Newton's Third Law of Motion

When you're behind a senior citizen who is fumbling through the motion of sliding her card through that payment machine at the register (due to a combination of painful-looking arthritic hands and the fact that she's from a different era, before slick technology took over everything), let me suggest that you conserve your energy.

Rolling your eyes, tapping your big black boots, sighing heavily, or going so far as to say, "C'mon! hurry up, lady!" under your breath--but loud enough for those of us behind you in line to hear--because she's not moving fast enough for you is either totally lost on the old person you're annoyed with or will make her even more nerve-wracked.

Be as irritated as you damn well please, but you best KEEP IT ON THE INSIDE because as you've just experienced-- if I'm around and you're acting like that-- I will step to you and you won't like it*.

Chances are that one day, you will be old and judging by your attitude, really lonely. BE A LITTLE BIT HUMAN.

If you can't handle that, tough guy, order your Arizona Iced Tea** online.

*Or maybe he did like it, because he actually apologized to her.

**For the record: I like Arizona Iced Tea. What I don't like are assholes.

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Nobody puts Baby in the corner Stairmaster!

The fitness industry sure has changed in the past 55 years, hasn't it? Back in ye olden days, girls in the know would go off to a resort in the woods with their families and burn off all that chicken-fried steak by lugging around watermelons and grinding with the bad-boy dance instructors:


Yes Baby, you carried a watermelon (:22). But wait, because what's about to happen is going to make it worth your while (1:02).

Jump ahead in history to now and hey, welcome to the future! You can forget all that weighty produce schelpping to the "hired help" side of camp and simply pop in this DVD:


What in the cha-cha hell did Patrick Swayze do to deserve this?

I think my favorite line from the commercial is, "Show off your new dance moves with the sensational cardio dance that's got Baby on her feet..." The only thing I'd add to that is, "...and off her back!". Hey-ohhhhh! Let's face it, Johnny got something else up in that movie besides Baby's heart rate.

Since I saw the commercial at 4a.m., I couldn't believe my eyes. I checked Amazon and was surprised that this DVD has been purchased and reviewed by more than one person. My favorite write-up:

Some Amazon reviewers are SO HELPFUL!

I guess nobody puts Baby's background dancers in the corner, either.

Pablo for President 2044!

I will have a longer post later tonight about cats & bacon (for real!), but until then, there's this:



No matter which way you lean, you gotta admit this is kinda funny. Don't you? Really? C'mon, laugh a little. It keeps you young. Personally, I thought it was hilarious except for the bombing Vietnam part.

Let it be known that from here on out, I'll be ending all conversations with, "I'm done with this."