Viva la Free Download!

Last week I got Nine Inch Nail's latest single as a free download through the official NIN website. Today, and today only, Coldplay is offering the new single, Violet Hill, for free as well. Get it HERE, under "song". I hope more artists continue this trend.


Don't click on this image, click on the hotlink above.

That's the last time THESE two party together!

I have a hunch that just before the injury, Ms. Temple was heard yelling, "Lindsay, stop ordering me around... and put down that claw-cracker! How many times do I have to say I'M NOT A LOBSTER, you idiot!"

Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood, Rebecca De Mornay is getting felt up by painted ladies*

Tom Cruise did a great job convincing everyone he was batsh*t crazy after jumping on Oprah's couch in 2005, and I was among those taking bets on what his comedown would be like. After Suri was born, I did the calculations (counting backwards on my fingers), and it's possible that he was amped because he just found out Katie was knocked up, which they had to keep secret. Even though he was on Oprah 10 months earlier, it's still possible. Right? What does anyone do when they have to keep an exciting secret to themselves? Jump on Oprah's couch and act insane enough to scare a worldwide audience of millions, duh! Anyway, it looks like he's going back on her show in May to celebrate the 25 year anniversary of Risky Business.




I hastily (because time is money as Lana would probably say) threw together this photoshop collage to show my prediction of what his upcoming appearance will look like. I can only hope that during the actual show, Bob Seger will be singing "Old Time Rock 'n Roll" from the side of the stage:


Don't try to take him to a disco, indeed.

...

*The headline of this post might be funny (or not!), but it's no joke. See?


Oh Becky, there really is no excuse for this.

You are, literally, the sunshine of my life

A Ben Sunshine-y day in Puerto Rico

Happy Birthday, Benny!
I don't know why it took 26 years for our lives to intersect, but it did. I heard about and saw photos of you for several years before we actually met, though. Your devoted "bowling wife" had so many stories to tell, and ended each one by telling me how much I would just love love love you when she introduced us.


A Sunshine & a Shoni

Luckily, we finally did get to meet during one of my trips back to NYC way back when. When planning my visit, Shoni insisted that no matter what night of the week I flew in on, I couldn't leave until Monday so that I would get to go to Sunday night bowling at Chelsea Piers. We clicked immediately, and I'm so happy to have had you in my life for all of this time (thanks, Shoni!)!


Check out the color of your tongue! Wonder how it got so red? (Looks like blurry-faced Eric is wondering the same!)


Ahh, here is the source of the red tongue!


Photographic evidence of the best New Year's Eve thus far, and I'm not just saying that because Dr. Jason's ass is resting in my hands (which it has an open invitation to do any day of the year).

Thoughts of you are of the kindest and most open person on the planet. Thoughts of the kindest and most open person on the planet are of YOU. You're it. It's you. There is an unmistakable warmth about you that cannot be duplicated. People have tried and failed, believe me. I have met the impostors, and they will never get it right no matter how hard they try.


Your bowling wife, her boyfriend Chris (Wait a minute! How did she get so lucky? She can't just go around claiming all the best men! Well, at least she shares), me and you; at Barrage, NYC.

She was right about love love loving you, I really do. I'm not alone in that, though, since everyone who meets you feels the same way. Truthfully, we're all just a bunch of planets revolving around you, Mr. Sunshine. YOU ARE YOUR NAME! xoxoxo

Proof that the ability to HOLD your liquor is not in direct relation to the size of your mitts

Jessica Simpson could show a lot of jazz with those hands.

Weekend Girl Talk, Part 4: Even our years researching Chaos Theory* couldn't prepare us for this depth of scientific analysis

The fact that I had a 2:30 a.m. debate on the lyrics to a certain song currently being played ad nauseum on every radio station and cable music channel should tell you what kind of weekend** I had.

Me: The lyrics to that song are NOT "Let me rub my face all around your waist". I'm pretty sure she says something about wrapping her thighs around his waist... though I will admit that after hearing it a million times, it DOES start to sound like she wants to rub her face in that general area. From now on I will be singing it your way, especially when the car windows are open at crowded intersections.

