CNN.com confuses "Crew" with "Crüe"

So THIS is what Nikki, Mick, Vince & Tommy have been up to!




Looks to me like MOTLEY CRÜE, not "a motley crew"!


Alright, it's just a joke; the perfect marriage of CNN's headlines with my photo researching skills. You understand how I couldn't resist that creative editing.
Here's the actual image that CNN used:

Public Service Announcement: A concise list of things that should be retitled "You're Gonna Cry", because it's more honest

TV: Extreme Home Makeover

Music: EVERYTHING that ever came out of Jeff Buckley's mouth

Thumbing it's nose at the realness of "Reality TV", VH1 raises the bar by stealing show ideas from my very own dreams

If you haven't read this blog from the beginning you should read this post before continuing on.

I just came across this on VH1's website:






Think I should submit my entry to be on the show? After winning, I can already see our dating show spin-off: "JULIE LOVES CHACHI, OUR HAPPY DAYS TOGETHER"! Take THAT, VH1! It's reality gold!

See Jim, Reality TV really can make dreams come true! Check it for yourself here.

"A Place Where Nobody Dared to Go", at least until now

{Disclaimer: My sister Missy will probably be the only person as fired up about this as I am.}

I am shocked by this news. I wonder if they considered the impossibility of improving upon perfection. I consider it the mockery of a classic, and seriously question if the Broadway production should have been green-lighted.

Seeing the original movie at 7 years old had a major impact on my life.
1) I knew after watching Sonny Malone (Michael Beck, also known for his role in Warriors. Remember that movie? 'Warriors, come out to play-ee-aye!') get paid to paint huge versions of record covers for music store displays, that I wanted to do something like that when I got older.


2) I realized after watching Danny McGuire (Gene Kelly. GENE KELLY WAS IN THIS MOVIE!) play the clarinet in a big band that I wanted to do the same. I can still perform a mean "When the Saints Go Marching In" on my Vito, even though the only time in the past 17 years that I've bothered to pull it out of the case was to show my nephew 2 years ago.

3) Most importantly, I wanted to be outlined in neon all of the time.


Two out of 3 ain't bad, right?

In all seriousness, I actually bought the soundtrack through iTunes last year. The grandfather of all mashups--and the sexiest Tubes song ever--still holds up, even after 27 years!

(I recommend advancing below vid to -2:59, when The Tubes do their thing)

(Think they're talking about something other than dancing?)

Well Broadway, you've pulled off miracles before. I'll be reading the reviews, and hoping that you don't mess this up:

Busy with "Blowin' Ya Mind", she didn't have time to "Blow in Ya Breathalyzer"

This from CNN.com, and pretty much every pop culture &/or news site on the web:

Rapper-actress Eve was arrested for investigation of driving under the influence after she crashed a Maserati in Hollywood, California, early Thursday. The crash occurred about 2:45 a.m. on Hollywood Boulevard. Eve was booked on misdemeanor drunken driving and posted $30,000 bail. She is scheduled to return to court May 17.

She won a Grammy Award for the single "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" with Gwen Stefani after breaking into hip-hop as a protege of gangsta rap pioneer Dr. Dre. Screen credits include "Barbershop" and its sequels. She also had her own self-titled sitcom on the UPN Network.

Oh Eve! Why would you risk destroying beautiful Italian road art when for 1/1000th of what that car cost, you could easily buy this AND take a cab home!? Non me sento bene!

You are, literally, the Sunshine of my life

A Ben Sunshine-y day in Puerto Rico

Happy Birthday, Benny!
I have no idea why it took 26 years until our lives intersected, but it did. I heard about and saw photos of you for several years before we actually met, though. Your devoted bowling wife had so many stories to tell, and ended each one by telling me how much I would just love love love you when she introduced us.


A Sunshine & a Shoni

Luckily, we finally did get to meet during one of my trips back to NYC way back when. When planning my visit, Shoni insisted that no matter what night of the week I flew in on, I couldn't leave until Monday so that I would get to go to Sunday night bowling at Chelsea Piers. We clicked immediately, and I don't know what I did for so long before knowing you!


Check out the color of your tongue! Wonder how it got so red? (Looks like blurry-faced Eric is wondering the same!)


