Heavy Things

Infidelity is not okay.


Domestic violence is not okay.


Acceptance of either is a crime against yourself.


Speak up. Get help. Get out.



****

Rube Goldberg machine & a marching band? Ok, Go buy their album!

Who has more fun with their music videos than Chicago's own OK Go? Nobody. You remember their treadmill video for Here it Goes Again, right? I'd embed it but their record label won't allow it, and that has been a source of some aggravation for the band. Their new single, This Too Shall Pass has not one but TWO kickass vids, both of which I *AM* able to embed for your enjoyment purposes. I'll let OK Go's Damian tell you why, right after this cool-as-hell Rube Goldberg machine version of their video. The marching band version is after the band's open letter to "the people of the world".

To the people of the world, from OK Go:

This week we released a new album, and it’s our best yet. We also released a new video – the second for this record – for a song called This Too Shall Pass, and you can watch it here. We hope you’ll like it and comment on it and pass the link along to your friends and do that wonderful thing that that you do when you’re fond of something, share it. We want you to stick it on your web page, post it on your wall, and embed it everywhere you can think of.

Unfortunately, as of now you can’t embed diddlycrap. And depending on where you are in the world, you might not even be able to watch it.

We’ve been flooded with complaints recently because our YouTube videos can’t be embedded on websites, and in certain countries can’t be seen at all. And we want you to know: we hear you, and we’re sorry. We wish there was something we could do. Believe us, we want you to pass our videos around more than you do, but, crazy as it may seem, it’s now far harder for bands to make videos accessible online than it was four years ago.

See, here’s the deal. The recordings and the videos we make are owned by a record label, EMI. The label fronts the money for us to make recordings – for this album they paid for us to spend a few months with one of the world’s best producers in a converted barn in Amish country wringing our souls and playing tympani and twiddling knobs – and they put up most of the cash that it takes to distribute and promote our albums, including the costs of pressing CDs, advertising, and making videos. We make our videos ourselves, and we keep them dirt cheap, but still, it all adds up, and it adds up to a great deal more than we have in our bank account, which is why we have a record label in the first place.

Fifteen years ago, when the terms of contracts like ours were dreamt up, a major label could record two cats fighting in a bag and three months later they’d have a hit. No more. People of the world, there has been a revolution. You no longer give a shit what major labels want you to listen to (good job, world!), and you no longer spend money actually buying the music you listen to (perhaps not so good job, world). So the money that used to flow through the music business has slowed to a trickle, and every label, large or small, is scrambling to catch every last drop. You can’t blame them; they need new shoes, just like everybody else. And musicians need them to survive so we can use them as banks. Even bands like us who do most of our own promotion still need them to write checks every once in a while.

But where are they gonna find money if no one buys music? One target is radio stations (there’s lots of articles out there. here’s one: http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/news/20…ouse-senate.ars ). And another is our friend The Internutz. As you’ve no doubt noticed, sites like YouTube, MySpace, and Blahzayblahblah.cn run ads on copyrighted content. Back when Young MC’s second album (the one that didn’t have Bust A Move on it) could go Gold without a second thought, labels would’ve considered these sites primarily promotional partners like they did with MTV, but times have changed. The labels are hurting and they need every penny they can find, so they’ve demanded a piece of the action. They got all huffy a couple years ago and threatened all sorts of legal terror and eventually all four majors struck deals with YouTube which pay them tiny, tiny sums of money every time one of their videos gets played. Seems like a fair enough solution, right? YouTube gets to keep the content, and the labels get some income.

The catch: the software that pays out those tiny sums doesn’t pay if a video is embedded. This means our label doesn’t get their hard-won share of the pie if our video is played on your blog, so (surprise, surprise) they won’t let us be on your blog. And, voilá: four years after we posted our first homemade videos to YouTube and they spread across the globe faster than swine flu, making our bassist’s glasses recognizable to 70-year-olds in Wichita and 5-year-olds in Seoul and eventually turning a tidy little profit for EMI, we’re – unbelievably – stuck in the position of arguing with our own label about the merits of having our videos be easily shared. It’s like the world has gone backwards.

Let’s take a wider view for a second. What we’re really talking about here is the shift in the way we think about music. We’re stuck between two worlds: the world of ten years ago, where music was privately owned in discreet little chunks (CDs), and a new one that seems to be emerging, where music is universally publicly accessible. The thing is, only one of these worlds has a (somewhat) stable system in place for funding music and all of its associated nuts-and-bolts logistics, and, even if it were possible, none of us would willingly return to that world. Aside from the smug assholes who ran labels, who’d want a system where a handful of corporate overlords shove crap down our throats? All the same, if music is going to be more than a hobby, someone, literally, has to pay the piper. So we’ve got this ridiculous situation where the machinery of the old system is frantically trying to contort and reshape and rewire itself to run without actually selling music. It’s like a car trying to figure out how to run without gas, or a fish trying to learn to breath air.

