows away the competition, you should definitely see everything he's ever been in. While you're doing that, I'm going to be over here licking my TV. Look away, look away I tell you!"; and that's just not helpful to anybody. Since his work speaks for itself, who am I to interrupt?


He deserved winning the Oscar for his performance in No Country for Old Men. Don't watch it at 7a.m. on a lazy Saturday like I did, though. It's a little too early in the day for that kind of murderous rampaging.


It has been really interesting to see his movies in order of their release date; to confirm that he is a really great actor and not just a pretty face with a hot body and an intoxicating accent to boot (universe, if you're listening, please send him to my doorstep ASAP). He has done such a variety of work and really commits to his character that it was never boring. Even if it had been boring, his looks would save him; but he never has to rely on that. There's just not a downside to watching the work of someone who qualifies as The Hump of the Month, trust me.

Some of you aren't big on the subtitles thing, and to that I say, SCREW THE SUBTITLES, HE'S HOT, WATCH HIM ANYWAY he is in plenty of english-language movies, so check those out.


UGH, her again? She needs to back off of my man before I unleash the motherf**king moonwalk!


If you have a new-favorite-actor based on only seeing a few of their movies, I highly recommend immersing yourself in their work. Start at the beginning, see their evolution, watch their growth through experience. In the meantime, there's always April's Hump of the Month to enjoy, Javier Bardem. I plan to enjoy him for a LONG time.

Click HERE to watch The Sea Inside's trailer, featuring the diving scene that made me realize that Javier Bardem wasn't really an old man in a huggable sweater as the rest of the movie would suggest.

In all seriousness, this movie is in my top 10 favorites of all time; and this man is in my top 3 favorite humps of all time. He might even be Numero Uno, but don't tell Jeremy.


Red and purple are my favorite colors, he'd look PERFECT in my bedroom.

To read previous Putting the Hump in Humpday posts, click HERE.

To read everything I've ever written (publicly, anyway!) about Javier Bardem, click HERE.

Smoker or not, you may need a cigarette after.


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In the blink of an eye

Oh, boy... err, man!

THIS DUDE is 18 today. EIGHTEEN.

I can't even put into words how stellar it is to have him & his brother in my life... so I won't even try.

I've been photographing him since the minute he was born (literally) and yet, I don't know where the time went.





Happy birthday to you, Sparks! Your presence is truly a gift to ME (and everyone around you). You have made my life infinitely better, just by being in it.


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The Sad Vuvuzela (#SadVuvuzela) is now "a thing"!

On Monday, I wondered to myself (and to anyone following me on Twitter):


You know, like the sad trombone. Wah-waaaaaah!


I didn't find anything online, but I kept it going on Twitter whenever it was appropriate:




Not quite a "sad" vuvuzela reference, but a fun one all the same.


Then, today I had to go to the place I bought my tires earlier this year because I had a flat that needed repairing. I sent out this tweet:




...and then these back & forth tweets between @JWiltshire & I:








So, your wish is my command:

The Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela IS A THING! OUTSIDE OF TWITTER! AT YOUR DISPOSAL!

Sad (or any emotion, really) Vuvuzela

See what happens when you follow me on Twitter? I can make your wishes come true*!

Click HERE to follow me if you aren't already!



*Sometimes


sound source
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Fiesta, forever!

Lionel Richie wrote a song about occasions like this: Today is my boo Will's birthday!

Please read my previous birthday post to him HERE so you can get a feel for his awesomeness! It'll open in another window so you can come right back to this afterward. Seriously, go read it. DO IT.

He's great, right? Of course he is. The guy TOTALLY gets me & I couldn't adore him more.

Last weekend I went to another friend's wedding and put up a Facebook status letting everyone know what I was up to at the reception. There were a handful of funny responses, but his got right to the heart of the matter:


My status update on one of the greatest songs* of all time, and Will's response.

Love him! I know he would've been right there with me, heckling the band. The two of us could've wrestled the microphone away from the singer & performed the song as a duet. We could easily entertain a crowd. How many times can bands play, "From This Moment"? C'mon, wedding bands! Spice that shit up and take some unorthodox requests.