Ahh, here is the source of the red tongue!


Photographic evidence of the best New Year's Eve thus far, and I'm not just saying that because Dr. Jason's ass is resting in my hands.

Thoughts of you are of the kindest and most open person on the planet. Thoughts of the kindest and most open person on the planet are of YOU. You're it. It's you. There is an unmistakable warmth about you that cannot be duplicated. People have tried and failed, believe me. I have met the impostors, and they will never get it right no matter how hard they try.


Your bowling wife, her boyfriend Chris (Wait a minute! How did she get so lucky? She can't just go around claiming all the best men! Well, at least she shares), me and you; at Barrage.

She was right about love love loving you, I really do. I'm not alone in that, though, since everyone who meets you feels the same way. Truthfully, we're all just a bunch of planets revolving around you, Mr. Sunshine. YOU ARE YOUR NAME! xoxoxo

Still Invading My Dance Space After 20 Years

Ok, I have good news and bad news for you. I'll let you decide which is which. Ready?

1.) In honor of the 20th anniversary of Dirty Dancing, they're re-releasing it to theaters nationwide. It's not JUST the movie, though. They're also screening "never-before-seen footage and interviews with cast members and stakeholders that have kept the energy of Dirty Dancing alive for 20 years". ("Stakeholders"? Is that a thinly veiled Hollywood codeword for certain actors, whose careers haven't been the same since the drunken flying incident and the nose job?)

2.) It's on the big screen for 2 nights ONLY: May 1st & 2nd.

My mom (and probably yours) will be SO excited about this.

Ladies: Buy your tickets online! Click here for local theater listings.

Gentleman: Make up a REALLY convincing reason that you can't take your girl (or your mom!) to see it. Maybe that you pulled a muscle in your spaghetti arms.



Before I get hatemail from all of your mothers, I actually liked this movie. It was really the first one of it's time to have an amazingly good soundtrack. I should know—I owned the cassette tape, and I have no shame about that.

"Hotel SUX" is more like it!

When I was little and other kids would ask me what my favorite color was, I could never decide between blue & red, because they were best friends, and you can't just have one without the other. My treasured box of 64 Crayola Crayons was just a big mess of disorganized sticks of wax, some broken in half, some with wrappers missing; but no matter what, when I was done coloring, blue & red would always have to be next to each other in the box. They belonged together. It wouldn't have been right for blue to be off galavanting with that floozy periwinkle.

The end of 2006 saw my favorite hotel bar, the moroccan-themed Kaz Bar closed for renovations. It just so happens to be inside The House of Blues Hotel; the only place that I could (and often made up reasons to) justify paying to stay in when I have my own apartment in the same city. I was horrified to hear about the renovations, and could not see any reason why they would want to change a thing in that place.

I even called to see if I could buy any of the art that hung in Kaz Bar, but alas, it had already been shipped back to the House of Blues Foundation. I searched for information online and found that Loews had sold the HOB Hotel to a smaller hotel group, who then turned around and resold it again. I kept telling people about the renovations, and I each time heard myself say, "Well, as long as they keep the rest of the hotel the same, it'll be ok".


The front desk, with the entrance to Kaz Bar on the left








Many a night was spent inside this tent. Thanks to Missy for taking some of these "lights up" photos.


This is the view we always had from the best tent in the house, excellent not only in proximity to the bartender (3 steps to the left), but also because of the prime viewing of live bands, which on this night was the fantastic Shaking Tree. Sadly, Shaking Tree disbanded several months ago after many years together. This destruction is becoming a ridiculous trend that needs to stop!

In today's mail I received a postcard announcing the opening of Hotel Sax, which is the meaningless name they've decided to change the HOB hotel to. Oh, and did I mention that now they're actually redesigning the entire hotel? This news is giving me the (ahem) blues! The HOB Hotel was my home-away-from-home. Actually, it was my home. My home is my home-away-from-home, if that makes any sense. What am I talking about, if you know me and how much I love the House of Blues, it makes total sense. Just look at the name of this blog!





HOB Hotel room decor.

