Flattery will get you everywhere

Maybe it's been too long since a man has sincerely sung my praises or maybe I just got the compliment of a lifetime. Either way, this made me grin for DAYS.

Phone rings. Recognize incoming number. I've been expecting this call and couldn't wait to answer.

ME: Hi!

HIM: "I'm thinking of taking on a mistress, and you're #1 on my list."

He has extraordinary taste in women (his wife & I are very close, long-time friends)-- so I do not take this honor lightly...


Will continue mid-week when I have more time to tell you the whole story. C'mon, you knew there HAD to be a story.

Public Service Announcement: You should definitely ask your doctor about this

After a very long road with speed bumps galore, last night I FINALLY (for the 3rd time! It's a long story) completed the photo editing/layout for the cover AND the guts (VERY fancy industry term for "inside pages". Try to keep up!) of my sister's fabulous book last night. More on that exciting news at a later date!

Afterwards, I almost called up my good friend Dr. Stacey Hoff (we've been friends for 20 years, and she knows me well) for a prescription for the product in the below youtube video, but two important things stopped me:

1) It's my practice to never "Hassle the Hoff". Especially by calling her and saying, "I hope I'm calling at a good time and that I'm not hassling the Hoff." She LOVES that!



2) I'm over 21. I don't need a stinking prescription! I can walk right into any liquor store (or "church", as my friend Jenny calls them) and pick up a bottle whenever I want. I decided against it though, because I have some unbelievably great Extra Viejo Brugal rum ("Viejo" is spanish for old or worn out-- which is exactly what I felt like last night!) that I brought back from the Dominican Republic last year that is perfect for this kind of occasion.


If you don't have your very own Dr. Hoff or some Brugal rum on hand, I think you should talk to your doctor about this. It will surely come in handy in many situations:

The side effects and warnings are the best parts of this whole thing.

Good thing I wasn't drinking red!

I just finished watching the last episode of Extras 2nd season on DVD. Approximately one minute into this scene with David Bowie & the show's creator/head writer, (the brilliant) Ricky Gervais, I laughed so hard I spit out my wine.

Double-click on either 'play' arrow if you have trouble viewing video


Even though Ricky Gervais wrote the lyrics to this song in the script, Davie Bowie has a history doing this sort of thing with the new people he meets. After all, he did write that song about Blue Jean. You know, the girl with a camouflaged face and no money.

Finally, gentlemen! A show you & your lady can agree on; though admittedly for different reasons

The Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs.

Probably due to the back-to-back summer reruns of Dirty Jobs, recently 4 of my female friends have--on separate occasions--brought up this show, and namely, their attraction to the show's host Mike Rowe. Reading this post will be the first time they'll find out about this--their (our?) shared adoration of the ultimate "Dirty Guy". I know my phone will ring in the next few hours and there will be grown women demanding to know who their competition is. Two have claimed him as their very own future husband, one wants to make him her desktop wallpaper at work, and one wants to make him do something kinda *naughty.

Here's an example of one of the emails from a couple of days ago:

Now that I think of it, they ALL want to make him do something *naughty, but only one has the foresight to remind her co-workers to ask about it when they see her computer screen.


*...and by "naughty", I could just mean "landscaping"; but honestly, probably not.


*Ok, by "naughty" I meant "cook naked (under an apron)". It's a good start, anyway.

So, enjoy an evening devoid of fighting over the remote, and don't get jealous. You know that YOU'RE her favorite "Dirty Guy".


Dirty Jobs airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. New episodes start soon!

Sometimes being a financially responsible adult is a total buzzkill.

Sigh.

That's what she said!

For Scooter on the very weekend of your baby (babies!) shower. Even though you're going to be the mom of TWINS, here's hoping you are always a kid at heart.

This comic strip is SO you, it almost hurts. That's what she said!



Source

Oh, and Comedy night done right? That's what she said!

I'd volunteer for border patrol, but I don't know how useful I'd be with my hands covering my eyes

You've heard of Doctors Without Borders, right? If you haven't, it's an independent organization of doctors who travel all over the world in order to help people who are unable to get medical care. Today on Chicago Public Radio's Worldview, they did a story on another organization (no doubt, just as well-meaning as Doctors Without Borders) whose mission statement is "to offer laughter to relieve the suffering of all persons, especially children, who live in areas of crisis including refugee camps, conflict zones and territories in situations of emergency." While I am not doubting the great need for an organization like this, the problem I have is the disturbing mental image that the name of this group evokes. Brace yourselves.