Back to Will: He's currently in D.C. getting his education on (now I'm just typing stuff in to crack MYSELF up), and you can read my post about that HERE. Don't miss it because your life will get exponentially better after seeing the picture of him ON A DING DONG, also known as my favorite photo OF ALL TIME! No joke. Click to read now & thank me later.

Now that you know enough about him to fully enjoy the rest of this post--and there will be a test at the end so don't cheat or everyone will know--I'll bring you up to a couple of months ago, when I wanted to sent him a surprise package full of things to help him survive all that studying** he's doing at the library.

I bought a bunch of small items, including:

• Highlighters
• Post-It notes
• Fun writing pens
• Notation clips for his textbooks
• Mini Chicago playing cards
• Snacks (nutsnacks, etc... HA!)
• Lots of candy
• Little plastic toys like whistles & kazoos
• Magnets (1 from a roadtrip to Tennessee and one with a skull & banner that says, "A Pirate's Life" just because whenever I thought about it being on his fridge, I'd literally laugh out loud)
• Party poppers (those bottle-popping confetti things)
• A shot glass

...and most importantly:

• Assorted mini-liquor bottles
• Tylenol

The pile of goodness all laid out:

Then, I shoved it ALL in this piñata and shipped it off:

It was so much fun putting this together for him, and he loved it. He was even going to keep the donkey around & give it a name. Now, THAT'S love.

Happy birthday, Will! You're the best!

*Unskinny Bop's totally-appropriate-for-a-wedding-reception video & lyrics:


My favorite line: "Like gasoline you wanna pump me". Pure poetry, baby.

Unskinny Bop by Poison
What's got you so jumpy? Why can't you sit still, yeah?
Like gasoline you wanna pump me
And leave me when you get your fill, yeah

Every time I touch you honey you get hot
I want to make love you never stop
Come up for air you push me to the floor
What's been going on in that head of yours?

(chorus)
Unskinny bop, just blows me away
Unskinny bop bop. All night and day
Unskinny bop bop bop bop, She just loves to play
Unskinny bop , nothin' more to say

You look at me so funny
Love bite go you acting oh so strange
You got too many bees in your honey
Am I just another word in your page, yeah, yeah

(chorus)

You're sayin' my love won't do ya, but that ain't love written on your face
Well honey I can see right through ya
We'll see whose ridin' who at the end of the race

What's right? What's wrong? What's left?
What the hell is going on?


**Not a euphemism, but it totally should be

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Truths in Word Verification

This is what we called some* of the cheerleaders in high school:

What?! In some places**, it'd be considered a term of endearment!



*Which means, NOT ALL.
**Places like, maybe, HERE?


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Winnebago Man

I'm not just a movie junkie, I'm also a documentary freak. I think the idea of documentaries makes some people turn up their noses because they equate it with SNOOZEFEST. I always say that if you like reality TV, you'll probably like documentaries. Sure, some are better or more interesting than others, but I can honestly say I've never seen one that I didn't like or learn something from.

I've known about Jack Rebney for a couple of years, after seeing one of the videos of his Winnebago commercial bloopers on YouTube. They are absolute tear-jerkers. You will laugh until you cry, which is one of the greatest things to do with your time. Or, rather, with mine.

Imagine my delight when I heard someone made a documentary about him!

The dude swears like a trucker, so if you have sensitivities about that, don't bother watching this trailer.

"I don't want any more bullshit from anyone, that includes me!"

Oh, it's glorious, isn't it?

I'm counting the days until July 9th.

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Going Postal

I love the people who work at my local post office. I really do. I mean, I love them, but I'm not IN LOVE with them. You get what I'm saying. The guys who work at the counter know me by name, which is quite endearing, and also helpful when there's a long line. They know that if I need to mail anything or buy stamps, I'll use the machine in the lobby, so if I'm in line it means I need to pick something up. After seeing me, and in between customers, they dip in the back to get the package, nod in my direction and hand it off to me, without saying anything besides, "Hi Julie! Here you go!"

