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Monday, December 10, 2007

Weekend Girl Talk, Part 1: Right before we compared notes on the effects of global warming

My friend 'Doc' and I have serious discussions on grown up topics all of the time. This was not one of them.

Doc: "I've come to a sad realization. The window of opportunity for me & Clooney to be together has officially closed."

Me: "What do you mean? He's still single."

Doc: "Well, technically; but he has a girlfriend."

Me: "The chick whose wimpy foot broke during that motorcycle accident? C'mon, I bet your bones are freakishly unbreakable! You and your super-skeleton would have come through it with little more than a bit of road rash, and because you're a doctor you would have started examining everyone on the scene, where you'd likely write your man George prescriptions for "Kisses to Make it All Better" and "Hands-on-Healing".

Doc: "Her bones might be fragile but she ate a scorpion on TV and I could never, ever do that. (shaking head in disbelief, voice octave slightly rising) A live scorpion, in her mouth, on TV!"

Me: "Do you think he was impressed by that, really?"

Doc: "She. Ate. A. Scorpion. On. TV."

Me: "I think Clooney would be far more interested to find out what you'll put in your mouth at home.

Doc: "Touché."


Bri said...

That. is. AWESOME.

Melisa said...


You GO, "Doc"!

Melissa said...

It's hard to believe you can have this conversation with each other without rolling on the floor laughing..;)

Don Mills Diva said...

That's very funny. I think George is pretty slutty so there's probably hope for you yet.

Cha said...

Ok, you know I basically live under a rock, and need a team if I even want to think about going up against you playing that Pop Culture Trivia game, so please, fill me in. Who is this chick, and WTF did she eat a live scorpion?

Melisa said...

Cha: ARE you thinking about going up against us?

(Jules: I thought Cha was our teammate? Or is it Shula? Or was it Mr. Beer? Am I even still on the team? I'm so confused!)

Sista Melisa
Remembering Ruby
Suburban Scrawl

Cha said...

If I went up against you guys on that one it would be a blood bath. I probably wouldn't even have a pie piece by the time you won. Oh, but the day they make the "Science and Nature" Trivia game........IT'S ON!!!

Jules said...

@Bri: Thank you, thank you very much! I'm taking a bow just for you.

@Melissa: Oh, trust me; there's always rolling on the floor laughing. Also, lots of "OHMYGODPLEASE STOPYOU'REKILLINGME".

@DonMillsDiva: Thanks for backing me up on that! I can't have one of my good friends thinking that it's impossible for her to get with George. See Doc? I told you there's still a chance!

@MelisaMySista: Of course you're still 'on the team'! It's you, me, and either Shula or if she can't because she's in NYC, it'll be Scooter's husband. You & Cha are talking about 2 different things. She's referring to the Trival Pursuit Pop Culture game that Mike bought me for my birthday...the one that I dominate over her & Eric (who always just sits and shakes his head). Cha is not in tune with pop culture at all, and humors me whenever I suggest a game; because she knows it'll be a swift victory. I roll like the Cobra Kai and show no mercy.

@Cha: If you click on the hotlinks in the post, all the answers are revealed for you... and what MelisaMySista is referring to is VH1's World Series of Pop Culture (and I know since you don't keep up with pop culture you have no idea what that is, but trust me when I tell you it's my kind of olympics.)

Cha said...

Oh, BTW, while we are talking about celebrity boyfriends, I did have another dream about Mike Rowe the other night (you had a post on him a while back). Ummm, he's the man....of my dreams. I'd love to see more posts about (or just more of) him.

Stacey said...

Seriously. I need to buy stock in Depends or something. I don't know whether I should be happy that I still stand a chance with George, or throw down with Cha over Mike Rowe. I'm torn really. Thank you for trying to protect my identity, but this is just too funny. I'm totally owning up to it.

kris said...


Melisa said...

I love how Cha is suggesting posts! You go, girl! :)

Jules: Thanks for clarifying. Maybe we can play Trivial Pursuit on Saturday? On the new couch? Invite Pivs!

Stacey said...

OK, I just clicked on the Clooney link. I can't begin to tell you how much I love Ask A Ninja. The perfect storm hiding in Mrs. Garrett's cleavage just to kill George Clooney?!? How does he come up with this stuff? Ow. Stop. It hurts.

Jules said...

@Stacey: My, my, my... you outed yourself so quickly! Here I was trying to be all stealthy. Good for you! This way, when George comes knocking, he knows who to grab (by the hair).... and you know I put the "Ask-a-Ninja"/Clooney link on there just as a special nod to you since you love them so much. What would you do with Clooney dressed as a ninja? Don't answer that. I need to make you a t-shirt that reads, "Ow. Stop. It hurts. (that's what she said)."

@Cha: Anytime you want to re-read that post I wrote about Mike Rowe (and see the video of him cooking naked, just click on the "Dirty Jobs for one & All" link in the right column under the HOJ's Greatest Hits. Try not to drool over your keyboard.

@MelisaMySista: Yes, of course we can play Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition Saturday night! I don't want anyone bleeding on my new furniture, though-- so you & I can't be on the same team... or can we? Muahahahahahaha! Of course my man Pivs will be here! "Bass-o-Matic!"

@Kris: :)

Spammon said...

It's these types of conversations I'd rather watch than the presidential debate.

Jules said...

Spammon: We'll work on getting these conversations (and our pillow fights, of course) uploaded to YouTube.