Our friend BG was relaying information on a recent Date-Gone-Bad just the way we like: slow and specific. We're practically a forensics team, digging through the wreckage to piece together how it all went downhill. Far be it for us to interrupt the flow of important details, but sometimes we need clarification. This usually ends in a new catchphrase that will be stuck in our private joke repertoire for decades. After this we all discussed quantum mechanics, I swear.
BG: "... and it was right after that when I made sure to tell him, 'Hey, these pants aren't coming off tonight.', and then he said, 'Well, look at you, calling the shots!'... and he was serious!"
Me: "Wait, he actually said, 'Well, look at you, calling the shots'? Really? Didn't he get the memo that we are allowed to have an opinion on these matters? He should have just said, 'Well, look at you, deciding who puts his hands in your pants!'
BG: "Look at you, with a mind of your own!"
Me: "Look at you, not bending to my every whim!"
BG: "Look at you, with the right to vote!"
11 comments:
Ha ha! My friends and I also analyze bad dates to death.
This is kind of unrelated but your post reminded me of something. I had a blind date one night several years ago and I was going straight from work to the date so I had to wear what I wore to the office. For some reason, my pants had become much tighter in the waist than when I put them on that morning. I asked a friend/co-worker if it would be tacky of me to show up for my date with my pants unbuttoned and if she thought anyone would be able to tell they were unfastened. Her reply was "well, I prefer to end my dates that way but if you want to get a headstart, go ahead." For the record, the guy I met was lucky I shook his hand at the end of the evening. What a weirdo he was.
That is hysterical. I wish I was a fly on the wall while you guys were having these discussions, I swear I would be laughing my ass off!!
Frankly this just confirms that I Learned Everything I Need To Know About Boys In Kindergarten: 1) Boys are dumb and 2) Most of them have cooties. You might be surprised just how often that applies in my grown up life.
@Sauntering: Your "kind of unrelated" comment is SO TOTALLY related to this entire subject of dating; which I'll have to keep on writing about because what you wrote about the beginning of a date made me think of something that happened to me on a first date... though it has nothing to do with pants. Your co-worker's comment cracked me up. Sounds like you were just implementing a timesaver in case the date went well. :)
@Melissa: Oh, we wouldn't allow you to just be a fly on the wall, you'd have to join in on the fun!
@anonymous: See, I like men. Got the membership card to their fan club and everything.
The main thing I learned about boys in kindergarten is that they don't like it when you have a cooler mode of transportation than they do, especially when you're the only one on the block who has one (when you click on that link, notice the neighbor boy on my left, all jealous of my wheels! He was really pissed that a girl had one. "Look at me, running the streets from the seat of my Green Machine!").
Interestingly enough, that still holds true (though I've moved up to something with an engine).
So this is what girls do after dates. And I always thought it was pillow fights in their pajamas.
@Spammon: The pillow fights are always AFTER quantum mechanics discussions, you know. We have to wait 30 minutes; like the swimming delay after eating, otherwise we might cramp up and drown in pillow feathers.
Your conversations are so much more adult and entertaining than mine!
A friend called me after a date once and said, "He was a jerk". So I said, "No play then?"
Oh no, she says, I let him hit it. He was a jerk but he was a BIG jerk".
And we discussed pole dancing afterward rather than quantum mechanics. I don't even think she knows what that is anyway.
Found your site on dooce's - just stopped by to say hi!
That is hilarious. Why do women tend to over analyze a date and men don't seem to give it a second thought?? I always wondered about that.
Hey Jules! Who decided to let you make this post! (Oww! Stop that HURTS! I like my blood on the inside! OWWWWW.)
Sauntering - That Cracks me up!
Taj - With just a little effort I could demonstrate the quantum mechanics of pole dancing. Still, I do know my slide rule can NOT explain how the hell she did THAT!
@Taj: Quantum mechanics is code for something very close to pole dancing... Based on that summary of your friend's post-date recap in your comment, I'm certain that we have some of the same friends!
@Alf: Hi! Thanks for stopping over... How's Melmac?
@Kat: I can't speak for all women, but I tend to overanalyze everything; which means that I'll spend the next hour wondering why I do that.
@Rob: Look at me, deciding what to post on my blog! Look at me, drunk with power!
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