Nobody puts Baby in the corner Stairmaster!

The fitness industry sure has changed in the past 55 years, hasn't it? Back in ye olden days, girls in the know would go off to a resort in the woods with their families and burn off all that chicken-fried steak by lugging around watermelons and grinding with the bad-boy dance instructors:


Yes Baby, you carried a watermelon (:22). But wait, because what's about to happen is going to make it worth your while (1:02).

Jump ahead in history to now and hey, welcome to the future! You can forget all that weighty produce schelpping to the "hired help" side of camp and simply pop in this DVD:


What in the cha-cha hell did Patrick Swayze do to deserve this?

I think my favorite line from the commercial is, "Show off your new dance moves with the sensational cardio dance that's got Baby on her feet..." The only thing I'd add to that is, "...and off her back!". Hey-ohhhhh! Let's face it, Johnny got something else up in that movie besides Baby's heart rate.

Since I saw the commercial at 4a.m., I couldn't believe my eyes. I checked Amazon and was surprised that this DVD has been purchased and reviewed by more than one person. My favorite write-up:

Some Amazon reviewers are SO HELPFUL!

I guess nobody puts Baby's background dancers in the corner, either.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highly inappropriate), what would you rate this?

I give it a 24, but that's based on the entire phone call, not the following edited version below.

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Our conversation began with talk of her resume and job search, which turned into a long laughing fit brought on by discussing what she'll probably end up saying or doing while high on nitrous oxide later today, thanks to her hot dentist. 

Some bases we covered were:

• Calling ahead to request he install a mirror on the ceiling and that he have candles lit before she arrives.

• Ensuring the dentist sees her putting a hair scrunchy around the doorknob*.

• Enjoying the dental aspirator (saliva vaccuum-thing) way too much.

• Telling him to pull her hair a little bit or give her a spanking while he's at it.

The rest are so tasteless, I won't even list them here. We got off the phone after exhausting ourselves of every absurd-but-plausible-if-high-on-nitrous-at-the-dentist's-office scenario.

I had to call her back 5 minutes later to say this:

You need to ask him how soon you can resume having sex. He'll probably say something along the lines of, "There's nothing about getting dental work done to prevent you from that".

Then give him the look and say, "Doctor, is that an INVITATION?"

As you get escorted out of the office by security, make sure to toss them your resume and ask if they're hiring.

Can you believe that I don't even charge her for advice like this?


*In case you don't know, a hair scrunchy on a doorknob is the universal signal for "Do not disturb, I'm getting lucky". Acceptable substitutes are a necktie, a towel or my personal favorite: A SOCK.

In Memory of Fred Knittle

I'm re-posting the following from October 15th in memory of The Young@Heart chorus' Fred Knittle, who passed away on January 1, 2009. There's a lovely article written about Fred's life HERE.

His performance of Coldplay's Fix You in the Young@Heart documentary has brought me to tears numerous times. See it for yourself at the end of the post, but be sure to read the background story above the video.

If you haven't seen this documentary yet, what are you waiting for?

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I put in my latest Netflix pick, a documentary called YOUNG@HEART. I've had quite the streak of excellent choices over the past couple of months (see my "I Just Watched" section in the right sidebar), and this one fell right in line with some of the best documentaries I've ever seen:

Double-click on either 'play' arrow if you have trouble with the video

Prepare to be entertained by the uplifting individuals of YOUNG@HEART, a New England senior citizens chorus that has delighted audiences worldwide with their covers of songs by everyone from The Clash to Coldplay. As Stephen Walker’s documentary begins, the retirees, led by their strict musical director, are rehearsing their new show, struggling with a discordant Sonic Youth number and giving new meaning to James Brown’s “I Feel Good.” What ultimately emerges is a funny and unexpectedly moving testament to friendship, creative inspiration, and reaching beyond expectations.

Lately, my mind has been more than a little preoccupied with loved ones I've lost and people in my life who are currently having health issues, so I found myself crying more than once during this moving doc. Every once in a awhile, a good cry is exactly what I need to keep moving forward. Especially when the tears are brought on not only because of a little sadness, but also from profound moments of inspiration, and there are plenty of those in YOUNG@HEART.

One of my favorite songs, Fix You by Coldplay, is featured in YOUNG@HEART. Do you know the story of that song? Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, wrote it for Gwyneth Paltrow (his girlfriend at the time/now his wife), shortly after her father tragically died when he & Gwyneth were in Rome on her 30th birthday. It's a heart-wrenching story all-around. Now try listening to the song Chris wrote for the woman he loves while she was grieving and see how little time it takes you to get misty-eyed. It's a stunningly beautiful song and I always get chills when I hear it.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face, and I

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you


The scene in the documentary as described on the song's Wikipedia page:

Fix You was performed in 2006 by the New England octogenarian chorus group Young@Heart. The group's performance was led by former chorus member Fred Knittle, who suffers from congestive heart failure and breathes with assistance from an oxygen tank.

The performance was originally planned to be a duet between Knittle and Bob Salvini, another former chorus member, but Salvini died shortly before the show. Knittle performed it as a solo, as a tribute to his friend.

OHMYGAH, PASS ME THE KLEENEX. Then, go rent this documentary!