JC: Nice! There's nothing I hear in the lyrics about her wrapping her thighs around anything, though. It's definitely all about her FACE and where she plans on rubbing it.

Me: Do you actually think that woman rubs her face in or around anybody's lower region? She probably has someone on her payroll take care of those specific duties on her behalf; she will not mess up her hair & makeup for that. Have you forgotten that she's an original certified VH-1 Diva, circa '88?


JC: Really listen to it though! {cranking the volume and proceeding to break down the song for me like our lives depend on it} See, she wants someone to touch her body so she can then rub her face all up on his waist, which as far as I'm concerned is the natural progression of things, anyway. You know I'm right about this.

Me: This woman hits nearly inaudible high notes, which seem to be directly related to pressing a magic button inside of her left ear***, for a living. She probably spends millions preserving her throat with industrial humidifiers in hermeticially sealed rooms. The only thing she's rubbing her face all up on are butterflies made out of sparkly diamonds.

*Whoever figures out the connection to the singer in question and chaos theory in the comments is the gold-star reader of the day.

**My favorite kind, of course. I mean, hello? There was a 2:30 a.m. debate on song lyrics!

***You have to click on that hotlink and witness the hard work someone put into cutting together clips of the aforementioned high notes. It's truly a masterpiece. Warning: If your computer speakers are anywhere near a window, you better make sure it's made of shatter-proof glass.


Want more Weekend Girl Talk? Here's PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3.

For everyone (and everyone you know) who has a dog in Milwaukee... this one's for you!

Awhile back, I came to the end of a long process of growing out my hair to donate to Locks of Love. The minimum required for a donation is a 10" tip-to-tip ponytail, which is a lot of hair to chop all at once. Since I didn't want to end up bald, I knew I had to take someone with me who I could trust to ensure that my head wouldn't end up as somebody's "special art project".

I knew immediately my friend of 20 years, Sue, would be up to the task, and she came along happily. Just before the scissor-wielding stylist started the first sawing actions through my thick ponytail, Sue unexpectedly whipped out a ruler and measured several times to confirm it was the right length, because as much as she knows that donating hair for kids with medical hair loss is a great cause, she also knows that I don't ever want to look like a dude.

There isn't anyone I trust more with my hair and more importantly, with my life. The point of this post is to announce that after many years of dreaming about it, she has started her own professional* dog walking service, and she'd love to add your pet(s) to her important client list! It goes without saying that if I had a dog and lived in Wisconsin, I would hire her in a heartbeat.

Click HERE to get to her website. Please pass along this information to every dog-owner you know in and around the Milwaukee area, suburbs included!




*She's professional, which takes the pressure off of your dog.

You're STILL putting the Grrrrr...

in Swinger!

Finally! A product Meatloaf & Tiffany won't endorse*

My old friend Taj (you may recall her being the "Britney" to my "Madonna", without all the tongue) is back on the grid after some time away, which is excellent news.

Disclaimer: The "Taj Wanders" link below is not for the easily offended or those without a sense of humor, but if you've been reading HOJ for any amount of time, that doesn't apply to you. Therefore, it's not for those of you with a boss or children nearby. You have been warned:

It might be a joke commercial but whoever came up with this product sure tackled a very specific problem.


*Unless, of course, the money is really good.

Nude, pissed

Don't say you already knew this song and didn't bother to tell me about it.

I like Radiohead but have never seen them live, so if you're a super-fan don't take this wrong because it's the highest compliment I can pay: This song is the closest thing I've heard to Jeff Buckley since Jeff Buckley.

Double click either play arrow if you have trouble with the video:

Heart-stoppingly beautiful. They've been performing Nude in concert since 1997, but the recent In Rainbows is the first time they committed it to an album.


P.S. Alicia, I'm going through my Buckley stuff this weekend! For reals!