Maybe he dropped the phone when he saw her number written on the wall

Not since Tommy Tutone's 867-5309 has a song about a telephone been stuck in my head, that is until last year when I saw/heard Shy Child perform Drop the Phone.

I couldn't care less about fashion shows and you'll never catch me sitting at my computer watching people strutting down a regular old catwalk, but this video makes me smile every time. Whoever came up with the idea to have models teetering around a slick stage in skyscraper heels in an effort to win a game of live music-musical chairs at the 2008 Stella McCartney show should get a raise.

None of the models fall, if that's what you're hoping for. In fact they all look to be having a great time and even become quite competitive near the end. Note the projected "play/arrow" and "stop/square" icons projected onto the screen above the stage. Simple and brilliant details like that remind me not to over-think things in my own design work, and really in life itself. My 2nd favorite F-word is Fun, after all.


The lady in the crowd, dancing in her seat at 1:26 is totally me, every time I hear this song.

Had I heard this on the radio without the combined cleverness of the video, I don't know if I would've given the song a fair chance with all that 80's keyboard electronica stuff. They're linked together in my mind, though, and I really do love it. You might not think it's your kind of music when you first hear it, but if you watch/listen to the whole thing twice before making your judgement, I bet you'd like it. I've had it in constant rotation since I bought it and now even my nephews dig it. They're teenagers, so you know, I must be the cool aunt. As if you had any doubt about that.

Drop the Phone is such a great get-off-your-ass-and-get-something-done-today song, so that's what I'm going to do. I have company coming tonight for the weekend and these chairs aren't going to set themselves up in a circle!

Being "a little bit" obsessed is like being "a little bit" pregnant. I'm only one of those 2 things.

I've been a little bit obsessed with Ricky Gervais since seeing the original version of The Office in 2003. I can't help but love everything he does. When I heard he was doing podcasts, I couldn't get on board fast enough. I'm sure it's because he makes me laugh so much I cry, and for so long that eventually no sound comes out of my mouth like a movie scene in which I'm playing the mime-- sans beret and imaginary glass box. Whatever he does, I want to experience because laughing is one of my very favorite things to do, and I try to get as much of it worked into the hours of the day as possible.

In 2007, I watched the last episode of the 2nd season of his show Extras on DVD. Approximately one minute into this scene with David Bowie, I laughed so hard I spit out my wine. Seriously.

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"Little fat man who sold his soul, little fat man who sold his dream..."

Even though Ricky Gervais wrote the lyrics to this song in the script, Davie Bowie has a history doing this sort of thing with the new people he meets. After all, he did write that song about Blue Jean. You know, the girl with a camouflaged face and no money. But never mind her. Back to the subject at hand.

When I saw this clip of Ricky on one of my other favorite BBC shows (The F Word; the "F" stands for FOOD!), with one of my other favorite British men (Gordon Ramsey), it was all I could do to not crawl into the screen and join them. Unfortunately I can't embed the clip, so to see another side of Gordon Ramsey than the cranky one you see on Kitchen Nightmares, you should click HERE to check it out. Go on, do it! They're so good together, especially starting at 1:55 into the clip when Gordon asks Ricky how he would market some oddly-named products. Two words: Sexy Rabbit. Two more words: Black Spunk. If that doesn't get you to click on the link, I don't know what will.

Now that you've experienced some of what I enjoy about RG, I give you the following outtakes from an AP interview promoting Ricky Gervais' upcoming appearance on Sesame Street. Maybe you can see why, when I watched this eleventy-hundred times in a row yesterday, I actually proclaimed it to be the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life:


"Elmo wants this tape!"

I don't know whose laugh makes me laugh harder, Gervais or Elmo. I love them so much I want to marry them. Hopefully Jeremy won't mind sharing me with a brilliant Brit, a muppet and sometimes Gordon Ramsey. Well, would you look at that! It seems that I'm not nearly as picky as my mom thinks I am. 

Possibly America's new theme song, definitely mine

I have a lot to say about a lot of things but I'm waiting for some kind of outcome/resolution... so in the meantime, I've been breathing deeply, reflecting and trying to keep from banging my head against a brick wall. There was a breaking point this weekend and one of my all-time favorite jams came to mind.