It's pretty bad ass.

Once I had a huge box to mail and the machine wasn't working. Luckily, it wasn't busy that day so my friend & I were up to the counter in no time. My favorite counter guy greets me by name and we all chat as he's getting the box ready to ship for me. I ask about his grandkids and he asks me about my travels. As my friend & I walk back to my car, I said, "Isn't he the best? THAT'S how I like my postal workers!" and she replied, "Are you kidding? That's how I like my EVERYBODY!"

Such a good point. She's right. That's how I like my everybody, too.


Cut to today. I get one of those orange slips in my mailbox, telling me that there's a box for me at the post office. I see the mailman walking down the sidewalk delivering more mail. His truck is parked near my car, so I decide to wait outside for a few minutes to see if I can just get the box from him before he leaves with it.

On his way back, I see that it's not my regular postal delivery guy. He still greets me with a super-friendly smile & I hold up my orange slip, asking if it'd be ok to just give me the package or if I'd have to wait until the next day to pick it up at the post office.

As he opens the back of his truck to get it for me, this is how the conversation went (with a man I've never met before):

Postman: "You like eating hibachi?"

Me (not knowing where he's going with that question):"Uh, sure. Who DOESN'T like hibachi?"

Postman: "There's this great place downtown. It's called _________ (names the place). Ever been there?"

Me (STILL not knowing where he's going, but not wierded out): "I don't think so. Sounds familiar, though."

Postman: "We went there the other night, had steak & lobster. I got the $10 off birthday discount. See, most people don't even realize at ________( names the place) they'll give you a birthday discount. But they do. I like tellin' people that because we got steak AND lobster and they STILL gave us $10 off. You should have your boyfriend take you there on your birthday. It'll be our little secret."

Me (now understanding where he was going, and am utterly charmed by his enthusiasm in general): "Wow, I totally will. Happy birthday to you!"

Postman (winking): "Oh, it wasn't really my birthday!"

I love my local postal workers. I really, really do...

...and I'm looking forward to finding who my boyfriend will be in October so I can get the $10 birthday discount.


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Me & my underutilized uterus are doing more than fine!

Sometimes I wonder if I'll have kids of my own. I can count on one hand the times in my life that I have felt a little uterus pang regarding this topic, so it's not something that I feel like I'm missing out on. I leave it up to fate, because while I'd love having a healthy, committed, long-term relationship with a man (do those still exist?), I don't need my own kids to round that out or to make me feel "whole".

I'm sure a huge part of not having an insatiable need for my own kids is because I can't imagine bringing anyone better into this world than my 2 nephews, and trust me when I tell you that I've never said anything more truthful than that. They're such good, fun-loving, smart, interesting, sometimes challenging (in a good way) people.

They're totally different from each other (and somewhat indifferent TO each other, but they'll grow out of that) just like their mom & I were at their ages-- and both, in their own ways, tremendous young men who have made my life... well, that's just it: THEY'VE MADE MY LIFE.

So, if I never have kids of my own, it's okay. For real.

Case in point:

Click to enlarge.

Obviously, my nephew Jason (15) has incredible taste. Dylan (17) does, too, but he hasn't seen that status update yet. Also, they have more than one aunt, so it's not an empty/brown nose-y compliment. That ish is REAL.

Beat that, mothertruckers. Oh, wait. You can't. ;)

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Help a Seestor out!

When thinking about my favorite people, my college roommate Emily, her siblings, and their spouses dominate the list. Lucky for me, I've been symbolically adopted by the lot of them and taken my rightful place among them as a "Seestor"! Make no bones about it, this is a big deal to me. Every person in their family is crush-worthy. I get woozy when I'm around more than 2 of them at once. This is no joke as they make up a huge group of people. HUGE. Remember that show, Eight is Enough? Well, Emily's parents didn't think so! It's a good thing they had more than 8 kids because Emily is the 2nd youngest. I'm really glad they didn't stop with Em because one of my favorite memories includes the "baby" in the family: Seestor Amy.

