After that, I put out a forest fire, made a citizen's arrest, and rescued a kitten from a tree

Phone rings late Friday night. I pick up.

ME: "Hey! I'm just on my way home & my cell is almost dead, can I call you back when I get home?"

FRIEND: "No, I mean, I can't really talk but I'm calling because I have a serious emergency!"

ME (alarmed): "What's wrong?"

FRIEND: "Boris. Natasha. Moose. Squirrel. Help!"

ME: "Rocky & Bullwinkle?"

FRIEND: "THANK YOU! Crisis averted. I knew you would know the answer." (Friend hangs up without further explanation)

We skip ahead to Sunday afternoon. Phone rings. Different person calling. Same type of "emergency".

ME: "Helloooooo!"

FRIEND: "Julie, what is the name of that actress who plays the mom in the movie Big Fish?"

ME: "I have no idea. I totally blocked that movie out. I didn't like it. I even shut it off 40 minutes in."

FRIEND: "I know you didn't like it, but..."

ME: "Oh, wait-- Jessica Lange, and that's so funny because we watched a movie yesterday morning and the best thing about it was Jessica Lange's too-small-part. She's still gorgeous. You can tell she had some work done but she hasn't had her eyes lifted so her face still looks human, and beautiful."

FRIEND: "YES, that's her! Jessica Lange. Whew. Now I can breathe."

I consider these "emergencies" to be good training for my entry into next year's World Series of Pop Culture. My team name will have to be something like "SLOTH LOVES CHUNK"" or "Jakey, have you stopped loving me?" or "Sweep the Leg, Johnny".