I have big plans to Blo the Po out of this Mo!

...so I'll do my best to fit the daily blogging in between all of that. HAHAHA! Just kidding, Mom.

I've done NaBloPoMo for the past couple of years, so I figured, hey... why not do it again? Why not? Really! I mean, WHY NOT?

aj amcv';oa jfg[ioah'acm 'jkpfagj[aaeora!

Oh, sorry. I stroked out for a second, but I'm back now. Looks like I'll be around every day, all month long. In addition to the interaction with you lovely people in the comment box (Oh, please join me in the comment box! It's much more fun when people are being sociable. As sociable as we can be while facing a computer, not talking out loud to anyone) and out there in the universe, NaBloPoMo is also about the prizes. Those who succeed in blogging every day in November get randomly drawn out of a proverbial hat to win kickass prizes that have been donated by kickass people. What's driving me to complete another year's NaBloPoMo is the horrific thought that this would've been my year to win a huge sock monkey or a hand-knit bacon scarf. Mmm. Bacon.

It's good for me to have this pressure for daily blogging. There are entirely too many things I've put off talking about on here, not the least of which is the continuing saga of a diabolical, inter-postal battle I'm having with THIS GUY.

But that's a longer story that I'm saving for another day. Today, I have something else that made me laugh & laugh. I have gone back to look at it no less than 10 times, just to get those giggles revved up again. What I'm talking about are 2 comments left by this other funny guy after he read one of my recent posts.

Let me back up a bit. Last month, I decided that it would be excruciatingly torturous fun to start a series called, Mindfield, which is best described in this way:

{The inner workings of my brain in certain real-life situations are not unlike frolicking through a minefield, or rather, MINDfield. Boom; explosion.}

This is where I'll have a conversation that starts out by asking you a question, but that I rudely continue by answering it myself. Then, I repeat that process:

We all have those little moments of clarity brought on by the strangest things, don't we? Of course we do. Why not drag them all out, into the light? Oh, I don't know. Something called privacy? Having boundaries, perhaps? Everyone knows that boundaries are no fun whatsoever!

AMIRITE?

Go on ahead & answer me. I'll wait.

Where were we? Ahh, yes. Here's a shortened version of the post I wrote last month:

And so it goes until the day you die
He quietly sang along to "Love Stinks" as if he truly believed in every word, and my excitement in the possibilities of where things were headed turned into feelings of impending doom.

Here's the what has kept me laughing for nearly 2 weeks now:




Thank you, G. I owe you one.


****

NaBloPoMo 2008: In it to win it

NaBloPoMo, day 1. Yeah, I'm doing it again this year, even though I have been vacillating about it for the past 11 months (since December). Well, that's not true... maybe just the past 2 months. Last year, I started to refer to it as "YaGoAheadAndBloMe" at the beginning of the 3rd week, so we'll see how long it takes this time around. The randomly-awarded prizes for sticking with it the entire time are great and that's what I'm in it for, to be honest. I didn't get picked last year, but maybe this is my year! You never know. I've decided that the way I can get through it with some of my sanity intact and without worrying about topics is that when I can't think of anything, I'll post a photo I've taken somewhere or a project I've done and write about that.

Some of you know I'm a photographer as well as a graphic designer (and those of you that didn't, do now!), so it should be pretty easy to find things in my portfolio to share. I haven't done more of this in the past because the internet can be a freaky and-not-in-a-good-way place. Here's a conversation I had in the comments of one of my photo posts in July with Rob and Spammon:

Spammon: I'm trying to figure out why you don't post more of these awesome pictures you have taken. You have a great camera eye.

HOJ: I don't post more of my images because there are creeps on the internet. I have a flickr pro account but always worry someone's gonna steal my stuff (not b/c it's "awesome" but because people can be odd, just ask me about the spandex fetishist who took one of my old photos and posted it with his scary collection of gross "self" portraits) and use it for things I don't have control over. Thanks for the props, though!

Spammon: Wow! You ended up in a spandex fetish website? That's why I stick to nature shots. Not me in nature, or trying be 'El Naturale', but trees, animals and other such inanimate objects.

HOJ: Yeah. It was this photo (from this set of photos I uploaded for my friend's birthday), taken when I was 15-- which you can only see a little bit of the bike shorts peeking out under my long shirt.



