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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

So you can prepare yourselves for Wednesday

Think of today's post as the warm-up (pun intended) for tomorrow's Hump of the Month post featuring my boyfriend, the SMOKIN' HOT Javier Bardem* (Mr. Leather-Smoke-and-Berries himself!); which I have been doing research on forever. You can see proof of that if you scroll down the page to my I JUST WATCHED... section in the sidebar. I have Netflix'd Javier movie after Javier movie (7 so far, not including the ones I've already seen him in), and I still have 3 more coming my way. Most of these movies feature him all sexy and manly and speaking espaƱol; showcasing his best features... and if you don't already know which features are his best ones, they are: ALL OF THEM

In short, it has been torturous to put myself through these long hours of watching him on my TV, in addition to all the quality time we spend together when he comes over, but it is the length to which I dedicate myself to the Humpday post every month. I do it for you. You're welcome.

So, in that same theme of hot international heat; here is a 3-minute video of someone eating a Bhut Jolokia chili from India, which is the world's hottest pepper. You have to watch this until the end (there's no puking!). His running dialogue and vivid descriptions are cringe-worthy and hilarious (but mostly cringe-worthy). This dude has balls and a sense of humor; neither of which do him any good when the world's hottest pepper unleashes the motherf**king moonwalk:

Double click on either play arrow if you have trouble with the video.

You should now be prepared for the hotness that will be tomorrow's "Putting the Hump in Humpday" post.

*Don't feel the need to mention fish-face's Penelope Cruz's supposed involvement with my boyfriend. I know the press makes it seem like she's dating Javier, but this is a lie perpetuated merely to sell movie tickets. It's sad, really.


Jen said...

What does Mr. Piven think of you escapades with Mr. Bardem???

House of Jules said...

@Jen: Clearly you didn't watch the video of the guy eating the pepper, because I swear you would have had other questions come to mind than the one about my husband Pivs. I'll humor you, though, and answer it anyway:
Jeremy is cool with the Bardem thing not only because I'm a lot of woman for one man, but because he takes his MOTHER to Every. Damn. Award. Show. and I've never made an issue of that. Therefore, I get to have my boys on the side. The day you see me at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party is the day I am no longer shacking up with Javier (and the others).

The [Cherry] Ride said...

OK, that video was the funniest thing I'v seen in awhile. Favorite parts: When he says "Oooh - the heat gets ya right away!" (I think I'm going to incorporate that line into my daily conversations.) and when he compares the experience of eating the pepper to giving birth.

Also, you have nothing to be concerned about re: Penelope. She's a lesbian.

Melisa said...

The pepper video reminded me of a Christopher Guest movie.

stacey said...

I actually threatened to unleash the motherf**king moonwalk this morning, and I got - "What's the moonwalk?" Stick a knife through my heart right now.

P.S. Great makeup job on the pepper guy!

Jen said...

OK, I admit: I didn't watch the pepper video before I commented on Mr. Pivs. But now that I have seen one of the funniest videos EVER, I have to comment on a few things.

Let me first have my Beavis moment: He said, "I can feel it in the back of throat," and "I swallowed it, which I probably shouldn't have done!" Ha!!!

Second: comparing eating a chili pepper to child birth? Please, I'd much rather have a kid than eat one of those nasty things.

Third: @Cherry, I agree with you about Penelope. Remember she did date Tom Cruise, one of the gayest men in Hollyweird for 3 years.

Spammon said...

Holy crapola! That was hilarious! I can only imagine how hot that pepper is, and he only ate the tip. Everyone knows the real nasty stuff is where the seeds are. Count me out!

Rob said...

Now Jules, I think it is very unkind of you to refer to Penelope as fish faced. I mean *everyone* knows she is horse faced, I mean DUH! I think she and Sarah Jessica Parker should get together (hitched?) and with just a *little* gene splicing their offspring could be the greatest racehorse since Secretariat!

House of Jules said...

@CherryRide: "Oooh- The heat gets ya right away" reminded me of Fargo. Great point on Penelope, though even if she was into dudes, she would never get Javier out of my clutches long enough to matter.

@SistaMista: TOTALLY!

@Stace: You're in Cabo right now so I don't even have to respond to your comment but I will anyway. I hope you're practicing your moonwalk on the beach. And that if you run into Sammy Hagar you'll give him my number like I asked you to.

@Jen: You forgot one of my favorites, "It's coming in waves now". HA!

@Spammon: I am shocked that a silly little hot pepper would freak you out so much, since it doesn't come close to comparing with the PYP's you come up with.

@Rob: I guess I should have specifically referred to her fish-MOUTH. You're so right about her face, though.

Linds said...

I have never heard of a Bhut Jolokia before. Now I know to stay away from them.

My favorite part was when he mentioned having a contraction {hahahahaha}... and of course seeing his face at the end. I do feel for the guy, but I laughed my ass off!