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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Now with twice the music, twice the entendre

Every year for the past ten, I've made an official Valentine's Day mix to send out to all of my loved ones. Every year except for that one February when I was totally disgusted with showing affection to anyone; but it was for the best, trust me.


This year I've taken a page from one of my best friends (she may or may not choose to "out" herself in the comments), who upon hearing a song with a particularly sexified beat or super-hot lyrics, will turn to me and say, "Oooh, this one is going on the 'BANG' cd!". The first time she said it, approximately 100 years ago, we were in a loud bar and I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. She assured me that she did in fact say what I though she said, and that she does in fact have a cd specifically designated as "BANG" music. By the way, that is HER vulgar term, not mine. I would never say something like that because I'm a lady.

What? Don't you believe me?

Regardless, this V-day mix is a tip of my proverbial hat in her direction, as I've come up with a playlist worthy of my own Bang CD. I also took eleventy-hundred hours and uploaded it all so that you can enjoy it too! It should come as no surprise to you that some lyrics are not appropriate for young ears (or old ears, if you're at work and your boss is nearby).


It's all there... the beginning make-out songs, to the well, the OTHER music, and it'll take you all the way through your Love Hangover. You're welcome.


I cannot be held responsible for the effect this music has on you, but I will take all the credit!


So, whether you're spending Valentine's Day (night, whatever) alone or with one or more loved ones, enjoy this mix... and by ENJOY I mean, well, you know what I mean. I won't spell it out for you because I'm a lady.

Seriously, why doesn't ANYONE believe me when I say that? ;)

26 comments:

Melisa said...

Queen of Creative, as always! :)

Jen said...

I am smiling! Thrilled you got the ultimate love song on there: Closer by NIN! And BTW....you're welcome!

Jen said...

OK, just finished listening to the updated BANG CD and I have to admit: You've outdone yourself. I need a cigarette!

Spammon said...

WHAT!? No

Meatloaf - "I'd lie for you (And that's the truth)"
Boy's Don't Cry - "I wanna be a cowboy"
Pat Benetar - "Hit me with your best shot!"
Peter Gabriel - "Shock the Monkey"

I don't know anymore. I just don't know...

Don Mills Diva said...

You don't have to spell it out - what a great mix!

Kat said...

Very enjoyable really. I came over to wish you and Jeremy a very happy Valentine's Day :)

Rob said...

What? You did not get the one that Taj posted where the chorus starts, "I've got a about a million women to plow so you can..."

There goes that brow getting all high again!

;)

Jules said...

@MisMySis: Spank you very much!

@Jens: I figure I'll send you a CD with Closer on it about 16 times. That ought to do it! You'll never leave your house! I'm glad you liked my version of the ol' Bang CD because I worked hard on it; which frankly is the only way to work on a Bang CD, don't you think? Smoke one for me!

@Spammon: I knew I missed some great ones but holy god, how could I have missed an opportunity to put Meatloaf on a Bang CD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEE?

@DonMillsDiva: You can enjoy this while bathing in the 4ft. martini glass!

@Kat: Thanks! The 3 of us have a very special evening planned (Jeremy, the Bang CD & I). Hope you & your hubs have a great one!

@Rob: I'm sure I have NO idea what you're talking about!

Jen said...

My CD player has a repeat function on it, so you really only have to put Closer on the CD once and I'll just hit repeat! I will never again see the light of day.....send batteries!

Melissa said...

Send batteries.....ROFL!! ;)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

You had me at "Closer". Yeah...um...that one...heh...good stuff.

stacey said...

The batteries are for the CD player right? (There you go Rob - brow's low again.)

Jules said...

@Jen: Too bad the "repeat" function doesn't work on everything, if you know what I'm sayin' and I think you do. The good news is that I already had a battery pack ready to ship off to you in time for V-day. Sorry it's late. Good thing you have Bullie to keep you company!

@Melissa: I wondered why the cashier was giving me such a funny look when I bought their entire battery section and asked her for a gift receipt. I don't think she believed me.

