This is more a need than a want

I haven't seen Star Wars in at least 20 years, but man, oh man... I really want need one of these hanging in my living room:


Note the hairless cat!


I've already e-mailed the artist Maya Gohill to see how much prints will be. In the meantime, I'm looking for people interested in buying one of my kidneys, just in case it comes to that.

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Worth 1000 Words

Or a gajillion dollars, not sure which.




As a child addict of Smokey & The Bandit and Cannonball Run movies, the awesomeness of this image is pretty much the only thing getting me through the past 2 weeks.


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The best part is that I will never have to laser them off

In case you didn't know this, I'm a graphic designer at a small Chicagoland firm; and work Monday-Thursdays, unless we're up against a project deadline and they need me to come in on Friday (which only happens a handful of times through the year because we're a well-oiled machine, and good at getting our work done). I love the people I work for and I would be an idiot to ever complain about my job because there simply is nothing to whine about. The commute is even an unheard of 7-minute drive from where I live, which was a welcome change after commuting over an hour each way in the jobs of years past.

Last week, because we were closed Christmas Eve and Day, I only had to go into the office on Wednesday and Thursday. According to my inbox (and thanks to the best business owners/bosses on the planet), I have the same rough schedule next week as well:


The monotony of another 5-day holiday weekend. Sigh.


I'm going to try really hard to deal with this terrible, horrifying news. While I sit around crying and yelling to the heavens: "WHY, GOD, WHY?", I thought you should see the only thing getting me through these hard times:


Maybe they're not your flavor like they are mine. If they are, though; and if you are having a hard time dealing with looking into your future and wondering how you'll manage long work-weeks, you can score your own pair at Zappos.com

Even though I love the art and history of the tattoo, I am thankful I opted to love my skin-as-it-is a lot more. Because of that, I don't have "Padre Island, Spring Break '93!" inked on my lower back or a Mickey's Big Mouth malt liquor bottle on my hip (and the regret that goes along with either of those options) like some of my college friends do.

Maybe I can't wear the Vans outside today because it has been snowing baseball-sized flakes for the past 3 hours, but you bet your sweet ass I'm wearing them around inside. Like tattoos, the shoes aren't for everyone... but when I saw them online I actually squealed. Less like a pig and more like a school girl, by the way. A school girl who has a 6-pack of Mickey's Big Mouths and 5 snow days ahead of her.


Just kidding about the 6-pack of Mickey's, but back in the day.... ohhhhh, back in the day!

Kinda like when Britney Spears kissed Madonna, but without the tongues...

...and hopefully without all that spandex & lace

Lately it's been very exciting around here at the House of Jules because in each of the last 4 weeks, I've had some really fun things happen as a direct result of this blog. The most recent thing is that H.o.J. was chosen as the featured "Wander of the Week" from the Taj Wanders website. I'm very honored to be her "Wander of the Week"! Now the pressure is really on for me to be an entertaining host... I have a rep to protect!

Click the image below to enlarge/read her write-up:


A virtual PDA! Swoon!

Thanks to all of you for coming back here to read, comment and keep me company! Keep telling all of your friends to join us. Lurkers, de-lurk yourselves! Let's continue our rolling dialogue, and remember this: Mi casa is always su casa.

The previous very-exciting-H.o.J. experiences (in case you missed them!):
1) My in-depth & soul-revealing interview with infamous blogger MANIC!
2) My email of appreciation from a best-selling author!
3) My cautionary tale got picked to be on a special Halloween website

Big ups to reader Dawn for letting me know about Taj's website!

Now all that's left to do is wait for the e-mail from Javier Bardem. He's probably typing it up right now, or maybe he's ordering me some flowers.

After Wednesday's post, I got an email from the gentleman who created the drool-worthy Transit Maps of the World book, Mark Ovenden. Not only is he very talented in design and cartography, but he's also good at crafting a hilarious e-mail!


You're not alone, Mark! People always marvel at my ability to drool effervescently on such diverse subjects.