The guy's other photos (the few I stuck around long enough to see) were of HIM wearing spandex or pantyhose, and they weren't of his face, if you know what I'm sayin'. I'm sure he had other people's innocuous spandex photos in his collection, but I got mine out of there & blocked that guy immediately. Hey, if you want to have a specialized fetish, go for it... but don't involve me without asking. I'm gagging right now, thanks for bringing back that memory.

You'll only have yourself to blame when you tire of me shoving my portfolio down your throat via my RSS feed.

Spammon: Now that's a picture that belongs in a time capsule! I'm wondering if it should have been on a Def Leppard fetish site instead! It's okay though, at least you didn't take a school picture with a pin on button that said "I break for bears" with a picture of the Bernstain Bears on it. That could have landed me on an 'I'm with stupid' fetish website.

HOJ: Now, a Def Lep fetish site I would have had NO problem with! Ok, your "I break for bears" story? Is that true? Methinks some of my gay friends would love to have that pin today. Your childhood wardrobe was incredible according to the photos Linds had up for your bday.

Spammon: Unfortunately yes, this is a true story. I'll dig the up the picture and post it up one of these days.

NerdyRedneck Rob: Well, "fetish guy" was a real dipsh*t! I mean CLEARLY this is the fetish shot! :)



HOJ: Rob! Only you! (Still, hilarious, as ever.)

For the record: I'm actually wearing cut off grey sweatpants in that photo. It was 1989 and was 15, but I don't want any of you thinking I had spandex in every color.

It was a dark and stormy night... seriously!

It really, really was.

If you've been keeping up with my twitter updates in the right sidebar (or you can follow them directly here), you know by now that we had terrible weather in Chicago on Monday; weather that included emergency alerts ordering everyone to dive into the nearest basement, the city storm-siren going off, a neighborhood-wrecking tornado that touched down 6 miles from where I was taking cover in my (empty) bathtub, and the delight of a 24-hour power outage.

Of course there have been more devastating storms around the world, but it was pretty intense. I have never heard Mother (Mutha!) Nature make such terrible, cringe-worthy and evil sounds as I did on Monday night. I love a good rainstorm, but I'm not going to lie; for about 45 minutes I was actually scared. Like, HOLY-SH*T,-I'M-GONNA-DIE scared. I got through it unscathed, thankfully. My only connection to other people and activities to pass the time was my cell phone, so between that and the crazy weather, I was able to enjoy the following:

1) Congratulating myself for money well-spent, Part 1
The video game Tetris that I purchased for my cell phone last month more than paid for itself, and is the best $2.99 ever spent. Not to be confused with The Best $29.99 Ever Spent.

2) I laughed, I cried!
After sending a 86% serious text message with the general sentiment being, "HOLY SH*T, I'M GONNA DIE", my favorite [Cherry] Ride responded with a diversionary tactic, which is exactly what I needed: "Good luck & be safe! Meanwhile, weather here is perfect & I am tan again... (I laughed) ...The men here are awesome, get on a plane & join me!" (I cried. Almost.)

3) Twitter, twutter, tweet!
Twittering is the modern-day smoke signal and I love it. It allows me to send 140-character (or less) text message "tweets" to the right sidebar of my blog, without being anywhere near a computer. Click here to follow me directly on twitter.

4) My own personal weather girl, straight outta Texas.
My friend Jen felt compelled to watch the weather channel and supply me with 20-minute storm updates after I sent her a panicky text message that may or may not have mentioned something about it sounding like Hell's choir outside, and "HOLY SH*T, I'M GONNA DIE". Sensing a theme?

5) Congratulating myself for money well-spent, Part 2
Awhile ago, I bought a live version of Jimmy Buffet's "Why Don't We Get Drunk & Screw" and assigned it as a special ringtone for a few of my friends serial drunk-dialers in my life. I won't mention any names because the guilty parties know who they are. In addition to it being the perfect ringtone for certain people, it's a good song to listen to repeatedly while sitting in your bathtub during inclement weather because who can think about the roof tearing off (and not in the GOOD way*) when you're consumed with thoughts of consuming margaritas?:

Double-click on the 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the imeem player.

6) Deciding ComEd qualifies as a drunk-dialer
I went ahead and assigned the "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw" ringtone to the electric company after one too many puzzling power outage update phone calls from their automated messaging system. My favorite recorded call from them was, and I quote, "We understand that restoration times are important, but accurate restoration times are more important." Talking nonsense in circles is the classic drunk-dial, and obviously their automated messaging system was wasted.