@Tootsie: I know, right?!?! I think some people dismiss NIN as too dark and angry for mood music but I'm sayin', Closer is perfection. It's JUST dark & angry enough. The men haven't said much specifically about that particular song but I have heard from far & wide from the female readers who are all in agreement with me on this point. Basically, it's on my "Bang" CD because it does the job! RAWR!

@Stacey: Obviously the batteries are for her "Boom-Boom-Boom Box."

@Rob: THANK YOU for reminding me of that NSFW "What's it Gonna Be?" video that Taj originally posted. I LOVE those guys and holy S, I laughed so hard again that I cried. "I think your ass looks delicious" is one of the most underestimated pickup lines ever, and I'm glad they could put it in a song! If that doesn't bring things back to the lowbrow level you're most comfortable with, nothing will!

The Fruitcake Lady said...

Do you kiss your mama with that blog?!? Mine virgin eyes have never read such things!

P.S.-You left out the obligatory Al Green and some fine PM Dawn selections. Not that I know of such things.....

Jen said...

Stacey, yes the batteries are for the CD player (you just keep telling yourself that)!

Jules said...

@Fruitcake Lady: I kiss everyone's mama with this blog! The beauty of a BANG cd is that there is no need for anything obligatory by nature. Obligations just seem to fall away when this baby is pulsing out yo' speakers. AMEN. When I think of PM Dawn, it's all I can do to avoid shedding a tear because of all those insanely tight braids on the big dude and all the shiny clothes.

@Jen: No, no, no.... the batteries are not for the CD player, but for the "Boom-Boom-Boom Box" which is not the same thing. Don't make me draw you a schematic.

texAAsgirl said...

MISS jenny - we're your friends, so we know waaaaaaaaay better -

Jen's list of must-haves:
1. a magic shirt
2. alcohol
3. shiney thing
4. alcohol
5. plenty of energizers
6. alcohol
7. group of your closest friends
8. alcohol
9. cowboys, drag queens, men with 'perfect noses', or a guy traveling to TX on business
10. oh, did I say alcohol??

Follow the yellow brick road - you'll eventually reach Oz!

Jen said...

Oh our witty ways have drawn another poor soul to the comments section! Welcome Texas Girl and yes, I will have some alcohol with my BANG CD!!

Jules said...

@TexAAsGirl: Oh lordy, I knew you'd join us sooner or later... your list of J's must-haves is so spot on, with the exception of alcohol. I don't think you listed it enough. Also? A cell phone so she can drunk dial me with the news that she's met my next potential boyfriend who for some reason each time has been a man on business in TX. The fact that this has happened a handful of times kills me. Apparently, everyone has business in Texas, and somehow JC gives them my information. OH, and there was that guy on a flight with her one time. She's my own personal pimp. Luckily she's never asked for 10% off the top.

@Jen: You knew like I knew that TexAAsGirl wouldn't lurk in the shadows for very long. I hope this encourages more people to pipe up in the comments.... the more the merrier. This includes you, Chicago Lawyer. ;)

Catherine said...

30 songs? Good god woman, what goes on at your house?

Jules said...

Catherine: SOME people *cough* ME *cough* might argue that not enough goes on at my house since I had the time to put together a 30-song mix. However, that's precisely the purpose of such a CD.... to inspire & motivate. Can I get an AMEN?! hee hee

texAAsgirl said...

JKB - We know your sitting back and enjoying the ride

If you don't chime in, how do you ever expect to have a 3-some at a pancake house at 3am??!!

Jules said...

@TexAAsgirl: Maybe once he realizes that it would be a foursome... ;)

texAAsgirl said...

Let the FUN begin....

Rob said...

Hey Jules, I think we can all agree that "I think your ass looks delicious" is a classy pick up line but the audacity of "If you cared about that vagina of yours you not leave it in the hands of an amateur" is pure poetry. Majestic and awe inspiring, it makes me want to be a better man!

Jules said...

@Rob: Besides it being extremely poetic, that particular line is also stellar advice! I love a song with an educational theme (and I seriously have had it in my head for DAYS now!) ;)