So what’s there to do? On the macro level, well, who the hell knows? There are a lot of interesting ideas out there, but this is not the place to get into them. As for our specific roadblock with the video embedding, the obvious solution is for YouTube to work out its software so it allow labels to monetize their videos, wherever on the Internet or the globe they’re being accessed. That’ll surely happen before too long because there’s plenty of money to be made, but it’s more complicated than it looks at first glance. Advertisers aren’t too keen on paying for ads when they don’t know where the ads will appear (“Dear users of FoxxxyPregnantMILFS.com, try Gerber’s new low-lactose formula!”), so there are a lot of hurdles to get over.

In the meantime, the only thing OK Go can do is to upload our videos to sites that allow for embedding, like MySpace and Vimeo. We do that already, but it stings a little. Not only does it cannibalize our own numbers (it tends to do our business more good to get 40 million hits on one site than 1 million hits on 40 sites), but, as you can imagine, we feel a lot of allegiance to the fine people at YouTube. They’ve been good to us, and what they want is what we want: lots of people to see our videos. When push comes to shove, however, we like our fans more, which is why you can take the code at the bottom of this email and embed the “This Too Shall Pass” video all over the Internet.

With or without this embedding problem, we’ll never get 50 zillion views on a YouTube video again. That moment – the dawn of internet video – is gone. The internet isn’t as anarchic as it was then. Now there are Madison Avenue firms that specialize in “viral marketing” and the success of our videos is now taught in business school. But here’s a secret: zillions of hits was never the point. We’re a rock band, and it’s a great gig. Not just because we get to snort drugs off the Queen of England (we do), but because the only thing we are expected to do is make cool stuff. We chase our craziest ideas for a living, and if sharing those ideas takes 40 websites instead of one, it doesn’t make too big a difference to us.

So, for now, here’s the bottom line: EMI won’t let us let you embed our YouTube videos. It’s a decision that bums us out. We’ve argued with them a lot about it, but we also understand why they’re doing it. They’re aware that their rules make it harder for people to watch and share our videos, but, while our duty is to our music and our fans, theirs is to their shareholders, and they believe they’re doing the right thing.

Here’s the embed code for the Vimeo posting:

<object width=”400″ height=”300″><param name=”allowfullscreen” value=”true” /><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always” /><param name=”movie” value=”http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=8718627&amp;server=vimeo.com&amp;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=&amp;fullscreen=1″ /><embed src=”http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=8718627&amp;server=vimeo.com&amp;show_title=1&amp;show_byline=1&amp;show_portrait=0&amp;color=&amp;fullscreen=1″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” allowfullscreen=”true” allowscriptaccess=”always” width=”400″ height=”300″></embed></object><p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/8718627″>OK Go – This Too Shall Pass</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user2495615″>OK Go</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>

Go forth and put it everywhere, please. And buy our album. It’s great.

Yours Truly,

Damian (on behalf of OK Go)

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.

****

The Cinderella Project!

Do you or any of your friends have bridesmaid (or other prom-caliber dresses) in your closet that you’ll never wear again? Personally? I have 4.

Let’s join forces to help make underprivileged high school girls’ prom dress dreams come true by donating them to a charity I’m volunteering for called The Cinderella Project. Here's how you can help:

Get your dry-cleaned* bridesmaid or prom-caliber dress(es) to us between now & the end of February.

Send an e-mail to casajules (at) gmail (dot) com for shipping information.

Please ask all of your friends to dig through their closets, too!

*Average cost to dry clean a dress can be anywhere from $6-$15. Many dry cleaners will comp this for you or discount that price if you explain it’s for charity, especially if you already use a particular dry cleaner on a semi-regular basis. If your dry cleaner won't comp it for you and you can't afford to pay for the dry cleaning, please send the dress to us anyway! We’d rather have the challenge of getting them dry cleaned on this end vs. you not donating your dress(es).

Thankfully, lots of people have been helping me get the word out, and they'll get a post all their own when everything is said and done, but for now, here's a little bit of funny business that went on when one of my BFFs retweeted one of my Twitter tweets. See, Twitter only allows for 140 characters, so there can be a bit of creative editing when retweeting. She accidentally edited out an important word, and... well, see for yourself:


The BFF's retweet. Helpful but maybe asking for a bit too much from people.



My follow-up tweet; just to clarify things!


Thanks to everyone helping me help The Cinderella Project make some very deserving high school girls look and feel gorgeous at their prom!


Follow me on Twitter HERE.


****

You NEED this reminder!

Trust me: You really, REALLY need to read my guest post over at Ree's (aka The Hotfessional):

CLICK HERE.

You can thank me later.


****

Foo-Koo

I really, really, really, really want the much-anticipated Momofuku cookbook, and not just because it's fun to say Momofuku*.



Any cookbook review that starts off with, "Chef David Chang's first cookbook is long, laced with profanity and full of complicated, labor-intensive recipes" is for me. I mean, c'mon.