My old friend Scooter (she of "half-n-falf" and "MY Alan Thicke?" fame) & I used to exchange mix tapes throughout high school & college. We both like a wide-range of music and on any one tape there would anyone from Lionel Richie to Pearl Jam to Bad Boy Bill (back when all his stuff was underground). One of the first tapes she sent me after we went away to separate state universities had Father MC/Jodeci's "Everything's Gonna Be Alright" on it, and I couldn't play that song enough. I have it on my iPod now and have been using it as my mantra.

It seems these days, what with the incessant reporting on the state of the economy, unemployment and all the other stress-factors, America needs a theme song. I would love for Obama to start playing this at the top of every press conference & public address. If NPR, CNN & Fox News would replace 6 minutes of their chatter about how things around us are falling apart with this song, I really feel like it would help instill some small seed of confidence that things will eventually turn around. Getting pegged in the noggin all day & night with negativity takes a toll.

So here it is, my gift to you. I hope if you have something eating away at you (be it the economy, your job or anything else causing you stress) that you can get Jodeci's voice--the hook of this 1992 gem-- in your head and let it play over & over when you feel your blood pressure rising. Sometimes you just need somebody to tell you that everything will be okay, and if they invite you to dance it out in the same conversation... even better!

Breathe. Everything's gonna be alright.



See ya moving baby, yeah
And you're lookin good, said you're lookin fine
Everything's gonna be alright, yeah
Let the music take control of your body tonight
Whoa, everything's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright
Let the music take control of your body tonight

Making an Ash of Myself

Our soccer coach in college also happened to be a minster at a church near campus. He was a great guy and a good coach but was a bit forgetful and often running late to the practice field. In the beginning of the season, all of us girls gave him a hard time about it, but after the first 10 times he forgot to bring something important to practice (like his whistle or, say, THE TEAM SOCCER BALLS), we picked up the slack and started doing things for him so he wouldn't be so crazed.

This didn't stop him from wearing mismatched socks to our games, but we wanted to choose our battles.

We always got our practices off to a good start with stretches and running a couple of laps around the field (which really bought Coach a good 20 minutes to flip the mentality switch from his day job to his night job), after which we'd circle up at center field and find out which drills we were going to be doing.

One particular evening, I noticed something about him didn't look quite right. We all got settled at center field and just before he addressed our team, I said, "Hey Coach! You have something on your forehead!"

Everyone started giggling.

I said, "What's so funny? Nobody else was going to say something to him? If his zipper was open you'd want him to know!"

Coach smiled and said, "Which one of you wants to explain Ash Wednesday to our Jewish fullback?"

We don't have to fast forward or rewind cassettes anymore either!

I have a follow-up post for the Vaginatine's party but that will have to wait for the pictures! In the meantime, I love Louis CK and this video of his appearance on Conan is making the internet rounds. Thanks to my friend S for shooting it my way:



Related:
•Growing up, I LOVED a black rotary phone we had so much that as soon as my parents got our first cordless phone, I swiped it. I didn't even have a phone jack in my bedroom but it was mine! I put glittery lip stickers all over it and in our next house I actually put it to use on my desk. I had some kind of weird nervous system malfunction each time there was a zero in the phone number I was dialing. For some reason I would get the dial about halfway around and my finger would go rogue, come out of the zero position and I'd have to hang up and start dialing all over again. Always, always, always.


•I wrote out a check at the grocery store yesterday because I accidentally left my debit card in my jeans pocket at home. The last time I wrote a check out for anything besides my car payment was so long ago I can't even remember, and I felt so annoyed at myself on behalf of the people behind me in line. It only takes a minute longer for the cashier to deal with a check than it does a debit card, but WHOA, it seemed like forever. It was all I could do to not say to the guy behind me, "Sorry, I NEVER DO THIS. I am a good person with a working debit card and I will never leave it in my jeans again!" Awkward.


•When I was living out east, one of my friends was moving to California. I was looking over the map he'd marked up for his upcoming drive from NYC to San Diego. I gestured toward the yellow highlighted path, a long cut directly across the midsection of our entire country and in between laughs this is how our conversation went:

"How long will it take you to get there?"

"Three days."