This blurb from a Crain's article: "Following a $17 million makeover, the new Hotel Sax will mix the essence of a 17th century French salon executed with a 21st century twist." What does that even mean? Is Sofia Coppola redecorating the hotel with movie props?

The following information and photos from the not-yet-navigational Hotel Sax website: "Amenities include the following: 42" flat-screen TVs, 320 thread-count egyptian cotton sheets, full wireless high-speed internet access and unexpected surprises, including: the opening of downtown Chicago's hottest new nightspot, Crimson Lounge."

Do you think that they decided to use a shade of red in the "new" bar name just to be spiteful? I don't know if the thought of egyptian cotton sheets are making me woozy or if the picture of the fabric-covered headboard is going to my head, but I'm starting to think that I like the name for the bar, spiteful or not, and that the photos from the website look pretty nice, too. I'll have to stop in the next time I'm at HOB and really check it out for myself.


Photos from the official website of Hotel SUX. It pains me to admit that it actually looks cool and might not suck.

I'll miss you and all our nights spent together, HOB Hotel, but we'll always have the original House of Blues restaurant/club next door to the hotel, right?

Chicago's House of Blues, otherwise known as the only "HO" I ever loved, and is now the last "HO" standing (Apparently they didn't have enough money in the budget for lightbulbs that month). Contrary to what the Academy Awards voters think, it's really hardest out here for a HO, not a pimp.

If they ever shut this place down, I'm out of here! Aykroyd, are you listening?



For now though, I'll take it as a good sign that (House of) blue(s) and red (Crimson Lounge) are once again next to each other, and how much could that really suck?

Putting the Grrr in Swinger

(As Austin Powers would say)



Happy Birthday, Zippy!

In honor of your big day, I thought I'd take a look back:
******
1) When Donna introduced us, I had not been in NYC very long. However, it had been long enough for me to feel like I was a smooth operator, used to the big city and all the people in it. I could totally handle whatever Manhattan threw at me (after telling myself that numerous times a day, I was actually starting to believe it). I had moved to the city of my childhood dreams. I knew that ordering coffee "regular" had nothing to do with the size of the cup! I rode the subway! I was hailing cabs! I knew my way around Soho! I went to the Greenmarket! I was making things happen!

After our first of many dinners in your neighborhood, you & Don walked me to the corner and we said our goodbyes. As I turned toward the cab, you stepped forward and stuck out your hand, which I involuntarily went to shake. The millisecond before we made contact, it hit me that you weren't trying to shake my hand. You were just going to OPEN MY CAB DOOR FOR ME BECAUSE YOU'RE A GENTLEMAN. So, being the gentleman you are, you shook my hand, and then opened the door for me anyway. The entire ride home I just shook my head, wondering how I ever got to that point in my life and was still stumbling through those types of micro-humiliations. Thank you for never making me feel like a dork, even when we laughed about how much of a dork I could be.

May I remind you of a fall I took in the middle of Broadway, for no apparent reason? What about the time I tripped and went airborne, in front of Brad Pitt and all of the beautiful people at Balthazar? The best part was screaming out what sounded like "Geezaz Cryyyyyst!" (a phrase not usually in my repertoire, but one that certainly demanded MORE people look my direction). I had no idea it was actually coming out of my mouth until I found my way back to the ground and it was quiet again, with the exception of the sound made by the footsteps of my dignity and grace leaving me where I landed.

The actual, for real, 100% true definition of the word Balthazar: {Bal·tha·zar [bahl-thuh-zahr], noun. One of the three sages from the east who came bearing gifts for the infant Jesus}. So, maybe I was just announcing my arrival? I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
******
2) I still laugh when I think of you sitting behind me, art directing, while I'm working on a design. Hearing you tell me where to move things, what to resize, colors, line thicknesses. Small silences in between my execution of your suggestions before moving onto the next, just long enough to absorb the change and evaluate what to adjust next. No detail spared--not one element on the page without a purpose. Eventually, the silence got a little longer than the norm, at which point I'd turn around to see you sound asleep in the chair, still pointing your sharpened pencil (which you would undoubtedly get busted for stealing off of Donna's desk) towards my monitor. When you heard me laughing, you'd open your eyes and say, "Ok, we got it, kid?"