Clowns Without Borders

Have you ever seen Stephen King's TV movie IT? No, thank you, Pennywise the clown! I have no love for you. The only clown I could sort of deal with as a kid was Bozo, but that was only because I watched his morning show & was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that I would win his Grand Prize Game. I'd get that last ping pong ball into the farthest cup and score myself a bike, I just knew it, if only we could get tickets to his show. It was never to be.


I never won a bike on that show, but years later I proved I could have easily done it since I was "the one to beat" in college whenever we played Speed Quarters. Seriously, it's a gift.

So, when the host of Worldview introduced the show and announced that he'd be speaking with the founder of Clowns Without Borders, the quips began like this:

"UGH! This sounds like my childhood--and ADULT-- nightmare!"

"Absolutely. If there is anything in this world that needs borders, it would be clowns." 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm disgusted and repulsed, and I can't look away!

Did you watch the annual Coney Island Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating contest on ESPN yesterday? It was absolutely cringe-worthy. I have never been less hungry for a holiday grill-out than after watching this competition.

The "mustard belt" is back in America's hands after the past 6 years of seeing Japan's Takeru Kobayashi take it home with him. This year he supposedly had a major jaw injury but there were no signs of it as he stuffed 63 hot dogs down his gullet, mostly 2 at a time, in 12 minutes.

Throughout the competition, my thoughts were consumed with important things like: "Is there someone at the ready with the heimlich maneuver in case one of the competitors chokes?" and "Is there someone at the ready with a bag in case I yack while watching this?".


Having just completed our "Maybe I shouldn't be so entertained by these movies but damnit all if I'm not!" Kevin Smith classic film fest (see my recently watched flicks in the sidebar), I couldn't help but think of Rosario Dawson's line at the end (:30) of the trailer for Clerks 2:





Click here for the ESPN article and a short video on the 66-hot-dog-eating US winner, Joey Chestnut.

He'll probably use the "Going Green" defense

Sadly, I think the only surprising thing about this story is that a Prius can get up to 100 MPH.

From the NY Times:

Al Gore’s 24-year-old son was arrested and jailed in Southern California this morning.

Al Gore III, 24, was driving a blue Toyota Prius about 100 miles an hour on the San Diego Freeway near the Crown Valley exit in Laguna Hills when he was pulled over by an Orange County sheriff’s deputy at about 2:15 this morning, a sheriff’s department spokesman, Jim Amormino, said.

The deputy smelled marijuana and searched the car, Mr. Amormino said. In the search, the deputy found less than an ounce of marijuana and a clutch of prescription pills that included the narcotic Vicodin, addictive sleep and anxiety aids Valium, Xanax and Soma, and the amphetamine Adderall, which is approved to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder but is also a powerful stimulant. “He doesn’t have a prescription for any of these pills, and that’s what makes it illegal,” said Mr. Amormino.

More than 10 hours after his arrest on drug charges, the younger Gore remained in a Southern California jail because no one had showed up to post his $20,000 bail. Mike Feldman, a Gore family spokesman, said that the former vice president was “in transit and unavailable.” The elder Gore was in Britain on Tuesday and is scheduled to appear in New York City on Thursday to promote “Live Earth,” a series of concerts being held around the world on Saturday to raise awareness about environmental issues.

The police impounded the younger Mr. Gore’s car and took him to jail in Santa Ana. He faces four drug charges and was cited for speeding, Mr. Amormino said. If no one shows up to post bail, Mr. Gore must await arraignment in court, which would occur no earlier than Thursday afternoon and could be delayed until Friday, Mr. Amormino said.

Source

Gonna call down to this diamond buried underground, gonna pull you up by your love, and tell you...

For Nic: the brightest shining person I know! The only thing that gives me more chills than this gorgeous song is seeing the physical manifestation of your inner strength throughout your massive and continuing fight against brain cancer for over a year now. You are truly incredible! Keep kicking it's ass, and keep shining. xoxo!

Shine (Cyndi Lauper)
Shine I'll stand by you
Don't try and push me away
'cause I'm just gonna stay
You can shine I won't deny you
And don't be afraid it'll all be ok

Do you know my name
Well I ain't gonna take
that big time line
won't be beat by a lie
Gonna call out to these embers
waiting to ignite
Gonna pull you up
By your love, by your love
and tell you

Shine I'll stand by you...

I can see the frown you wear
All around like some faded crown
Like a watch over wound
Gonna call down to this diamond
buried underground
Gonna pull you up
by your love, by your love
and tell you

When it's said and done
What you need will come
and time won't let me
Let you let me waste it this time
shine...