"I call bullshit! It's only a 6-hour flight and you're saying it'll take you three days? Are you WALKING to California? "

"Jules, that yellow line represents 3,000 miles of road. It's going to take me three days because it's 43 hours of drive-time, and at some point, I will need to sleep."

"3,000 miles? Whoa. Talk to you in 3 days!" (Because neither of us had cell phones back then, and he couldn't call me until he got there)


•Every single time I get on a plane (going back as far as I can remember*), I look out the window about 1/2 way through the flight and think to myself, "What am I doing? I have NO business being this high up in the air. NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER!"


*When I was about 9, I flew by myself to visit some family friends. While in the air, I wrote my sister a letter that said the plane was, "at 40,000 feet and above God." Nobody needs to be up that high! I figure she'll mention something about that in the comments!

Not for the easily offended

You read the title, right? Mmmkay, you've been warned. This makes two posts in a row with the potential for a pillow fight ending. Sorry guys, that last post about my Angelina dream didn't deliver, but this one just might....

Some of my friends were talking about how the significant others decided to go on a man's trip this weekend. The conversation evolved into a retaliatory Ladies Night. That'll show 'em! One of the Lovely Ladies came up with the idea to have a Vaginatine's Party tomorrow night. You read that correctly, I don't have to repeat it. The gauntlet has been thrown down, we women are a witty bunch and are all bringing V-themed food & drink. Last week, I was text messaging with my friend Scooter with our random ideas, which included:

Scooter's ideas:
Fish tacos
Crab dip
O-face rings
Tuna casserole
Head cheese platter
Cream pie

My ideas:
Forbidden fruit salad
Finger sandwiches
Landing strip steak
French silk panty pie
Crab cakes
Muffins
Yeast rolls
Erogenous scones (I am proudest of this one.) (That is sad.)
Pork loin (a joke in itself)
Beef curtains (I actually found a recipe for flank steak that I'm calling Beef Curtains for the purpose of this party.)

The friend responsible for the party theme idea is bringing "Labia Lick-her" for our party beverage. Beaverage?

My own mother wanted to help me out with suggestions while I was brainstorming and emailed me a recipe for chocolate covered cherries. She called me to say, and I quote, "You can call them poppin' cherries!" If you knew how much of an actual-for real-not joking LADY my mom is, you would understand better how I am both amused and offended by her suggestion, or rather that I didn't think of it myself. I'm totally going to make those, by the way.

I can't wait to see what the other girls are bringing. Some of their ideas are not even fit to print. Oh boy... and so it begins. Enjoy your weekend, however you celebrate it! I'll have a beaverage for you. A drink, I mean.

She did try that fake-yawn-to-arm-around-shoulder maneuver though, which worked on Brad but not on me!

This is what happens when I catch the last 10 minutes of a late night Friends™ rerun and follow it up with a quick scan of Hollywood gossip before going to bed at 2 a.m., as told in Twitter tweets this morning upon waking up :







The first thought I had after opening my eyes was that no matter how much Angie tries to manipulate the people around her, there's no reason I can't remain friends with Jennifer Aniston. My second thought was that I couldn't believe I was actually awake & had that first thought.

A bit later, my friend Jen (well, my OTHER friend Jen!) e-mailed me THIS link she stumbled upon after reading my tweets. Turns out there IS a list!

My friends (Friends™?) are the best because they totally get me.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner Stairmaster!

The fitness industry sure has changed in the past 55 years, hasn't it? Back in ye olden days, girls in the know would go off to a resort in the woods with their families and burn off all that chicken-fried steak by lugging around watermelons and grinding with the bad-boy dance instructors:


Yes Baby, you carried a watermelon (:22). But wait, because what's about to happen is going to make it worth your while (1:02).

Jump ahead in history to now and hey, welcome to the future! You can forget all that weighty produce schelpping to the "hired help" side of camp and simply pop in this DVD:


What in the cha-cha hell did Patrick Swayze do to deserve this?

I think my favorite line from the commercial is, "Show off your new dance moves with the sensational cardio dance that's got Baby on her feet..." The only thing I'd add to that is, "...and off her back!". Hey-ohhhhh! Let's face it, Johnny got something else up in that movie besides Baby's heart rate.

