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Friday, January 9, 2009

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highly inappropriate), what would you rate this?

I give it a 24, but that's based on the entire phone call, not the following edited version below.

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Our conversation began with talk of her resume and job search, which turned into a long laughing fit brought on by discussing what she'll probably end up saying or doing while high on nitrous oxide later today, thanks to her hot dentist. 

Some bases we covered were:

• Calling ahead to request he install a mirror on the ceiling and that he have candles lit before she arrives.

• Ensuring the dentist sees her putting a hair scrunchy around the doorknob*.

• Enjoying the dental aspirator (saliva vaccuum-thing) way too much.

• Telling him to pull her hair a little bit or give her a spanking while he's at it.


The rest are so tasteless, I won't even list them here. We got off the phone after exhausting ourselves of every absurd-but-plausible-if-high-on-nitrous-at-the-dentist's-office scenario.

I had to call her back 5 minutes later to say this:

You need to ask him how soon you can resume having sex. He'll probably say something along the lines of, "There's nothing about getting dental work done to prevent you from that".

Then give him the look and say, "Doctor, is that an INVITATION?"

As you get escorted out of the office by security, make sure to toss them your resume and ask if they're hiring.


Can you believe that I don't even charge her for advice like this?


*In case you don't know, a hair scrunchy on a doorknob is the universal signal for "Do not disturb, I'm getting lucky". Acceptable substitutes are a necktie, a towel or my personal favorite: A SOCK.

11 comments:

TSintheC said...

A sock???? ;-) Why not just hang a condom on that doorknob?

Snort.

House of Jules said...

@Hotfess: You read my mind, lady. Read. My. Mind. That's exactly what I thought when I first saw that "sock" poster back in 1991.

Spammon said...

Did the words "Dr., where are you planning to put that filling?" come up during this conversation?

Spammon said...

Oh, and since we have all seen your other conversations, I give this an 8. Although, I'm guessing 24 could be accurate if we all saw the complete dialogue.

AutoSysGene said...

I've had similar conversations about another hawt doctor.

Though with the dentist thing there are just so many different ways to be nasty.

I give this one a solid 9...I'm sure you left the really good ones out...too bad ;)

lindsey said...

I have never once had a hot doctor or dentist, I don't know if that is good or bad. Something about the dentist seeing me in all my glory with my mouth wide open and my spit flying in his face doesn't seem sexy. So I guess I'm realizing this moment that I'm glad my dentist is fatherly and my gyno is just an all around nice guy who isn't the least bit interested in my private parts.

Your convo is hilarious and I think everyone needs to have a friend to share bizarre and hilarious thoughts like those with.

p.s. about the celery - - I really do love peanut butter, except I hate that it sticks to the roof of my mouth. I could eat it on bread sure, but then there is the issue of carbs (and I'm not planning on exercising until I've served my time... 20 more weeks of laziness). I've granted myself 20 more pounds in 20 weeks (see I wasn't this strict with my diet when I was expecting Porter and let's just say it was a bi*ch to fit back into my clothes, lesson learned). That's where the celery comes in, it makes it seem like a healthy snack, and it allows me to eat peanut butter without having it caked on the roof of my mouth. I only like celery if it's dipped or slathered. But, I do have the same issues as you do only mine is with raw broccoli, all those green things in your mouth, it takes hours to remove them, I get you.

Jen said...

Is that a dental aspirator in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

BTW....they're NOT hiring! Damn!

Sauntering Soul said...

I've never heard that you're supposed to tie anything on your doorknob. You are such a source of information!

Sarah Von Bargen said...

Ahhh, the scrunchy on the doorknob! It gets me everytime. I think I might try to amuse The Mister tonight by doing that.

Even though we don't have flatmates.

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Uh, what part was inappropriate again? I think I missed it?

If you have not heard of the sock/tie/scrunchy on the doorknob that just means you never had a roommate. Well either that or you or your roommate were not getting any! lol!

House of Jules said...

@Spammon: Yes, it TOTALLY did. Though, it wasn't so much "where", but more of "HERE!" kind of thing. Make sense? Next time we'll have to patch you in to the convo. HA!

@Melissa: You're SO right! It was really surprising how many things there are to be nasty about when referring to the dentist and everything that goes along with those appointments.

@Linds: You've NEVER had a hot doctor? WOW, I'm kind of jealous. I had a hot surgeon once, and the only person hotter than him was his intern. It was awkward to say the least. Also, please remind me never to send you Ryan Reynolds' Raw Broccoli. :)

@Jen: Well, if anyone could get hired after an appointment like that, it's YOU, darling!

@SaunteringSoul: I try, I try. You'll have to get a stockpile of those for when Hot Brazilian returns!

@SarahVon: Memories of college...

@NerdyRedneckRob: I know, right? I bet you wish you were a dentist, esp since Jen lives in TX, too! She could be your patient!