"I'm just going to shut my eyes for a minute. Oh, and I'll be doing that on the office floor."
******
3) Paul Simon's Graceland. I can't hear any one song from the first half of that album without feeling like I'm back at A.I., hearing each song blare out of your office. I say only the FIRST half of that album, because usually Donna would yell for you to turn it down by the time "You Can Call Me Al" started up.
******
4) Home Run Sun: My 2nd favorite painting of yours in the loft. Mostly because of the bright color but also a little because you painted it the same year I was BORN. You always love it when I remind you of that.

1973: Two masterpieces were created. The first, me. The second, Home Run Sun.

For the record, this is my all-time favorite of your paintings:

******
5) Many nights I got to sleep at the "library" end of the loft, like it was my own little space, after late nights of work and even later dinners all together. You asleep; D & I up until all hours of the night chatting in the kitchen, playing w/ Jazzer, looking through magazines, laughing at you snoring.

Jazzy getting the blow-up mattress all warmed up for me.
******
6) All of your collections!


The above photos represent .00000001% of the cool things you surround yourself with.
******
7) The night we were all out and you told everyone how our petite little Shoni could "eat 6 men under the table"--and seeing Shoni's face across from me. I don't know of a time that I have ever laughed that loud & long. Tears. Streaming. Down. Our. Faces. It still makes me laugh to this day. Another one, somewhat related: the year I got you a cheesecake for your birthday and you said, "You know, it's really something good to put in your mouth." I'm almost embarrassed at how much we laughed after that statement. Almost. If anyone else would have said it, it would not have been funny at all. For what it's worth, I think it was your 12th birthday, at least maturity-wise.

Since there are no "known" photos of Shoni and 6 men under the table, this one of you in the kitchen will have to do.
******
8) Consumption in general: green curry chicken over wide noodles at Kobma Thai; burger (me), steak, rare, NO onions (you), the healthiest thing on the menu (Don) at Tavern on Jane; The 3 S's at Rio Mar: steak, shrimp & sangria; your chicken/onion specialty in the country; vodka gimlets at Beatrice Inn the night Charles Kuralt died, and somehow you talking me into trying "sweetbreads" using the same technique my dad used to get me to try escargot when I was 9. He told me they were mushrooms (you convincingly said "scallops"), and we were in a dimly-lit restaurant. Works every time! I blame the vodka gimlets more than you, but it's all good! Who could really stay mad at vodka? I can't leave out when you & D took me to see "Night Must Fall" starring Matthew Broderick and after Shoni met up with us, we ate dinner at the table right next to Matthew and his friends. The only 2 tables with people at them in the whole place. It was a truly only-in-NYC experience.



The Beatrice Inn, once a favorite of Charles Kuralt. Also known as the scene of the crime: "This isn't a scallop! You're a LIAR! Sweetbreads? What the hell is that? They actually SERVE this kind of thing to people? In AMERICA? I'm going to need another drink, and maybe a direct blow to the head so I can forget what I've just tasted."

******
9) My hot dog photo series and your doughnut paintings. I still say there is an amazing coffee table book to be made, and we should definitely call it: Paging Dr. Freud!

******
10) The morning after my apartment was broken into, you and D were the first people I called after my parents. You were both so upset you insisted that I come over immediately and stay for the weekend. At first, all I wanted to do was stay put and "protect" my home, but neither of you were giving me a choice. As soon as I got there, it snowed and snowed and snowed, so much that it felt like we were inside one of those snow globes. When it stopped coming down, we got Jazzy leashed up and all went for a long walk around the village. The city was so incredibly clean & peaceful that all the feelings of being violated for having my apartment destroyed by criminals, who took everything I had of value but more than that stole my sense of being secure; all those feelings were just lifted by the most amazingly healing & beautiful day in my favorite neighborhood in the world, and it was in those moments on that snowy walk through the village when I realized I was, right then, exactly where I was supposed to be.


Our winter's day walk was just like this photo, except it wasn't springtime, we weren't walking in Central Park, and you weren't sharing an ice cream bar with D.

You guys became like family. I always knew I had a place to stay and a steady flow of work to keep me busy, but most importantly I knew I had people there who really cared about me.