Since I saw the commercial at 4a.m., I couldn't believe my eyes. I checked Amazon and was surprised that this DVD has been purchased and reviewed by more than one person. My favorite write-up:

Some Amazon reviewers are SO HELPFUL!

I guess nobody puts Baby's background dancers in the corner, either.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highly inappropriate), what would you rate this?

I give it a 24, but that's based on the entire phone call, not the following edited version below.

--

Our conversation began with talk of her resume and job search, which turned into a long laughing fit brought on by discussing what she'll probably end up saying or doing while high on nitrous oxide later today, thanks to her hot dentist. 

Some bases we covered were:

• Calling ahead to request he install a mirror on the ceiling and that he have candles lit before she arrives.

• Ensuring the dentist sees her putting a hair scrunchy around the doorknob*.

• Enjoying the dental aspirator (saliva vaccuum-thing) way too much.

• Telling him to pull her hair a little bit or give her a spanking while he's at it.

The rest are so tasteless, I won't even list them here. We got off the phone after exhausting ourselves of every absurd-but-plausible-if-high-on-nitrous-at-the-dentist's-office scenario.

I had to call her back 5 minutes later to say this:

You need to ask him how soon you can resume having sex. He'll probably say something along the lines of, "There's nothing about getting dental work done to prevent you from that".

Then give him the look and say, "Doctor, is that an INVITATION?"

As you get escorted out of the office by security, make sure to toss them your resume and ask if they're hiring.

Can you believe that I don't even charge her for advice like this?


*In case you don't know, a hair scrunchy on a doorknob is the universal signal for "Do not disturb, I'm getting lucky". Acceptable substitutes are a necktie, a towel or my personal favorite: A SOCK.

In Memory of Fred Knittle

I'm re-posting the following from October 15th in memory of The Young@Heart chorus' Fred Knittle, who passed away on January 1, 2009. There's a lovely article written about Fred's life HERE.

His performance of Coldplay's Fix You in the Young@Heart documentary has brought me to tears numerous times. See it for yourself at the end of the post, but be sure to read the background story above the video.

If you haven't seen this documentary yet, what are you waiting for?

--

I put in my latest Netflix pick, a documentary called YOUNG@HEART. I've had quite the streak of excellent choices over the past couple of months (see my "I Just Watched" section in the right sidebar), and this one fell right in line with some of the best documentaries I've ever seen:

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Prepare to be entertained by the uplifting individuals of YOUNG@HEART, a New England senior citizens chorus that has delighted audiences worldwide with their covers of songs by everyone from The Clash to Coldplay. As Stephen Walker’s documentary begins, the retirees, led by their strict musical director, are rehearsing their new show, struggling with a discordant Sonic Youth number and giving new meaning to James Brown’s “I Feel Good.” What ultimately emerges is a funny and unexpectedly moving testament to friendship, creative inspiration, and reaching beyond expectations.

Lately, my mind has been more than a little preoccupied with loved ones I've lost and people in my life who are currently having health issues, so I found myself crying more than once during this moving doc. Every once in a awhile, a good cry is exactly what I need to keep moving forward. Especially when the tears are brought on not only because of a little sadness, but also from profound moments of inspiration, and there are plenty of those in YOUNG@HEART.

One of my favorite songs, Fix You by Coldplay, is featured in YOUNG@HEART. Do you know the story of that song? Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, wrote it for Gwyneth Paltrow (his girlfriend at the time/now his wife), shortly after her father tragically died when he & Gwyneth were in Rome on her 30th birthday. It's a heart-wrenching story all-around. Now try listening to the song Chris wrote for the woman he loves while she was grieving and see how little time it takes you to get misty-eyed. It's a stunningly beautiful song and I always get chills when I hear it.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face, and I

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you


The scene in the documentary as described on the song's Wikipedia page:

Fix You was performed in 2006 by the New England octogenarian chorus group Young@Heart. The group's performance was led by former chorus member Fred Knittle, who suffers from congestive heart failure and breathes with assistance from an oxygen tank.

The performance was originally planned to be a duet between Knittle and Bob Salvini, another former chorus member, but Salvini died shortly before the show. Knittle performed it as a solo, as a tribute to his friend.

OHMYGAH, PASS ME THE KLEENEX. Then, go rent this documentary!