Oh, darling Amy! She officially became one of our college group of peeps when she stayed at our off-campus house a week before Emily's 21st birthday. The timeline is only important in that there may have been a run-in with the police, who were doing I.D. checks at our favorite little bar in town, and there may have been people running away on foot from the police and some of those people may have been caught. There may have even been a fundraiser to pay for the tickets issued for underage drinking and running the eff away from the scene. That's a story for another day, though. Oh man, is it ever a story! I mean, maybe it's a story and maybe it's not. Could be, or I could be making it up. But I'm not, so keep that between us.


Amy & Emily, at Em's wedding. This isn't their mugshot. Not that they have one.


Joking aside, I'm really writing this post for a serious reason. One of their older sisters, Nancy, got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis fourteen years ago. I remember being in our living room at college with Emily when she got the news. It was devastating. Nancy is an incredible person. Perhaps without intending to be, she's also an inspiration to not only her whole family, but to everyone around her, including the adopted seestor typing in this blog post (me!).

Every year since Nancy was diagnosed, Amy has been raising money towards a cure for Multiple Sclerosis by getting pledges for her participation in the annual Walk MS. It was something she could do to really show support for her seestor.

This disease does not discriminate: Nearly two years ago, in May 2008, Amy was also diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

In her own words:

I wondered where my donations went, what I was REALLY walking for, and if the MS Society REALLY utilized their money/resources wisely, since Nancy was not getting any better.

Then with my diagnosis came the answer...there was immediate assistance from the Society guiding me through each step of the process of now living with MS. All of that monetary help from every sibling, friend, spouse or loved one of someone with MS revealed itself. It was in the financial assistance of my medication; the check-ups from RNs on a regular basis; and the continuous support of people who truly understand all that I'm going through now.

I want to do something for the people who have been diagnosed and because I want to do everything to prevent more people from learning what it means to live with this disease. Today, there is no cure for MS, but hopefully with the support from you, we'll be that much closer to finding a cure!

Nancy, was diagnosed with MS... to everyone's surprise. She has shown amazing strength and determination in battling her illness, so I had a guide as to how to deal with adversity. I've been relying on her example when dealing with my own illness; I can only hope that I'm making her proud.

Nancy & Amy. You make ALL of us proud!


This year, I'm joining their team & walking with them! Seestors are flying in from all over: Emily from California, their sister Debbie from Boston and I think a few others, too (they have a big family)! Some of our college friends will be there as well and I'm looking forward to being a part of this positive movement towards a cure.

Just as they did last year, Nancy and Amy have inspired me to offer the following:

Everyone who donates $10 or more to our Walk MS team before the end of April will get a one of my photographs (your choice, see the teaser shots below) FOR FREE. They'll eventually be for sale for in my as-yet-completed Etsy store for... more than that.

If you donate $25, I'll send you 2 photographs of your choice. I'll ship them right to your door, at ZERO cost to you.

If you donate more than that, I'll totally make out with you! Just kidding. Or maybe not. Let's just say: expect it when you least expect it.

Mother's Day is coming up, you know. Someone you love is about to have a birthday. You deserve a little something! A beautiful photograph would be perfect for this occasion, don't you think?

Go on, click HERE and give up some cash for my beautiful seestors Nancy & Amy, and for everyone else affected by Multiple Sclerosis. I have less than 3 weeks to make my goal, and really need your help!

E-mail me after you've donated (or leave a comment) with your information and donation amount so we can get this whole thing rolling.

All of the following images ©HouseofJulesPhotography. All rights reserved. Ahem, please don't steal.

Mini-Gallery:

All images ©HouseofJulesPhotography. All rights reserved. Ahem, please don't steal.

CLICK TO DONATE HERE!!

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Heavy Things

Infidelity is not okay.


Domestic violence is not okay.


Acceptance of either is a crime against yourself.


Speak up. Get help. Get out.



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