Read the full review HERE.


*Momofuku is Japanese for lucky peach and also--in a nod to the inventor of instant noodles, Momofuku Ando--the name of a series of constantly-packed NYC restaurants by Korean-American chef David Chang.


****

Outlawfully wed

Ladies (and some of you men out there):

I give* you Jesse James.

Would I like to gnaw on his biceps for a couple of hours? Yes, please.


He cleans up nicely, too. Rawr!



Click here to follow me on Twitter!


*It's more like I'm dangling him in front of you. You're welcome.

****

Scotchy scotch scotch

Click here to follow me on Twitter!


****

Public Service Announcement: Black Friday and Everyday

My mom spent decades managing a group of Hallmark stores. I worked retail jobs all through high school, partway through college and for years afterward on weekends. It is hard work, not only physically, but also emotionally... especially this time of year.

1989. Working hard at the after school/weekend job. I just finished putting together that entire display with the one token dude we had working there. Lucky for me he was hot and a gentleman at that, so he did all the heavy lifting; because honey, trust me when I tell you that I spent entirely too much time on my hair that day to work up a sweat installing ornaments in freaking July. YES, July.

1989. The Hallmark Maven, aka Boss Lady. She will crack the whip, and not in a good way.

There are more days than I care to remember that after working an 8-hour shift during the holiday season, I'd get in my car & cry on the way home from not only being yelled at by many customers, but also from the searing pain in my feet, back and every muscle. The pain was so all-encompasing and downright awful that my co-workers & I would always refer to this scene from the Stephen King movie Misery after those ass-busting shifts:


Feeling like we'd been hobbled after working retail during the holidays was more common than not.


I say the following from experience:

• The customary response to "Thank you!" is "You're welcome!"

• The appropriate follow-up after YOU bump into someone else is "Pardon me!" or "Excuse me!" or anything besides rudely grunting as you barrel through their skeletal system.

• People working during any kind of Black Friday sale are likely overworked and often times, not treated very well by shoppers. If someone goes out of their way for you or does a great job, ask for their name (if they don't have a nametag on) and let their supervisor know as soon as possible. If not that day, call or send an e-mail the next day.

Be kind, especially near the end of the business day when they've been running around like chickens with their heads cut off in order to try and keep up with the demands of shoppers. You'd be surprised how far looking someone behind the counter in the eyes and smiling at them will go.


****

Just as it happened (if only in my head) when I was a kid

When I was 11, we took a road trip to visit old friends of the family for Thanksgiving. So many moments from that holiday weekend are permanently etched into my brain that I could write a book, or at least a short story. For now, though, there's this:

We were in a big house with an extended family of people we referred to as our aunts, uncles and cousins even though they weren't blood relatives, and it was a blast. One night before dinner, all the kids (ages ranging from 11-19) were seated around the huge table laughing and carrying on. I specifically remember one of the older boys asking me about my boyfriend KC, whose picture I had just pulled out of the vinyl photo holder in my velcro wallet.

Just then, a mustachioed uncle cut through the dining room to get to the kitchen. Red-nosed and tipsy from wine, he tripped over our mascot, the family's golden retriever. As he bent down to see if the dog was okay, he said with slurred words and glassy eyes, "You have to really be sorry when apologizing to a dog, otherwise they know you're faking it. You reaaaaallly have to make some sweet love* to the dog. Or they'll know. That you're... hey, why are you all giggling?"

When I read this New Yorker column back in 2007, I was transported back to that night... in the very best way:

THE WISDOM OF CHILDREN, by Simon Rich
A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table

MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.

DAD: O.K.

GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.

DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.

UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.

DAD: We all are.

MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.

DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.

MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.

FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!

DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.

MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!

DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!

MOM: Now everything is fine.

DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.

MOM: There was a big sex.

FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!

(Everybody laughs.)

MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!

GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?

ALL: Yes.

GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.

Happy Thanksgiving!

*Of course he didn't mean it like THAT, but we were a group of kids, and it was funny. In all honesty, I probably haven't matured one bit in the humor department since that night.

Source


****

Yo! Edvard Munch...

Yo! Edvard Munch*... I'm happy for your painting skills & imma let you finish, but Oprah has the best SCREAM of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!!!!**


My favorite is when she introduces the cast of Friends with outstretched arms and a heartfelt, "Frrriends!!!"

I plan to be doing this ALL weekend whenever I see anybody I know. Furthermore, it is no exaggeration when I write that if someone made a video of every guest announcement Oprah has ever made on her show over the last 24 years, I would sit down and watch it several times.

*Related sidenote: His last name is pronounced "Monk", which I learned 13 years ago when interviewing for a museum gift store job and saying it like it's spelled. I got corrected on the pronunciation, screamed in embarrassment (on the inside) and then I got hired anyway.

**It's not too late for yet another Kanye West/Taylor Swift reference, is it?
****