After recovering from a fit of laughter, I wrote him back:


Let it be known to one and all that I take very seriously both the studies and appreciation of graphic design and spanish hunkology. I've been kind of a trailblazer in that realm for a long time and I don't think people give me enough credit for it, to be honest.**

**Just kidding, people give me PLENTY of credit, or shall I say "crédito".

CLICK HERE for Wednesday's post that Mark refers to in his e-mail to me.

Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich!

The point of today's post isn't to tell you about a strange movie. I'm opening with writing about a strange movie merely as a base to help you understand what watching a presentation on the latest computer technology actually did to my brain. Stick with me through the movie explanation to get the full-bang-for-your-buck pay off at the end!


Being John Malkovich, 1999

The movie Being John Malkovich was one of those borderline art films that people either loved or loathed. In case you've never seen it, here is a very brief intro to what the movie is about:

One day, file clerk Craig Schwartz (John Cusack) accidentally discovers a hidden door behind a filing cabinet that leads down a dank tunnel. This tunnel, in actuality, is a birth canal-like portal into the head of actor John Malkovich. Whoever crawls into this portal gets to experience 15 minutes of living inside the body of the famed actor.

Schwartz’s co-worker, Maxine (Catherine Keener), turns this discovery into a capitalist venture and begins charging people $200 a pop to experience life through the Malkovich-cam. Malkovich (playing himself in the movie) uncovers this "amusement ride" enterprise and demands they cease operation and close up the portal. Malkovich decides to enter the portal himself to see what the draw is, and things quickly go haywire from there.

I'm a big fan of art and independent films, but I didn't like it at all, with the exception of these 2 things that made me LOVE it:

1). Until seeing that movie, I was in disbelief that it was possible to ugly-up Cameron Diaz to a completely unrecognizable degree, which gave me the kind of sick satisfaction that only people who aren't naturally 99% legs and teeth can relate to--and for the record, that is most of the people in the universe, besides the aforementioned Cameron Diaz and her equally blond & leggy counterpart in the Screen Actor's Guild, Charlize Theron.


I bet at first glance you didn't even recognize this as Cameron Diaz from her role in Being John Malkovich. Even now, I'm still sickly satisfied with her looking like this.

It should be noted that I feel ok writing about this because after we saw the movie together, my friend Steve told me in a completely serious way that sometimes he secretly wished Brad Pitt would, "get into a mildly disfiguring car accident because his flawless beauty was too much to be of this earth, and it could not, under any circumstances, be trusted. It's true that we were in a dimly-lit booth in one of our favorite Greenwich Village bars, enjoying tropical drinks and sing-along show tunes when he confessed such a thing, but no matter. The point is that I totally get what Steve was saying.


2). The only other thing that made me really love the movie (and what has most to do with the rest of this post, so pay attention here, people!) is the scene when John Malkovich decides to enter the portal to HIS OWN HEAD. The scene is only one minute long, but has remained possibly the strangest thing I've ever seen on film or in life. It is both disturbing and fascinating (kind of like Brad Pitt's looks, according to Steve!):

"Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich!" Because, see, he took a portal to the inside of his OWN head. Based on these results, I suggest you steer clear of this kind of thing if given the chance.


So now that you have that background information, you will understand exactly what I felt like when I watched the following T.E.D. presentation, and how I suddenly felt the need to say, "Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich". This level of technology is the definition of mindblowing, and will I think, excite everyone who sees it because it makes clear that the computer masterminds of the world are working to make this available to the masses.

I'm no fool and realize that you're going to hesitate before deciding whether or not to click the play button on this, but I must insist because if this presentation could make an audience full of genius programmers gasp out loud and give a standing ovation, it will surely impress the cynic in you. I was amazed from the very start, but at around 4 minutes into this presentation, with the introduction of Photosynth? THAT IS WHERE MY BRAIN CRACKED WIDE OPEN. This whole thing so cool that I won't even bother trying to describe it any further, just click play and watch for yourself:

Still, I'm holding out for the Snozzberries

The geniuses at the New Orleans-based Flavor Paper have brought to life something I never thought possible: Scratch-n-Sniff wallpaper!


B-a-n-a-n-a-s, Cherries Forever, and Tutti Frutti only "scratch" the surface of Flavor Paper's incredible wallpaper offerings.