My favorite photo of you two, from the first (and only!) Fine Comp holiday party, circa 1997.

Thank you for being in my life and have a fantastic birthday. I hope you get something good to put in your mouth!

Free Captain Morgan & oxygen at the finish line

These 2 crazy kids are running on Team Boehm in Madison's Komen Race for the Cure in memory of a friend they lost to breast cancer:


My suggestion for their during-the-race-iPod-listening pleasure:

Admit it, it just makes sense!

If you would like to join me in supporting Erik, Bec & their team for this great cause, just click here.

To those who donate to this cause or any other, be it with your time or money, I say: Hooray for boobies and hooray for you!

What comes after "One for the money"?

Oh yeah, "Two for the show".

These little ones are sharing a WOMB at the beautiful Chateau Scooter. She & Todd (not to mention the rest of us) could not be more excited. Only 5 months left!

I can't wait for them to spit up on me within 2 minutes of our introduction, just like their cousin Michael did when he was a baby. I'm also looking very forward to telling them about how their mom & I used to be perfect little angels in high school and never did anything wrong at all. Nope, not us. You must have heard the story incorrectly, we didn't do it. We are not responsible for that incident.

When we were 16 and taking home ec., I "babysat" Scooter's egg-baby one morning. Her egg-baby and my egg-baby helped me with my english assignment. I hope when the twins arrive that they are just as good at iambic pentameter, because Aunty Julie could use a refresher course, you know, in case we run into Ms. Hill in the hallway without a pass and she punishes us with extra homework. Not that I ever roamed the halls without a pass. I have no idea how these rumors get started.

He's definitely in charge of my nights

Please interpret this recent dream I actually had:

I'm at a party with friends, sitting around the living room. Scott Baio walks in, apparently a friend of a friend. He sits next to me on the couch and everyone starts talking about his career, asking him what he's been up to these days. He's producing and directing, of course! People start reminiscing about Happy Days, and eventually the conversation gets around to the show he was famous for in the late 80's. I turn and look deep in his eyes. Then I say with all the sincerity in the world, "I want 'Charles in Charge' of ME!" Bow-chika-bow-bow.... The next thing you know, Scott Baio and I are making out on the floor, in front of all of my friends (who, by the way, had no problem sitting there watching us! Take a hint, people)! I woke up in the middle of a really good kiss, just as he was running his fingers through my hair; and I was actually pissed that it was a dream.

It's embarrassing, but in the spirit of full disclosure: I actually had my first Scott Baio dream about a year ago. He & I were in Central Park, having a very deep discussion. He said something very sweet and I said to him, "Awww, THAT'S WHY JOANIE LOVES CHACHI!" Are my dreams poetry or what? Sick, twisted poetry. Clearly I need professional help.

I blame these dreams on the fact that I have a Happy Days paperback book ("Fonzie Drops In!") on one of my bookshelves, a book that I don't think I have ever actually opened. I think it was my sister's and somehow I acquired it over the years. The eve of which each of these dreams occurred, I happened to be moving things around on that particular shelf, so something about the red cover must really get stuck inside my brain.


Honestly though, who doesn't love Chachi? At least that was J-Roc's very supportive 2 cents. Thanks, J!

A what-ing machine?

The long-awaited phone call that the littlest ladybug had finally been born after 16 hours of labor:
"She has arrived, and she is a sh*tting machine!"

Her very own mother did NOT just call her that, did she? Oh honey, yes she did, and she meant it. I've heard stories since then that you wouldn't believe. Isn't she just the cutest, though?



Congratulations Staci & Frank on your little (now one-month-young!) babe. I can't wait to meet her!

P.S. Do you think she's too young for me to tell her about the night we watched in horror as JimBuck set your dorm room ceiling on fire with hairspray & a lighter (it began too quickly to react, and luckily it ended just as quickly, due to his ninja-like skills)? Not something she can comprehend yet? Too scary? Oh well, there's time.

I'll ease her into it with unbelievable tales of her mommy driving a Fiero when we were in college. Talk about frightening! She'd NEVER believe it anyway, but it will surely put her to sleep.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Is this thing on?

Mic check: 1....2.....sibilance.