7) Attempting my earliest bedtime since 9th grade
I tried--and failed--going to bed before my usual time of 1:30 a.m since there was no sign of my power coming back on anytime soon and it was either sleep or sweat. Just as my head hit the pillow, my phone rang (I'll give you one guess which ringtone!) and I ended up on a 3-way phone call from the aforementioned Jen and our very old friend Danny, who we just reconnected with after 20 years. It was kind of like them calling to make sure I was still alive and then killing me with the crushing realization of how many years have gone by since we were all in the same classroom. Thanks, guys!

8) Being an optimist, even in little ways
All that time playing Tetris, text messaging, song-playing, and talking on the phone meant that the battery was running on empty. The electricity was still out, but I decided that just in case it came back on before morning, I'd plug it into the charger and hope for the best. That ended up being a no-go, but it did have just enough juice left to beep for the alarm I set before it died the death.

9) Confirming that I'm not optomistic enough to consider romantic showering a SOLO endeavor.
My bathroom doesn't have any natural light, and even the bright light of day from my bedroom couldn't do anything for the cave my shower seemed to be that morning. So, I put 3 big candles usually kept in the living room on my bathroom counter, but purely out of necessity. Unfortunately.

10) Getting proof that the next generation is awesome, and they love me. Or awesome because they love me, I'm not sure which.
After my non-romantic candlelit shower, I went to my sister's house to charge my phone before work. Luckily they weren't affected by the storm at all, and they only live 15 miles from me. While there, I read this email from Jen about her daughter, who happens to be my favorite 10-year old. After you read this, she might be your favorite 10-year old, too:

Katie shared her "My prars to God and other stuff" journal with me this morning and her prayer for last night was:

"Augist 4, 2008. Dear Loard, plese keep Juley safe from the tornatow and protect her."

She may not be able to spell, but she has such a good heart! The funniest thing is how she spells "AMEN". Ready for this?  All Men!!! She does have a lot of her mother in her, doesn't she?

You have learned well, Grasshopper! You even know how to hold onto a tree during a tornatow!    Image ©HouseofJules


Going by that All Men thing, she certainly does have a lot of her mother in her... and maybe a little bit of her, ahem, more discriminating "Aunt Juley", too. Since I don't spell like a 10-year old, I think I'll take partial credit for her sweetness sassiness.

Long story short: holy sh*t, I didn't die! To that I say, All men, everybody, all men.


*If you read that phrase and didn't actually click the hotlink, you're missing out on a good thing. Scroll back up to number 5 and click the purple words! You're welcome.

Pouring honey from a jar, any car in front of me when I'm in a hurry, the current administration coming to an end

What do all of those things have in common with April's Hump of the Month post? The progression is much slower than anyone would like. It's too bad all of these things can't balance themselves out with the supersonic speed at which the past few days have kicked my ass unleashed the motherf**king moonwalk on me. My head is spinning, mostly because of my 11th hour tax adventure on Monday night, which I will not get into because I'm fresh out of vodka.

So, I'm putting Javier's Humpday off to avoid a hastily-written post that doesn't do him justice, because he deserves better than that. This way I can watch the other 2 Bardem movies that just arrived in my mailbox, which will allow for a more informed opinion on his hotness acting. It will also allow the shoulders that used to be at the base of my neck to (maybe, possibly, hopefully?) drop down from the top of my head.

Because it's not my style to leave you high & dry, here's a little somethin'-somethin' that can best explain why sometimes slow & easy is better:


Awww yeah. I'm talking to you, Bardem.

What I have been doing every spare moment

I have been interested in taking part in this project for awhile, and only recently started making my initial list, which is supposed to be completed before you start the blogging-about-each-person process. It's really quite something, digging into your memory banks to remember random people you probably haven't thought of in a long time, and knowing in advance that you only have the same number of words to make up each entry.

It does help in making the list if you have a steel-trap for a memory like I do. I can't wait to get all the names down so I can begin the really challenging part: only using 34 words to describe something specific about each person on my list. I'll have to come up with some good aliases for some of these people though, because I don't want to get sued for spilling things about others that have been locked up inside my mind for decades. Regardless of these challenges, I can't wait to finish my list and get to writin'.

Please remind me of this exuberance when, months from now and only 15% of the way through this every-day-for-one-year commitment, I am *threatening to jump off of a building.


*I am not big on heights and am therefore joking. I might decide to do something like use your real name on "your" day, though; which is as they say, not actually a threat but a promise; so some of you had better be nice to me. Suddenly I feel drunk with power.