True, this might be something better off left to Willy Wonka's imaginings ("The snozzberries taste like snozzberries..."), but still, I'm intrigued. If you're looking for other creatively kick-ass wallpaper--with or without fruitastic smells-- this is the place to go. They'll even send you samples!

In addition to this fruit line, they've done some really innovative things in the world of wallpaper design, all infinitely cooler than the cloud mural I had on the walls of my childhood bedroom.

I'm famous, but without the 2-hour stint in a women's correctional facility or rehab, also without the trust fund

Ooooh, okay... so I'm not famous at all.

Today (Friday) is a big day because it's the last weekday of summer vacation before D&J--my hilarious and charming nephews--have to go back to school. To send summer off with a bang, Missy & I are taking them to a couple of old school Chicago classics: Superdawg and Original Rainbow Cone. Both places are out of the way, and also far apart-- but the last Friday of summer is a big deal, so we're going to go have a blast despite the heat, the rain and the traffic.

Missy asked me a few days ago if I had any suggestions of places to go in between the dogs and before the cones, and I spent a good hour doing searches on several chicago-centric travel sites until it hit me: E-mail the geniuses at Chicagoist, one of my daily read-it-like-it's-a-religion websites. If anyone could give us some great ideas, they were the ones to ask.

On Tuesday, I emailed about 10 people on staff directly, but didn't hear anything back. I was surprised that not one of them responded, even just to tell me that they didn't come up with anything either, or that in the future if I want to get some answers maybe I should email people with a little more lead-time because the world does not revolve around me and I shouldn't expect society to bend at my every little whim.

Here's my very-short-notice email request to Chicagoist:

Dear Chicagoist geniuses:
My sister & I are taking my nephews to 2 special places in Chicago in 2 days-- their last Friday of the summer before school starts. We're hitting Superdawg (the original location: 6363 N Milwaukee Ave, 60646) and then heading to Rainbow Cone (9233 S Western Ave, 60620).

We live in the Naperville area and since both those places are not only kind of a hike in traffic but they're also far apart, we are hoping you have any ideas of things we can do in between the 2 places. I've already done a few internet searches but am having trouble finding anything that would be on the way from Superdawg to Rainbow Cone.... and heading us towards home.

The boys are 12 & 15, so if there are any fun shops/activities you can think of, that would be great. They love quirky places like Uncle Fun. Any help/ideas you have would be MUCH appreciated!

Turns out that I absolutely CAN expect society to bend at my every whim, even at the last minute; and that I was a fool to have doubted the Chicagoist staff for an instant because today they actually posted my email on the site with several suggestions, and some readers also commented, leaving even more ideas. Just one of the many reasons I love my city.

I love you, too, Chicagoist geniuses. Please don't get upset when I take ALL the credit for your last minute hard work & research when my 12 & 15 year old nephews tell us how much fun they had on the last Friday before going back to school. Since I'm the "cool" aunt I have a reputation to protect, especially now that I'm famous.

Click here to see their suggestions.

Speaking of Balls...

If you're in the tri-state area and want something fun to do tonight, you should head to Miller Park and watch the Milwaukee Brewers play the New York Mets. The most important part of the game will be at the very beginning though, because my good friend Todd is going to throw the ceremonial first pitch! We're all VERY excited about this, and know he'll do a tremendous job. I have no doubt that he'll be discovered there and before you know it will be a pro-ball player himself.

Todd happens to be the husband of one of my oldest (timeline, not age-wise) friends, "Scooter". She was supposed to be with him on the baseball field, undoubtedly wearing some adorable Brewer maternity gear, but she's been put on bed rest for now-- in an effort to keep those twins in the oven until closer to her actual September due date.

I'm sure at game time she'll put on one of those big foam fingers and will cheer her man on from home, though. She might even start her own one-person-carrying-two-babies version of the wave while she's at it. They're supportive of each other like that.


I took this photo at their wedding several years ago. Don't expect him to wear the tux tonight, it's a little formal for the occasion.


The first reason to go to the Brewers game tonight is to see Todd pitch. The second reason is to see the famous "Incredible Edible Sausage" race. That's what she said.

Anyway, GO TODD!